In the coaching process different tools are being used to let your very own form become visible, to access & understand your inner universe and – to generate balance between your inner aspects (see mirror process). Which process tool are used at what time, depends on your individual situation, current hurdles, preferences and needs. We take a look in the mirror and ask: “What is needed?”
Unlike many other coaches and consultants, there is no standardization, “one program”, “the 12 things to become happy ever after” or anything like that. We humans have things in common, but each person is different. This individual embedding may distinguish my coaching from many other offers. What arises in you, points us to what we adress & need. You find a selection of process tools here. Key Tool in my coachings is verbal transformation.
You can read about my very own pathway and the development of the process tools in Being & Working :
Some tools help you to find your own truth and authenticity in a deeper way, so that they can be felt more clearly. Others serve to express your truth clear to the outside to embody, and demonstrate, who you are.. Other tools help us to create a balanced state, regulating the stress level in your inner universe. Analysis tools help us understand what causes this stress, where it originates from. The results of the analysis can lead us into the realm of unconscious beliefs and convictions. Some tools are meant for the improvement of the ability to hold and regulate emerging feelings and thoughts and – thereby understand their messages for us. Further tools assist in the conscious choice and implementation of a mindset that serves your needs and goals. Others help to establish and maintain focus.
During my professional education and in the Coaching of people throughout the years, I´ve been able to use and apply a large pool of tools. All of them have been tested by myself, modified and adjusted. To name them all would extend the limits. Below you find a selection of tools to get an impression, what can be included in the Coaching Process. The basic tool is the Onion model that helps us to locate important and meaningful layers in the process.
Localization and focus tool: The Onion Model
My own onion model is comparable with the model of the Koshas in the yoga tradition. With the onion model we localize blockages and issues on the one hand, but also learn, which layer may need additional awareness. This is because the individual layers are interrelated and in constant exchange.
The core represents your origin (your true self, the seed). This core interacts with the next layer. If there are blockages on this layer, the transmission of “true self” to the next layer doesn´t take place (that´s standard btw). The more blockages are present on the layers, the less of your true self will eventually pass through to the outer layer. Resulting in the experience of suffering. The more free these inner flows are circulating within you, the more your true self will shine through to the outside, meaning: It can be lived. That would be – a more free life (Freieres Leben)! While we usually know our outer layers well (consciously), we´re very little aware of what is happening why in the deeper inner layers (unconsciously). Very often this eludes our understanding. Sometimes we don´t even want to know (shadows).
Many undiscovered stories are stored in these layers – acting without us being aware of it.
Your individual process can point us to what is “up” at any given time. For example, if you long to speak yourself facing other people, that would be localized in your innermost being, your core. That you don’t do it would be an event on the outer layer. Because this is where you interact with the outside world. You could work on the outer layer by finding distinct sentences and by giving yourself a push. If it is only the fear of something new that holds you back, going to deeper layers may not be necessary at all.
However, if the cause of this difficulty lies in partially conscious beliefs, we could go to a deeper level. But if it were a deep-seated, unconscious shame causative for these difficulties, we might have to go to a much deeper layer, right beside the core of the onion.
The origin of shadow work is the Swiss psychiatrist C. G. Jung . He described the shadow as a personality part of every human being, which contains everything that contradicts our subjective self-image and the imagination of the world. Namely qualities, feelings, characteristics that we reject, condemn in ourselves (and other people). The shadows contain all that we do not want to be or see in ourselves and the world. As being said, contradictions of our (self-image) and also conditioned taboos or prohibitions.
According to Jung, the shadow also exists as archetype in the collective unconscious.
Every human being has shadow aspects! Every one of us has has been acting like a jerk, hurting other people. Everyone has something about oneself that one rather wouldn´t be, feel or think.
A rejection of one’s own parts is a self-rejection. It causes blockages, walls and isolates these aspects from our inner universe. It takes an incredible amount of energy to keep this cellar door shut where we´ve been locking these aspects away. And – it prevents authentic self-expression (see Onion model).
In the mirror process of the inner universe, shadow work plays an important role. Those unwanted aspects, that has been condemned to silence want to be invited and integrated in a healthy way. A first step is to acknowledge (self-)rejection and then gently replace it with understanding and acceptance.
As we approach previously unseen topics and layers, things start to move. Thoughts, emotions and physical stress can arise. It is incredibly important to have tools to approach these movements. Many people shy away from change because they just don’t know how to dissipate the activation energy. After all, you didn’t get an instruction manual for that.
Depending on preferences and individual possibilities, different tools for regulation are discussed, offered and integrated, e.g.:
The cellular level of our system has to be taken in respect. As soon as regulation techniques are successfully applied and work, people describe an increase of self-efficacy, confidence and willingness to change.
In general us people have a less conscious relationship with our own thoughts & emotions. They are part of our human experience, but we often forget that they can serve us if we understand them appropriately. Two extremes in the realm of thoughts & emotions are: A constricting identification with these inner processes vs. a lack of attention for the messages of our thoughts & emotions.
Learning to deal with thoughts & emotions means – being able to regulate, channel and use them purposefully for our inner universe. In the coaching process we use different tools (some as audio exercises) to improve this skill. Some of them haven been developed specifically for this purpose, for example:
Beliefs in the mirror process are more than just thoughts Because a belief usually encapsulates & connects with emotions. The belief locks emotions away and thereby prevents us from feeling what has to be felt. That also causes an expression on a physical level (tension, uneasiness). A negative belief is a holistic blockage.
Staying tuned with yourself is a prerequisite for clarity and powerful decisions. If you succeed in keeping your focus on yourself, that´s a yes to the most important relationship of your life: the one with yourself. It is utopian to assume that you are always tuned with yourself. This requires a lifetime of training. More crucial is, that you find a way to reconnect with yourself if you loose track. This ability is been trained in the mirror process. Important questions in this context:
In this process I can work as a translator for you. By own experience I can tell, that very often we unconsciously replicate things, we don’t actually mean, represent or believe ourselves. We just stopped questioning that.
Us humans are conditioned to assume the worst rather than the best. This often happens quite automatically. From my perspective, it’s about re-earning that the best outcome is an option. To do this, we do not have to exclude worst cases. It´s enough to adopt a form of objectivity: One may see the worst, the best and a neutral outcome and – consider everything as possible. That´s how to use our brain wisely.
Mindset for me means getting out of an attitude automatism and returning to a conscious choice. As we start thinking that the best otcome may be possible for us, things change immediately. Our thoughts and energies flow into a different direction. This is the first step to conscious manifestation. And it starts by activating new neuronal pathways that haven´t been used ever before or a very long time ago. However, this does not mean that we always get what we want. Sometimes what we want is not what is needed for our development.
But as we can visualize, smell, taste, feel something, it starts to create an energetic shape. The energy is there. It is present – in our inner universe. According to the hermetic law “As inside, so outside” the outside follows this shape – if it is meant to be. If we can really feel and sense a vision, that our visualization is serving us and others, that it belongs to us – this is possible.
Sometimes visualizations are kind of getting abused – to cover something, to conceal or flee from the diversity of our inner universe (and thus ourselves). In these cases, mindset and visualization may not produce the results we hope for.
Mindset & visualization are tools in the coaching process based on my values & roots:
My connection to words and the energy behind them has always been strong. When people have been opening up to me, images and inter-relations emerged in my consciousness. Maybe a sensitivity to what was meant or felt.
Unintentionally, very often words came out of me that exactly expressed what the other person could not put into words. Today I call this verbal transformation .
So this tool is actually myself. The process behind verbal transformation is difficult to explain, because it comes naturally. Something that has been invisible before, suddenly turns into something visible by verbal transformation and mostly this changes something in the inner universe of the person. That recognition and understanding very often brought lasting changes (transformation).
Example:
There had been painful losses in Alexander’s (38 yrs) family of origin. Since his father had become depressed in the face of these losses, Alexander endured a lot disregarding his own feelings and needs. He had been there for his father and had stabilized the family system. When he first was in a coaching with me, he was exhausted and full of anger about his father, who treated him in a devaluating way and never acknowledged Alexander’s commitment to the family. In addition, Alexander was simultaneously involved in a toxic couple relationship. Here he experienced exactly the same again (trigger).
During the coaching we worked on deeper layers . An unseen and very strong grief had been waiting for release. Alexander had never had the opportunity to experience and mourn his loss. As he began to be there for himself, he gained the ability to change the burdened relationship with his father. He encountered him with more clarity, but also understanding. I haven´t heard from him for years.
When he got back in touch he was in a healthy relationship, worked in a new, very intense job that also made him happy. His current problem was, that he could not sleep and was tense. In the middle of the night he woke up full of restlessness. He couldn’t even say why. There was nothing that particularly concerned him. During the day, he was disorganized and stressed. At work, he had difficulties in concentrating and was afraid of making mistakes. Alexander expressed that he hated these state because it made him feel insecure. He wanted to be fully present – especially in his new job, he really liked.
As I listened to Alexander, the image of a neglected, black and very aggressive dog appeared in front of my inner eye. He barked constantly and was fully alert – looking around in panic. This dog had the mission to be permanently on guard. I shared this imagination with Alexander.
He fell silent and suddenly became very still. Then he confirmed that it felt exactly like that.
I asked Alexander about the task and purpose of this dog. Alexander´s eyes turned wet and he said: “He’s watching out for me.”
This moment marks the effect of verbal transformation. An image put into words initiated an inner reconciliation. A moment of healing. Alexander realized that this aspect was for him, trying to help him. He wanted to watch over him, make sure nothing happened to him. Alexander was able to let go of his anger and resistance for this aspect and even realized that this watchdog was acting out of love for him. This fundamentally changed the attitude and relationship to his state (transformation).
We found that this aspect did exactly what Alexander had been wanting his father to do: taking responsibility for him, paying attention to him and watching out for him. This aspect was in Alexander! But Alexander rejected it first. And the unseen watchdog had been out of control. In the past, Alexander had been responsible for the entire family. A new professional situation and the relationship had been reactivating the watchdog. Every movement and motion activated Alexander’s need for control. He felt on remote control. The Watchdog couldn´t rest and then received beatings for it. So he was not only angry and panicking, but also very sad.
For Alexander did not know how to calm down this watchdog That´s why he directed his anger against this aspect, which was an inner part of himself and acted out of love and caretaking.
Our conversation touched Alexander deeply. The words about the watchdog had helped him to recognize himself in this image, he could let go his (Self-)rejection and integrated this aspect into his inner universe where it had been splitten-off a long time. We found ways to establish contact and communication with the watchdog in a clear and loving way, leading to a new relationship with this aspect. We incorporated relaxation and regulation techniques that Alexander used to calm his watchdog down.
Emerging Images and impressions are incorporated into the coaching – always as an offer – never as a fact. You have to feel and decide yourself, if these imaginations are a fit. These are the most beautiful moments in my work – when words are given to me that generate such a loving transformation. When inner wars turn to inner peace. For this I am very very grateful.
Meditation and personal prayer were and are anchors for me. They help me to nourish neutrality on my side, so I can truly work for people.
Not everyone is open to spirituality. I understand that. Careful awareness is required in this area since there are offerings were spirituality is being used as means of ego to evaluate and devaluate. Sometomes what is said and portrayed isn´t what actually happens. In the layers of energy there is no horse trading possible! So it is always important to check who you are being guided by and whether these people intend something for themselves (power, devotion etc.).
There are also people who can and want to truly support you on this path. If they really want to support you on your path, they will leave you in your very own circle of self-determination. They give you something, so you can apply and use it for you. Real helping hands always allow you to work for yourself in your very own way. They can leave you be. The symbol for this is a lying eight. Two circles. Yours and that of the person who guides you. In contrast, a person with hidden intentions draws you into their sphere of influence. The person stands in your circle, tries to correct you or imposes a specific thing on you. You´re kind of becoming an ego extension of that person. Then it is not a lying eight, but a shared circle that comprises both of you – your own circle is neglected or solved. If you loose your own circle, you loose yourself. Be aware.
I´ve learned my lessons and can only ask you to keep your hands off certain things. Feel encouraged to approach spiritual offerings with a healthy skepticism. Because the offers are made to you by people (see shadow sides). People commonly have intentions. Check these intentions and take enough time to do so. Always stay in your own connection to the source.
Every person has that! That is why there is no need for a guru, leader or representative. God (or whatever name you choose) wants a personal relationship with each one of us. I am convinced of that. There are many ways to access this connection.
Spirituality in my coachings is integrated especially in the way of lying eight precisely for this reason – your own connection and wisdom. You are on your way. If there is something you would like to include, feel free to reach out.
Bhakti Yoga (chanting mantras in Sanskrit) and devotion are part of my life. The mantras create vibrations. These vibrations are pure information that have an effect on our deepest layers and outer shells. For me the language of Sanskrit is an energetic expression of wisdom and truth, which words alone can never describe. A mantra can help, protect, heal and create clarity – depending on which one we chant.
In this area I have gained some experience over the last four years and can recommend supportive mantras for your individual situation upon request. You may practice yourself and experience the effect on your own system.
Currently, I am preparing a small online course in which I am compiling various mantras that I consider appropriate for the topic area of toxic relationship. These mantras are intended to balance those psychic energies that are out of balance due to toxic relationships (karma resolution, purification, protection, energetic reconnection, connectedness and wisdom).
If you are interested in mantras, please have a look at the individual tools where you can read about the MANTRA COMPILATION – an individual creation for interested people. Below you will find an overview.
People are different and have different needs – also in the coaching process. Some want an individual audio session to access their issues repeatedly on a deeper level and let the informations sink in. Others want to have a summary of their topics, possibilities and options for change in a written form. And some want a spiritual-energetic tool for integrating this part. These individual needs are considered by the additional tools that you can add to your coaching.
Freieres Leben is a project of PsySOULogy LLC and does not provide psychotherapeutic or otherwise healing-oriented counseling or guidance. The content on Freieresleben.com should not be taken as therapeutic recommendations. Freieresleben.com and PsySOULogy LLC do not provide licensed medical or psychotherapeutic accompaniment, treatment or counseling, nor are the services intended as such.
Freieres Leben and PsySOULogy offer coaching, counseling, courses and publications beyond the legally defined medical profession. The offers of Freieres Leben and PsySOULogy are to be located in the area of personality development and are exclusively designed for people who do not suffer from any mental illness as defined in the current classification systems.
Individuals suffering from a condition requiring treatment are strongly advised to see a professionally educated specialist or therapist.
Freieres Leben and PsySOULogy are not responsible for the individual and subjective utilization of the offered content, as well as the results resulting from it. Any liability is excluded.
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