{"id":12839,"date":"2018-07-07T16:57:15","date_gmt":"2018-07-07T14:57:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/high-sensitivity-and-the-empathic-wound-between-unconditional-love-and-dependence\/"},"modified":"2024-10-31T19:40:49","modified_gmt":"2024-10-31T18:40:49","slug":"high-sensitivity-empathic-wound","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/high-sensitivity-empathic-wound\/","title":{"rendered":"High Sensitivity and the Empathic Wound | A Path to Healing"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"12839\" class=\"elementor elementor-12839 elementor-2879\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-aa39e4e elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"aa39e4e\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-5001960\" data-id=\"5001960\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-d281d2a elementor-toc--minimized-on-tablet elementor-widget elementor-widget-table-of-contents\" data-id=\"d281d2a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;headings_by_tags&quot;:[&quot;h3&quot;],&quot;exclude_headings_by_selector&quot;:[],&quot;marker_view&quot;:&quot;numbers&quot;,&quot;no_headings_message&quot;:&quot;No headings were found on this page.&quot;,&quot;minimize_box&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;,&quot;minimized_on&quot;:&quot;tablet&quot;,&quot;hierarchical_view&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;,&quot;min_height&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;min_height_tablet&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;min_height_mobile&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]}}\" data-widget_type=\"table-of-contents.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__header\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<h4 class=\"elementor-toc__header-title\">\n\t\t\t\tOverview\t\t\t<\/h4>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__toggle-button elementor-toc__toggle-button--expand\" role=\"button\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-controls=\"elementor-toc__d281d2a\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-label=\"Open table of contents\"><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-chevron-down\"><\/i><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__toggle-button elementor-toc__toggle-button--collapse\" role=\"button\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-controls=\"elementor-toc__d281d2a\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-label=\"Close table of contents\"><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-chevron-up\"><\/i><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div id=\"elementor-toc__d281d2a\" class=\"elementor-toc__body\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__spinner-container\">\n\t\t\t\t<i class=\"elementor-toc__spinner eicon-animation-spin eicon-loading\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><\/i>\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1b0e377 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"1b0e377\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Introduction<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-05678f6 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"05678f6\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><b>Empathic <\/b>or <b>highly sensitive individuals<\/b> often demonstrate an extraordinary ability to <u>empathize, showing deep understanding and warmth<\/u> toward those around them. Their &#8220;antennas&#8221; are highly attuned, picking up on the <b>most subtle details<\/b> across all levels of interaction. They may <b>sense energies<\/b> and have frequent <u>access to deeper, non-visible dimensions of experience<\/u>. <br \/>This supersensory perception allows them to bring an invaluable <b>gift of compassion<\/b> into the world. Their essence is rooted in lived <u>values of connection, care, and generosity<\/u>. <br \/>When they manage to give and empathize <u>while <b>maintaining self-love<\/b><\/u>, they can harness their potential for warmth, understanding, and true care in a deeply healing way.\u00a0<\/p><p>Yet, this gift also comes with <b>challenges<\/b>. Their fine-tuned sensitivity can lead to a <u>flood of impressions<\/u>. In relationships, highly empathic people <u>must learn to distinguish between their own feelings and those of others<\/u>, ensuring they stay <b>grounded<\/b> in themselves. <br \/>At times, they may <u>lose sight of their own emotions<\/u>, unconsciously <u>shifting their focus onto others<\/u> and <u>confusing external feelings with their own<\/u>. This <b>blending of emotions<\/b> can obscure their personal needs and desires, which become intertwined with the experiences of others. As a result, feelings of <b>fear, insecurity<\/b>, and the <em><b><u>empathic stress overload<\/u><\/b><\/em>\u00a0may develop. <b>Decision-making<\/b> becomes difficult, and <b>clear boundaries<\/b>\u00a0&#8211; both internal and external &#8211; may seem elusive, making it hard to voice a firm &#8220;no&#8221; due to inner turmoil.<\/p><p>Many empathic individuals struggle with these issues. But why is like that? Is <b>empathy<\/b> or <b>high sensitivity<\/b> an <u>inherent trait<\/u>, or does it stem from <u>early life imprints<\/u> or <u>wounds<\/u>?<\/p><p>Psychologist <i><u><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Highly-Sensitive-Person-Thrive-Overwhelms\/dp\/0553062182\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Elaine N. Aron<\/a><\/u><\/i> suggests that highly sensitive individuals have a <u>biologically determined, broader neuronal network<\/u>, which increases their <u>receptiveness<\/u> and <u>susceptibility<\/u> to stimuli. Aron and other researchers estimate that <b>15-20%<\/b> of the population are highly sensitive.<\/p><p>On the other hand, author Luca Rohleder, in his (german) book <em>The Love of Empathic People<\/em>, discusses the concept of an <u>unhealed newborn ego<\/u>, which needs <b>integration<\/b> and <b>conscious (self-)care<\/b>. He also highlights that the <b>ideal of love<\/b> cherished by empathic people may have its roots in <u>early childhood experiences<\/u>.<\/p><p>In my opinion, all humans have a natural sensitivity. We <b><u>all<\/u><\/b> possess the <b>potential<\/b> for heightened perception and sensitivity, but throughout our lives (or perhaps over multiple lifetimes, if you believe in such concepts), <u>painful experiences<\/u> shape <u>how we can access<\/u> this ability. Some individuals <u>shut down<\/u> their sensitivity, focusing inward, while others are <u>highly attuned<\/u> to external stimuli and may struggle to stay connected to their own inner world. The source, however, remains the same.<\/p><p>Of course, there are beautiful differences among us. Some children are naturally more attuned to subtle nuances, while others seem more resilient and less easily affected. Any mother reading this will likely attest to this truth. High sensitivity, therefore, <b><u>is not<\/u><\/b> inherently a wound or a disadvantage.<\/p><p>Certain children simply need more understanding and may experience their emotions in broader, more subtle ways. When raised in an environment with ideal conditions &#8211; supportive, loving guidance &#8211; they can develop both <b>healthy self-worth<\/b> and a <b>balanced sensitivity<\/b>. This enables them to establish <b>healthy boundaries<\/b>, making it easier to <b>distinguish<\/b> their own emotions from those of others.<\/p><p>When\u00a0\u00a0<b>high sensitivity<\/b> meets an <b>early external orientation<\/b>, this capacity can be reinforced, potentially leading to <b>extreme empathy<\/b>, or even <b><u>hypersensitivity<\/u><\/b>. In these cases, certain formative experiences may have a stronger impact, and the resulting mechanisms or <b>imprints<\/b> can either enhance or obstruct the person&#8217;s development.<\/p><p>From my perspective, when <u>particularly sensitive children<\/u> grow up in <u>certain environments<\/u>, it<b> increases the likelihood<\/b> of specific <u>early childhood imprints<\/u> or <b><u>wounds<\/u><\/b>. These imprints often direct their <b>thoughts, feelings,<\/b> and <b>actions<\/b> toward <b><u>others<\/u><\/b>, whereas individuals with a <b><u>narcissistic imprint<\/u><\/b> tend to focus on <b><u>themselves<\/u><\/b>.<\/p><p>It\u2019s crucial to note that terms like &#8220;empathy,&#8221; &#8220;high sensitivity,&#8221; and &#8220;narcissism&#8221; are <u>not<\/u> value judgments. I reject the notion of good\/evil or victim\/perpetrator in these contexts. Instead, these terms describe <u>two tendencies<\/u> that are far more alike than many might assume. If you want, you can explore\u00a0<b><u>how labels can sabotage your growth<\/u>\u00a0<\/b><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">in another article<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">.<\/span><\/p><p>This article presents a <u>general, visible<\/u> layer &#8211; what can be seen on the surface. Of course each soul carries its own story, one that shapes our ability to <u>access and express our feelings<\/u> and ultimately influences the course of our lives.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f406ac5 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"f406ac5\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Understanding <b>wounds <\/b>| the <b>early months of life<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-54843eb elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"54843eb\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">Before we take a close look at t<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">he\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bold;\"><u>empathetic wound<\/u><\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">, we have to understand the general processes\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">of development. The basics outlined here also apply for the <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\"><b><u>narcissistic wound<\/u><\/b><\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-ac9e573 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"ac9e573\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">1. physical <b>symbiosis<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7aed867 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"7aed867\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\">During pregnancy, the fetus experiences <b>physical symbiosis<\/b> with the mother, sharing her <b>blood, nutrients,<\/b> and even <b>emotional states<\/b>. Studies show that stress during pregnancy, for example, can have <u>measurable effects<\/u> on the fetus. This is because when the mother secretes stress hormones, the fetus also receives them, giving the unborn child an early experience of external emotional stimuli. Thus, even before birth, the <u>child experiences sensations<\/u> <b>linked to the mother&#8217;s emotional state<\/b>.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7910dd8 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"7910dd8\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">2. emotional-energetic<b> symbiosis<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-955f66b elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"955f66b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\">After birth, this symbiosis continues<b> emotionally and energetically<\/b>. When the mother is anxious or upset, the baby often mirrors these emotions, crying or becoming agitated. The child\u2019s survival <b>depends<\/b> on this<b> emotional bond<\/b>.<br \/><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">In states of &#8220;emergency&#8221;<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> the baby can draw attention: <\/span><i style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">&#8220;Something is wrong! I am not well. Take care of me!&#8221;<\/i><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> or <\/span><i style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">&#8220;I&#8217;m fine like this!<\/i><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> I am <\/span><i style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">satisfied!&#8221;<br \/><\/i><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">Also\u00a0the infant <\/span><u><span style=\"font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">reflects back the <\/span><b>mother&#8217;s emotional state<\/b><\/u><span style=\"font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">. For parents, this creates a challenging feedback loop: the infant not only experiences its own emotional needs but also reflects the parent\u2019s emotional state. A permanent mirror.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-70458cb elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"70458cb\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">3. <span style=\"font-weight: 700\">spectrum<\/span> of experienced feelings |<span style=\"font-weight: 700\"> BINARY<\/span><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-bf7380b elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"bf7380b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\">In the earliest stages, a child primarily experiences <b>two emotional extremes<\/b>: <u>comfort<\/u> (pleasure) and <u>discomfort<\/u> (pain). These <b>binary<\/b> sensations are crucial for survival, as they drive the infant to cry out, if attention and care is needed. The experience of existential levels of fear and anxiety thus <u>helps the infant to survive<\/u>. This binary emotional spectrum shapes the child\u2019s emotional development.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a75a2d6 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"a75a2d6\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">4. development | <span style=\"font-weight: 700\">ego-awareness, autonomy<\/span> &amp; <span style=\"font-weight: 700\">self-confidence<\/span><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e549e60 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"e549e60\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\">By around 18 months, the child becomes\u00a0<u>aware of being an\u00a0<i>&#8220;<b>I<\/b>&#8220;<\/i><\/u>. It establishes\u00a0<b>object permanence<\/b>, understanding that people and objects\u00a0<u>exist even when they\u2019re out of sight<\/u>. During this time, the child begins to\u00a0<b>explore<\/b>\u00a0the environment and develop\u00a0<b>autonomy<\/b>.\u00a0<b>Emotional regulation<\/b>\u00a0also starts to emerge, as parents help their child understand, verbalize &amp; regulate their emotions. This is laying the groundwork for\u00a0<b>self-confidence<\/b>\u00a0and a sense of\u00a0<b>self-efficacy<\/b>.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-74514ab elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"74514ab\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-07bb57a\" data-id=\"07bb57a\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3ceb309 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"3ceb309\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Formation of<\/b> the <b>empathic<\/b> wound<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-91419ce elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"91419ce\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>During the first months of life, every child requires unconditional love and care from their parents (usually primarily the mother) to <b>feel accepted<\/b> and <b>nurtured<\/b>. Providing the necessary <u>guidance, support,<\/u> and <u>emotional understanding<\/u> can be particularly challenging for parents of <u>highly sensitive children<\/u>. <br \/>Successful development hinges on the <u>parent\u2019s ability to adopt an empathetic approach<\/u>, <b>recognizing<\/b> and <b>responding<\/b> to the child\u2019s <b>subtler reactions<\/b>. Parents act as <u>mirrors<\/u> for the <b>child\u2019s self-image<\/b> and <b>self-acceptance<\/b>. If the sensitive child feels understood, they can learn to <u>manage their intense emotions constructively<\/u>.<\/p><p>In my view, the <b><u>empathic wound<\/u><\/b> forms through the <u><b>interaction<\/b> of a child\u2019s innate<b> sensitivity, temperament<\/b>,<\/u> and <b><u>certain life experiences<\/u><\/b>. These factors may include:<\/p><ol><li><p><u>Emotional-energetic symbiosis<\/u> \u2013 the strategy of identification<\/p><\/li><li><p><u>Early invalidations<\/u> \u2013 suppression of one\u2019s own feelings<\/p><\/li><li><p><u>The lonely, dependent, and angry child<\/u><\/p><\/li><li><p><u>Anxiety as a signal for external connection<\/u> \u2013 lack of independent emotional regulation<\/p><\/li><li><p><u>Beliefs and self-worth<\/u><\/p><\/li><\/ol><hr \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8baf25c elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"8baf25c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">1. <b>emotional-energetic symbiosis<\/b> - the strategy of <b>identification<\/b> <\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3fe76af elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"3fe76af\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Highly sensitive individuals possess <u>heightened emotional sensitivity<\/u> and <u>long-term memory retention<\/u>. Early on, the <b>emotional-energetic symbiosis<\/b> with the mother, a natural survival mechanism, is <b>embedded<\/b> as a <b>working solution strategy<\/b>. Children learn to <b>regulate their emotional states<\/b> through <b>emotional fusion<\/b> with the mother (and later with others).<\/p><p>This connection becomes <b>especially ingrained<\/b> if the <u>child&#8217;s emotional needs are overlooked<\/u> or<b> invalidated<\/b>, prompting them to <u>extend the symbiotic bond<\/u> beyond the expected developmental phase and engage in a pattern of vicarious emotional processing.<\/p><p><strong>Example:<\/strong><br \/><i>Jennifer, a highly sensitive 12-month-old, cries to be held by her mother, who is struggling with depression. The <u>mother&#8217;s inability to respond<\/u> increases Stefanie&#8217;s <b>distress<\/b>. Jennifer, <u>sensing her mother&#8217;s despair<\/u>, <b>suppresses her own emotions<\/b> and <b><u>smiles<\/u><\/b>, mirroring <u>her mother\u2019s needs<\/u>. This triggers a <b>positive response from the mother<\/b>, <b>reinforcing<\/b> the <b><u>symbiotic strategy<\/u><\/b>.\u00a0<br \/><\/i><i>In contrast, Laura, a <u>less sensitive child<\/u> in a similar situation, expresses her distress openly &amp; continuously. Her <u>mother <b>finally responds<\/b> to her escalating cries<\/u>, providing the <b>emotional support<\/b> Sabine requires <u>without the need for emotional-energetic symbiosis<\/u>.<\/i><i><br \/><\/i><\/p><p>Over time, the emotional suppression and reliance on external validation can become habitual for Jennifer.<br \/><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">This strategy can become <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\"><b>deeply entrenched<\/b><\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> if it <u>repeatedly results in attention and reassurance<\/u>\u00a0(reinforcement). The child learns to <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\"><b>regulate their own distress<\/b><\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> by <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\"><b>responding to the caregiver\u2019s needs<\/b><\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> rather than addressing their own emotions.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5e9a8de elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"5e9a8de\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">2. early <b>invalidations<\/b> - <b>suppression of<\/b> one\u00b4s own <b>feelings <\/b> \n<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-72f2c98 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"72f2c98\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\"><b>Invalidations<\/b> are especially prevalent in empathic individuals because <u>their inner lives and perceptions are much more complex<\/u>. Parents can only recognize and understand emotions they themselves have experienced. When parents <u>struggle to interpret <b>emotional cues<\/b><\/u> or <u>lack the ability to <b>empathize<\/b><\/u> with their child&#8217;s inner world, the child does not receive the <u><b>full<\/b> emotional understanding<\/u> it needs. This creates an incomplete or missing mirror of the sensitive child&#8217;s emotional reality.<\/p><p class=\"western\">Invalidations become even more impactful when parents are <b>overwhelmed, emotionally needy, or preoccupied<\/b> with their own problems, or when the family atmosphere is<b> harsh<\/b> or <b>abrasive<\/b>. Additionally, factors like <b><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Parentification\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><u>parentification<\/u><\/a><\/b> or <b>abuse<\/b> of any kind further amplify the damage.<br \/>Highly sensitive children feel <u>even small rejections<\/u> <b>more acutely<\/b>, storing these painful experiences deeply. From a child&#8217;s perspective, this can lead to <b>foundational beliefs<\/b> like <i><b>&#8220;Nobody understands me&#8221;<\/b><\/i> or <i><b>&#8220;I am unimportant.&#8221;<\/b><\/i> <br \/>If their emotions go <u>unrecognized<\/u> and <u>unappreciated<\/u>, the child may be <u>left alone with their feelings<\/u>, struggling to <b>make sense<\/b> of their experiences. They may <b>question emotions<\/b> that are not reflected back to them, leading to a <u>fragmentation of their <b>self-image<\/b><\/u>.<\/p><p class=\"western\">Like <b><u>narcissistic individuals<\/u><\/b>, empathic children who are repeatedly <u>misunderstood<\/u> may experience a deep <b>existential panic<\/b>. Over time, these painful feelings become <b>too overwhelming<\/b>, causing the child to <b>repress<\/b> or<b> split off parts<\/b> of themselves. This leads to the development of <u>automatic coping mechanisms<\/u>, where <u>emotional experiences are pushed away<\/u> in favor of <b>strategies that provide immediate relief<\/b>.<\/p><p class=\"western\">The empathic child may begin to <u>adopt an <b>emotional caretaker role<\/b><\/u>, attempting to <b>regulate their own emotions<\/b> by <b><u>focusing on the needs and feelings of others<\/u><\/b>.<\/p><p class=\"western\">Unlike <b><u>narcissistic imprinting<\/u><\/b>, which leads to <u>emotional detachment<\/u> and <u>passive withdrawal<\/u>, <b><u>empathic imprinting<\/u><\/b>\u00a0may result in <b>external orientation<\/b> and an exaggerated\u00a0<b>emotional attachement<\/b>. The empathic child <u>seeks connection<\/u> and <u>identification<\/u> with others as a way to <b><u>cope<\/u><\/b> with overwhelming <b>fear<\/b> and <b>anxiety<\/b>. Both strategies, however, serve the same fundamental purpose: avoiding the terror of <b>existential isolation<\/b> and <b>emotional disconnection<\/b>.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-166fb31 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"166fb31\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">3. the <b>lonely, dependent<\/b> and <b>angry child<\/b>\n<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7cfc86f elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"7cfc86f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div><div dir=\"auto\" data-message-author-role=\"assistant\" data-message-id=\"478d6822-67c1-4bc1-b825-7a3f20ac9d16\" data-message-model-slug=\"gpt-4o\"><div><div><p>As with <b><u>narcissistic individuals<\/u><\/b>, empathically <u>wounded<\/u> children can also grow up feeling <b>lonely, dependent, fearful,<\/b> and often harboring <b>repressed anger<\/b>. These children learn to suppress their own emotions in favor of <u>constantly attuning to external signals<\/u>, trying to <b>anticipate<\/b> and <b>respond<\/b> to the <b><u>needs of others<\/u><\/b>. This <u>heightened receptivity<\/u> can lead to <b>chronic inner restlessness<\/b> and <b>tension<\/b>, a state I call the <b><u>&#8220;empathic stress loop.&#8221; (article)<\/u><\/b><br \/>Over time, the child may <u>lose contact<\/u> with its <u>own feelings<\/u> and <u>sensations<\/u>, making it increasingly difficult to fully <b>understand or know itself<\/b>.<\/p><p>In the emotional world of the empathic child, certain <b>emotions<\/b> become labeled as <b>dangerous<\/b> &#8211; particularly those that <u>threaten<\/u> their <u>strategy of regulating feelings<\/u> through <b>external validation<\/b>. Despite efforts to suppress these feelings, recurring experiences of rejection or misunderstanding inevitably trigger<b> frustration<\/b> and<b> anger<\/b>. These emotions are <b>quickly repressed<\/b> but <b>accumulate<\/b> over time, creating an <b><u>internal reservoir of unresolved tension<\/u><\/b>.<\/p><p>Even <b>healthy egocentric impulses<\/b>, which are essential for personal development and autonomy, fall victim to this repression. These impulses, which normally support the <b>child&#8217;s natural drive for independence<\/b>, become stifled. <b><u>Autonomy development<\/u><\/b> &#8211; through which a child gains <b>confidence<\/b> and <b>self-reliance<\/b> by exploring the world &#8211; becomes <b><u>significantly impaired<\/u><\/b> for the empathic child. The <b>learned dependence<\/b> on external feedback makes it much harder for them to separate from caregivers or assert their individuality.<\/p><p>In cases where\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bold;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Parentification\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><u>parentification<\/u><\/a><\/span>\u00a0occurs, the child may even develop the <u>belief <b>that they are responsible<\/b> for their caregiver&#8217;s emotional well-being<\/u>. This further complicates the child&#8217;s ability to explore the world freely or detach, as <u>moving away from the caregiver feels <b>emotionally dangerous<\/b><\/u>. The <u>fear of separation<\/u> becomes so intense that the child is metaphorically <b>&#8220;pulled back&#8221;<\/b> like a magnet, unable to venture out or form a solid sense of self.<\/p><p>For the empathic child, the idea of <u>losing a caregiver<\/u> (who often is a actually in need of care) &#8211; or <b>being rejected<\/b> &#8211; feels like an <b>existential threat<\/b>. This fear <b>amplifies<\/b> the <b>repression of natural impulses<\/b>, especially when parents have responded to anger with <b>invalidation<\/b> or <b>punishment<\/b>. <br \/>Over time, the child learns to<b> suppress<\/b> not only <b>anger<\/b> and <b>frustration<\/b> but also their <b>fundamental egocentric desires<\/b>. These feelings are metaphorically <b>&#8220;locked away,&#8221;<\/b> much like what occurs in <b><u>narcissistic imprinting<\/u><\/b>. The result is an inner life full of <b>unreleased anger<\/b>, often directed toward primary caregivers, but buried beneath layers of <b>emotional self-denial<\/b>.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-082129a elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"082129a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">4. <b>Fear<\/b> initiates <b>external orientation<\/b> | The <b>co-regulation trap<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-93bac7e elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"93bac7e\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Fear, for empathic children<span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">\u00a0transforms into an <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\"><b>automatic signal<\/b><\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> that prompts individuals to <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\"><b>orient themselves outward<\/b><\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">. For the empathic child, this outward orientation serves as a <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\"><b>means of securing reassurance<\/b><\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">. Such <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\"><b><u>co-regulation<\/u><\/b><\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> is natural, provided the child can <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\"><b><u>also<\/u><\/b><\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> engage in <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\"><b><u>self-regulation<\/u><\/b><\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">. <br \/>However, in this context, the <u>outward approach<\/u> gradually becomes the <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\"><b>sole method of coping<\/b><\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">. The child does <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\"><b>not<\/b><\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> learn to endure or regulate these emotions, leading to the development of an <u>intolerance toward fear<\/u> itself.<\/span><\/p><p>To manage their feelings, the empathic child &#8211; who later becomes an adult &#8211; resorts to <b>external<\/b> sources for regulation. This process can be described as <b>&#8220;playing across the board,&#8221;<\/b> where individuals seek <u>validation, reassurance and suppor<\/u>t from others rather than learning to <b>navigate their feelings<\/b> independently.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-fc512ed elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"fc512ed\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">5. <b>Self-efficacy<\/b> and <b>emotional dependence<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-27bf153 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"27bf153\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">The belief that <\/span><i style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"><b>&#8220;I can do something about my feelings,&#8221;<\/b><\/i><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> known as <\/span><a style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight ); \" href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Self-efficacy\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><u>self-efficacy<\/u><\/strong><\/a><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">, becomes intertwined with the <\/span><b style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\">need to perceive<\/b><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> and empathize with others while suppressing one&#8217;s own emotions. This dynamic can reinforce a <\/span><b style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\">fundamental belief<\/b><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> that <\/span><i style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"><b>&#8220;I must do something to be loved or noticed.&#8221;<\/b><\/i>\n\nSuch an assumption inevitably leads to another: <i><b>&#8220;I am not wholly lovable&#8221;<\/b><\/i>\u00a0&#8211; a belief stemming from the notion that certain feelings must be concealed.\n\nIf <u>independent regulation of emotions<\/u> is not achieved and calming can <b>only<\/b> occur through <b>external means<\/b>, an unconscious dependence on others can develop. <b>External individuals<\/b> become essential; they are simply needed.\n\nYou may use auto-translated subtitles for this german video, that dives deep in the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=C0Rasdt4BnU\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><u>mechanisms of\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bold; font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\">playing across the board<\/span><\/u><\/a><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\">.<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">\u00a0<\/span>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-036cdb7 elementor-widget__width-initial elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"036cdb7\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;youtube_url&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/www.youtube.com\\\/watch?v=C0Rasdt4BnU&quot;,&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;youtube&quot;,&quot;controls&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-video\"><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-d251dc8 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"d251dc8\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>6. <\/b>Core <b>Beliefs <\/b>and <b>Low Self-Worth<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e598148 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"e598148\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\">As with <b><u>narcissistic individuals<\/u><\/b>, empathic children often form <u>deep-rooted <b>beliefs<\/b><\/u> based on their experiences. Statements like <i><b>&#8220;Nobody understands me&#8221;<\/b><\/i> become internalized when sensitivity is misunderstood. Over time, these beliefs harden into a sense of <b>being inherently &#8220;wrong&#8221;<\/b> or <b>&#8220;unacceptable.&#8221;<\/b> <br>Phrases like <i><b>&#8220;Don&#8217;t be so sensitive&#8221;<\/b><\/i> or <i><b>&#8220;It&#8217;s not that bad&#8221;<\/b><\/i> reinforce these ideas, cementing a <b>low sense of self-worth<\/b>. <br>Empathic children may come to believe:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<p class=\"western\">Their <b>worth<\/b> is <b>tied to their efforts<\/b> or performance.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"western\">They are <b>bad<\/b> or <b>worthless<\/b> if they <b>do not care for or empathize<\/b> with others.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"western\"><b>Anxiety<\/b> is intolerable and<b> cannot be managed independently<\/b>.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"western\">They <b>need others<\/b> to feel complete.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"western\">Their <b>actions<\/b> must always <b style=\"\">align<\/b><b> with the expectations of others<\/b>.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"western\"><b>Anger<\/b> or <b>self-centeredness<\/b> must be <b>suppressed<\/b> in favor of <b>maintaining harmony<\/b>.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"western\">In adulthood, these beliefs often persist, shaping <u>relationships<\/u> and<b> self-perception<\/b>. Unlike <b><u>narcissistic individuals<\/u><\/b>, empaths tend to have better access to their emotions and are more likely to recognize self-esteem issues. However, they may <u>resist letting go of these deep-seated beliefs<\/u> due to a strong <b>desire to be perceived as &#8220;good.&#8221;<\/b><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-7a93b5e elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"7a93b5e\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-304b4a0\" data-id=\"304b4a0\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-449ee93 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"449ee93\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Empathic wounding<\/b> and Its <b>impact<\/b> on life<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-be63816 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"be63816\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\">The effects of empathic wounding are profound. <i>Dami Charf\u2019s<\/i> book <em>Even Old Wounds Can Heal<\/em>\u00a0(german) provides insight into developmental trauma and how it affects empaths.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1da3e5c elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"1da3e5c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">1. developmental <span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-primary );font-weight: 700\">delays<\/span><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-primary )\"> <\/span><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-primary )\"><\/span><br><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-705001a elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"705001a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\">Due to their own <u>intense emotions<\/u> and <u>learned external orientation<\/u>, empathic individuals may experience <b>developmental delays<\/b>. When an empath&#8217;s <u>identification with others<\/u> is pronounced, it becomes challenging to <u>distinguish their own feelings from those of others<\/u>. The more frequently this leads to the activation of the <strong><u>empathic stress loop<\/u><\/strong>, the more time the <strong>highly sensitive individual<\/strong> loses in terms of <u>personal growth<\/u> and <u>development<\/u>.<\/p><p class=\"western\">Moreover, the <b>blending of feelings<\/b> and the <b>repression of anger<\/b> often results in a <b>lack of access<\/b> to one&#8217;s <b>own emotional compass<\/b>, which is essential for effective <b>decision-making<\/b>. Pursuing specific goals can also become more challenging. If the empathic person has not learned to <b>maintain self-connection<\/b>, <u>confusion<\/u> can arise in their relationships. Their own goals, values, and desires may become <u>distorted<\/u> and <u>questioned<\/u> due to this identification. Consequently, the empathic adult may feel <b>disoriented<\/b> and <b>lost<\/b>, leading to <b>long-term dissatisfaction<\/b> and <b>frustration<\/b> (often directed at themselves).<\/p><p class=\"western\">Many empathically inclined individuals embark on a lifelong journey of <b>self-discovery<\/b>. In this process, it is common for them to <u>seek direction from others<\/u>, ideologies, or trends, often <b>identifying<\/b> with these external sources to find support and <b>guidance<\/b>. <br \/>This creates a <b><u>vicious cycle<\/u><\/b>: to mitigate the fear, insecurity, and dissatisfaction arising from emotional conflation, the empathic person <u>seeks connection with others<\/u> or an ideal. However, this <u>perpetuates the blending of their own sensations<\/u> with those of others, making it difficult for them to access <b><u>their unique emotional spectrum<\/u><\/b>. As a result, they may experience <b>confusion, uncertainty, self-doubt, and ambivalence<\/b> regarding their decisions.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-00bf4e1 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"00bf4e1\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">2. The <b>love<\/b> ideal<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a7df85b elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"a7df85b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Based on the experiences and functioning mechanisms, <b>a (love) ideal<\/b> can emerge, similar to <u><b>narcissistic imprinting<\/b><\/u>. In the world of the empathic person, unconditional love takes the form of <u>absolute devotion, uncompromising empathy, the withdrawal of one\u2019s own needs, and maintaining harmony<\/u> (no anger!). Please do not misunderstand me: <b>unconditional love<\/b> <b><u>is<\/u><\/b> a highly valuable pursuit, and I firmly believe that unconditional love, beyond empathic imprinting, inherently resides in every (highly sensitive) person.<\/p>\n<p>However, the empathic imprint <u>contaminates<\/u> this <b>unconditionality<\/b>. The ideal may be shaped by unconscious motives stemming from the individual&#8217;s imprinting history.<\/p>\n<p>Beliefs such as <i>&#8220;I am wrong,&#8221; &#8220;As I am, I am not seen or accepted,&#8221; &#8220;I am not allowed to express my anger,&#8221;<\/i> or <i>&#8220;The other person is more important than me&#8221;<\/i> <b><u>drive<\/u><\/b> the empathic person&#8217;s<b> desire for unconditional love from another person<\/b>. They are <b><u>not yet<\/u><\/b> complete within themselves, this unconditional love approach doesn\u00b4t <u>encompass themselves<\/u>. <br>An incomplete sense of self excludes the <b>(healthy) self-centered and assertive parts<\/b>. As long as the empathic person holds the (unconscious) belief that they <b>need to do something<\/b>&nbsp;&#8211; such as pruning themselves or adapting in order to be seen, loved, and appreciated &#8211; they are acting out of fear, not love. As a result, they <b>cannot show up fully<\/b> and <b>authentically<\/b>.<\/p>\n<p>Another person <u>cannot<\/u> love them fully because <u>they cannot let themselves be fully seen<\/u>. In this way, the <b>ideal of love<\/b> is built on a <u>foundation of deficiency<\/u>. The empathic person is often not fully aware of this paradox: they <u>do not love themselves entirely<\/u>, yet <u>they long for someone else to do so<\/u>.<\/p>\n<p>Moreover, the empathic person <b>ties their value<\/b> within this <b>love ideal to external validation<\/b>. Like the<b><u> narcissistic individual<\/u><\/b>, the empath experiences a <b>deep longing to be fully loved<\/b>, often because they believe they have never truly experienced this. What escapes their notice is that they must <u>first embrace this love within themselves<\/u>.<\/p>\n<p>On the contrary, based on this ideal, they <u>subconsciously expect others to be <b>free of anger<\/b><\/u> and (healthy) <b>self-centeredness<\/b>, just like them. Through the lens of this<b> flawless ideal<\/b>, they often perceive others in a distorted (idealized) way at first and engage with them accordingly. When they eventually <u>realize that others deviate from this image<\/u>, the empathic person often experiences <b>shock<\/b>.<\/p>\n<p>The empath can be so attached to an ideal that <u>any deviation triggers their repressed <b>fears<\/b><\/u> and pent-up <b>anger<\/b>. In such moments, they may be <b>hard on themselves<\/b> and, at times, suddenly <b>hard on others<\/b>. They reproach themselves (and sometimes secretly others) for <b>violating their ideal<\/b>, simultaneously experiencing <b>deep confusion<\/b> and <b>emotional chaos<\/b>. This mirrors the <b>feelings<\/b> they encountered <u>before<\/u> they established their <u>protective ideal image<\/u> in response to invalidations during childhood.<\/p>\n<p>Through <b>harsh self-criticism<\/b> (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/intl\/blog\/theory-of-knowledge\/201604\/turning-against-the-self-how-it-causes-depressive-cycles\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>turning against the self<\/u><\/b><\/a>), the empathic person <u>reenacts childhood experiences<\/u>, triggering <u>old wounds<\/u>. Now, it is <b><u>they<\/u><\/b> who <u>fail to accept themselves, condemning their impulses and feelings when they act against their ideal<\/u>. <br>In this way, they perpetuate the very pain they experienced in their youth, continuing a <b>cycle<\/b> for the sake of an unquestioned model internalized from those early experiences.<\/p>\n<p>Within this model, the empathic person functions exceptionally well. However, when problems arise or deviations occur from this idealized world, they react with <b>fear, insecurity,<\/b> and often <b>anger<\/b> or <b>despair<\/b>. In such moments, it feels as if the ground is being pulled out from under their feet &#8211; essentially, this is what is happening. It is not uncommon for the empath to look for the cause of these feelings outside themselves &#8211; in the behavior of others (externalization!). Yet, in truth, it is <b>their inner chaos<\/b> that they are feeling, as the <b>illusory framework<\/b> they once thought was reality begins to crumble.<br>Because &#8211; <b>every one<\/b> feels anger, envy or even hatred &#8211; that\u00b4s also part of being a human, but &#8211; it was never learned.&nbsp;<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b444f95 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"b444f95\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">3. <b>anger<\/b> paralysis<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-81af6ad elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"81af6ad\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>The empathic person often <b>avoids competition<\/b> and <b>rivalry<\/b>, <b>lacks self-assertion<\/b>, and tends to shrink back and hide, justifying this behavior with their ideal. They believe the world should be a place of <b>peace, harmony, and reconciliation<\/b>. And indeed &#8211; we need these values more in our world! <br>However, even within this ideal, they are <b><u>not<\/u><\/b> entirely authentic, genuine, or whole. In the short term, this ideal helps them <b>avoid confronting difficult emotions<\/b> like <b>fear, anger,<\/b> and <b>insecurity<\/b>. But beyond their familiar ideal, they fear they may not be able <b>to cope with reality<\/b>. They often <b>avoid (even healthy) conflict<\/b>, especially when it involves dealing with <b>anger<\/b> or <b>egocentric impulses<\/b>.<\/p>\n<p>When the empathic person taps into their anger, they may experience what can be described as an <b>&#8220;anger paralysis,&#8221;<\/b> feeling stuck or immobilized due to a lack of constructive strategies. This reaction may stem from developmental trauma &#8211; an <u>automatic response<\/u> ingrained over time. In some cases, their <b><u>inhibition of aggression<\/u><\/b> is so strong that they feel completely<b> frozen<\/b>, unable to act, which can escalate in <b><u><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Dissociation_(psychology)\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">dissociation<\/a><\/u><\/b>. What\u2019s needed here is a <b><u>healthier way to process and express anger<\/u><\/b>.<\/p>\n<p>Even if the empathic person manages to express their anger, feelings of <b>guilt<\/b> often follow soon after. They might <b>retract<\/b> or<b> soften their initial statements<\/b> because they\u2019ve <u>violated their internal (love) ideal<\/u> and begin to condemn themselves. Moreover, distancing themselves from another person can feel like a form of self-annihilation, which makes conflict even more difficult.<\/p>\n<p>As a result, the empathic person tends to <b>avoid necessary conflicts<\/b>. Thanks to their heightened sensitivity, they know exactly how to <b>prevent escalation<\/b> and <b>restore harmony<\/b>. This strategy of external orientation often works, but it comes at the cost of their <b>own needs, desires, and emotions<\/b>.<\/p>\n<p>Another consequence of avoiding conflict is that they don\u2019t develop the <b>skills to assert themselves<\/b> when needed. This can lead to feelings of <b>helplessness<\/b>, and a perceived inability to handle conflict can further erode their <b>self-worth<\/b>. In turn, this internal struggle can lead to <b>more anger or fear<\/b>, deepening the cycle of avoidance.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4005748 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"4005748\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">4. <b>self-sabotage<\/b> &amp; depression<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-660f06f elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"660f06f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Partial self-denial and self-sabotage can lead to increasing <b>anger<\/b> and <b>frustration<\/b>, accumulating in an <b><u>internal, locked box<\/u><\/b>. At times, <u>this anger may <b>erupt<\/b><\/u>. If the empathic person could accept, understand, and feel these emotions, it would be beneficial. <br><b><u>Anger<\/u><\/b> gives us clues when our <u>needs, goals, or desires are threatened<\/u>. It informs us about <u>what we want<\/u> or <u>don\u2019t want<\/u>. To benefit from this, <u>we need to <b>allow<\/b> the feelings, <b>accept<\/b> them, and <b>let them breathe<\/b><\/u>. This would give the empathic person the opportunity to <b>understand themselves<\/b> better and <b>gain clarity<\/b>, leading to<b> personal growth<\/b>.<\/p>\n<p>Integrating and accepting these emotions, the empathic person could develop an <b>intuitive protection<\/b> from situations and people who don\u2019t value or respect them. However, because their ideal doesn\u2019t allow for a full range of feelings, they often <u><b>question themselves<\/b> instead of others<\/u>. This leads to <u>neglecting their own needs<\/u> and staying in situations or with people who no longer serve them or may have bad intentions.<\/p>\n<p>When this leads to <b>repeated frustration, sadness,<\/b> and <b>anger<\/b>, the <em><b><u>empathic stress loop<\/u><\/b><\/em> begins. The overflow of emotions results from <b>acting against oneself, resisting feelings<\/b> instead of addressing them. The empathic person often <u>blames external circumstances for their distress<\/u>, not recognizing <b>their own self-sabotage<\/b>, and may <u>withdraw from contacts<\/u> and situations.<\/p>\n<p>At times, isolation might seem like the only solution &#8211; to retreat from an <u>overstimulating world<\/u> and &#8211; their <u>own suppressed feelings<\/u>. Yet, deep down, they <b>crave connection<\/b>. In this retreat, they experience loss. Overwhelmed by stimuli and internal conflict, they reach their <b>emotional limit<\/b>, leading to <b>confusion<\/b>. <br><b>Anger<\/b> and <b>irritation<\/b> surface, followed by <b>guilt<\/b>, causing the empathic person to <b>withdraw<\/b> even further. The internal pressure builds, increasing the need for external validation. Despite understanding others so well, they often <u>struggle to understand themselves<\/u>.<\/p>\n<p>A recurring experience for empathic people is <b>realizing<\/b>, in their quest for connection, that they don\u2019t feel ready for <u>authentic<\/u> contact. This can lead to <b>despair, depression, <\/b>and <b>hopelessness<\/b>.<\/p>\n<p><b>Example:<\/b><br><em>Viktor and Stefanie plan to go to the cinema on Sunday evening. Stefanie is excited to see a new film about Thich Nhat Hanh, while Viktor has no interest in this topic. Outside the cinema, <b>Viktor decides<\/b>, without asking Stefanie, to see &#8220;Die Hard, Part 23&#8221; instead. Stefanie <b>dislikes action movies<\/b> but <b>wants Viktor to have a good evening<\/b> before his busy workweek. She notices <b>he&#8217;s restless and irritable<\/b> (external orientation). After all, <b>relationships are about mutual consideration<\/b> (love ideal).<br>Sitting in the cinema, Stefanie feels <b>uneasy<\/b>. The violence in the film <b>affects her<\/b> deeply, and her <b>repressed anger rises<\/b>. But <b>at least Viktor is holding her hand<\/b>. She <b>forces a smile<\/b> (<b><u><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Reaction_formation\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">reaction formation<\/a><\/u><\/b>) and feels <b>guilty<\/b> for her <b>angry impulses<\/b> (<b><u><a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/intl\/blog\/theory-of-knowledge\/201604\/turning-against-the-self-how-it-causes-depressive-cycles\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">turning against the self<\/a><\/u><\/b>). <br>When Viktor drops her off at home, she feels<b> drained<\/b> and old thoughts like <b>&#8220;I am worthless&#8221;<\/b> and <b>&#8220;I am to blame&#8221;<\/b> haunt her, keeping her awake at night.<br>The next morning, she feels <b>miserable<\/b>. When her friend Sabine calls to ask how she&#8217;s doing, Stefanie reacts with <b>irritation<\/b>. Sabine offers to visit, but later, Stefanie feels <b>guilty<\/b> and<b> cancels the meeting<\/b>. She <b>questions herself<\/b>, wondering <b>why she can\u2019t just be content<\/b>. That evening, Stefanie <b>cries herself to sleep<\/b>, feeling <b>lonely<\/b> and <b>longing for Viktor<\/b>.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>This article is close to my heart because <u>all of this can be <b>interrupted<\/b> and <b>un-learned<\/b><\/u>. The empathic person <b><u>can<\/u><\/b> discover the <b>source of their suffering<\/b> and learn to love themselves. They <b><u>can<\/u><\/b> embrace their full self, including anger and self-centeredness. These feelings are not wrong but are part of our human experience, guiding us in life. The empath <b><u>can<\/u><\/b> speak their truth without becoming aggressive or dismissive. The first step is <b>to see, what they are doing<\/b>.<\/p>\n<p>By honestly reflecting on themselves, <b>acceptance<\/b> and <b>understanding<\/b> can break the lie that emotions must be suppressed. The empath <b><u>can<\/u><\/b> learn to <b>take care of themselves<\/b> and <b>overcome the need for external validation<\/b>. By assuming<b> full responsibility<\/b> for their emotions, they can experience <b>true liberation<\/b> and <b>authentic relationships<\/b>, becoming more <b>confident<\/b> and <b>self-determined<\/b>.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e87fa6e elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"e87fa6e\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">5. bound rage | <b>turn against the self<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-05ed8e6 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"05ed8e6\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Unconsciously, the empathically wounded person <b>reenacts<\/b> his primary childhood experience over and over again. By orienting himself to his ideal, he experiences supposed security and a sense of control. He knows what he has to do within the framework of this model. Because of its natural receptivity and receptivity, it sees where it is needed. In doing so, however, he repeatedly denounces the very part of his being that is still crying out so much to finally be seen and perceived.<\/p>\n<p>The empathic person &#8211; like the narcissistic person &#8211; is <b>not fully present<\/b>. He does not holistically include his own being in the gift of his sensitivity and subtlety: his anger. He remains cut off from the actual core message of this feeling &#8211; that his own goals, values and needs are at risk &#8211; by his inner prohibition. He is missing out on an <b>important source of information for adjusting his own life decisions<\/b>.<\/p>\n<p>He experiences <b>feelings of guilt<\/b> and turns <b>his anger against himself<\/b>. Here again a defense mechanism is at work, which can be named as&nbsp;<b><u><a href=\"http:\/\/abwehrmechanismen.blogspot.com\/2016\/01\/abwehrmechanismus-wendung-gegen-das.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">turn against the self<\/a><\/u><\/b>. Interestingly, this defense mechanism is the <b>counterpart of<\/b> the <b><u><a href=\"https:\/\/de.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Projektion_(Psychologie)\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">projection<\/a><\/u><\/b> (in which one&#8217;s own feelings are externalized onto another). Projection is the preferred defense mechanism in narcissistic imprinting! The empathic person also projects, only with different content. It <b>projects positive wishful thinking<\/b> (see &#8220;Ideal&#8221;). Simplified: the empathic person automatically <b>swallows<\/b> what the <u>narcissistic<\/u> person <u>does not want to have with him<\/u> (a form of <b><u><a href=\"https:\/\/de.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Introjektion\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">introjection<\/a><\/u><\/b>).<\/p>\n<p>The empathic person does not use the anger. He\/she is more concerned that his baser sensibilities will be discovered. From numerous conversations and my own experience, I know that empathic people often show behavior in this case that <b>completely contradicts the actual feelings<\/b>. He\/she pretends to be particularly obliging and understanding because of his guilt. Associated with this is also the stress response <b><i><u><a href=\"http:\/\/www.pete-walker.com\/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Fawning<\/a><\/u><\/i><\/b> to which I also refer in the <b><i><a href=\"https:\/\/www.exit-gaslighting.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><u>book Exit Gaslighting<\/u><\/a><\/i><\/b> in detail.<\/p>\n<p>In psychoanalysis, this mechanism is called the <a href=\"https:\/\/de.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Reaktionsbildung\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>reaction formation<\/u><\/b><\/a> called reaction formation. In order to maintain the illusion of his security-based view of himself and the world, the empathic person begins to become (unconsciously) <b>inauthentic<\/b>. He wants to live <b>truthfulness<\/b> and unconditionality, but behaves exactly <b>the opposite<\/b> (towards himself).<\/p>\n<p>The empathic person always puts a <b>part of himself<\/b> into this inner box. Perhaps he, too, occasionally feels a low rumble when he experiences too much anger and frustration after sustained consideration, <b>self-sacrifice<\/b>, and being there for others. However, this is quickly replaced by <b>fear<\/b>.<\/p>\n<p><b>Another example:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><i>Stefanie and Viktor are in the swimming pool together. Viktor finds pleasure in looking at other women in their bikinis and also shows no inclination to hide his interest. Stefanie speaks to him about it. Viktor reacts angrily: &#8220;I&#8217;m just a man, I can&#8217;t help it. You always get in line! <b>If you want to ruin my day, you&#8217;re on the right track!<\/b>&#8220;. He <b>turns away<\/b> and is silent, closing his eyes and locking <b>out<\/b>. Stefanie is <b>hurt<\/b> &#8211; but also very <b>angry<\/b>. In her anger, she leaves the shared berth and goes to the kiosk. Then <b>panic<\/b> and <b>confusion<\/b> rise in her. <b>Is Viktor perhaps right?<\/b> Is he now thinking about <b>breaking up?<\/b> The thought of having to do without him <b>scares<\/b> her. She comes to the conclusion that she is actually glad to have Viktor as a boyfriend. At the kiosk <b>she buys him a portion of fries<\/b> and goes back to the square. She is unsettled as she hands Viktor the fries. When he <b>smiles at<\/b> her and thanks her, Stefanie&#8217;s world is all <b>right again<\/b>. The fact that Viktor continues to look for other women no longer appeals to her. Their anger ends up in the box.<\/i> Perhaps you recognize the connection to the initial example of the little girl here?<\/p>\n<p><i>The next day, Stefanie tells her friend Sabine about the incident. Sabine reports that her boyfriend Ralf behaved similarly the day before yesterday at the lake. She then angrily <b>packed her things<\/b> and went to a friend&#8217;s house, with whom she spent the rest of the day. She had not contacted Ralf again. It <b>was up to him to<\/b> think about what he actually wanted. She <b>said she was too good for that<\/b>. If he clearly commits himself to her, one can see further. But maybe he&#8217;s just not ready for a committed relationship and <b>that&#8217;s just the way it is<\/b>.<\/i><\/p>\n<p>Stefanie and Sabine have experienced similar situations. Due to her empathic imprinting, Stefanie <b>automatically repressed<\/b> her anger because the thought of losing Viktor <b>scared<\/b> her (= <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/?p=12821\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>conflict<\/u><\/b><\/a>). Sabine, on the other hand, whistles at Ralf because she has <b>left room for<\/b> her <b>anger<\/b> and understood its message.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-76311fc elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"76311fc\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-aa92373\" data-id=\"aa92373\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-32fd2fd elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"32fd2fd\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Conclusion |<b> <\/b>How <b>empathic people<\/b> <b>relate <\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-9eebfe0 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"9eebfe0\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tThe empathic person often feels misunderstood and out of place in the world. Their ideal of love involves <b>unconditional empathy<\/b>, understanding, and consideration for their partner. However, their own unconditional love does not fully include <b>themselves<\/b>. They are <b>not<\/b> entirely present. Due to past experiences and beliefs, there exists a (subconscious) lack within them. They believe they don\u2019t <b>deserve<\/b> love for its own sake (<i>&#8220;I have to do something&#8230;&#8221;<\/i>).\n\nThe empathic person is ready to give unconditionally, perceiving their loved one through the lens of their <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Idealization\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>ideals<\/u><\/b><\/a>. They may ignore their partner&#8217;s weaknesses while being <b>hard on themselves<\/b>. Unconsciously, they might be drawn to a partner who allows them to assume the very <b>role<\/b> they have known since childhood: a partner who loves them for their emotional expressiveness, self-sacrifice, and the suppression of their own needs. This partner welcomes the empath&#8217;s <b>safety-mediating defenses<\/b>: kindness over anger (<b><u>reaction formation<\/u><\/b>), self-reproach instead of criticism (<b><u>turning against the self<\/u><\/b>, aggression reversal).\n\nUnconsciously, the empath can attract someone who <b>confirms<\/b> their <b>self-rejection<\/b>. This partner may reject the parts of the empath that they <b>themselves<\/b> reject: anger, (healthy) self-centeredness, and resentment. Through the empath&#8217;s self-rejection and self-sacrifice in pursuit of their ideal, they may attract a person who desires exactly this from their partner. The empath feels secure when their partner holds an idealized view of the relationship. However, the foundation of such a relationship is not rooted in authenticity and real feelings, but rather in a <b>constructed ideal<\/b>.\n\nThe empath carries a profound longing for all-encompassing love, validation, and acceptance\u2014especially concerning their own being. They often spend a lifetime searching for themselves, seeking orientation and support. A person&#8217;s <b>dominance<\/b> and apparent <b>self-assurance<\/b>, along with the prospect of a <b>common<\/b>, directional <b>orientation<\/b> through a <b>shared ideal<\/b>, can magnetically attract them, masking their own <b>insecurities<\/b> (see developmental delay). They may tend to lose themselves in a common ideal, blocking out their <b>non-integrated parts<\/b> and unresolved <b>developmental tasks<\/b>.\n\nI dare to take it a step further: I believe that the empath harbors a <b>small, angry narcissist<\/b> within, whose rage is not expressed outwardly but directed <b>inward<\/b> due to their existing ideal. Because the empath has not integrated this part, they feel <b>incomplete<\/b>. When they recognize their rejected parts in others (e.g., in a narcissistic person), they can experience an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/10-points-on-empaths-challenges-self-care\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>unbelievable longing<\/u><\/b><\/a>, coupled with the hope that this self-assured person could provide what they do not allow themselves to have: acknowledgment, acceptance, and effort. Yet again, it becomes a detour, an &#8220;over-band play&#8221; (see video above).\n\nEssentially, the empath longs for themselves. They seek to reclaim their <b>lost, split-off part<\/b> and to live healthily. They admire those who express what they themselves fear to embrace. Through <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Identification_(psychology)\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>identification<\/u><\/b><\/a>, they attempt to <b>assimilate<\/b> the <b>missing parts<\/b> through external means instead of developing them <b>from within<\/b> and integrating them. Figuratively speaking, the empath carries a <b>small, detached narcissist<\/b> whom they <b>reject<\/b> within their system. They search for the feeling, security, and integrity this part could provide\u2014often throughout their lives\u2014externally.\n\nThe empath feels a sense of familiarity when someone shares the same wound with them (self-worth). They often exhibit deep compassion and understanding for their counterpart\u2014but less so for themselves (external orientation). The narcissistic individual is highly receptive to the <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Idealization\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b>idealizing light<\/b><\/a> cast by the empath through their love ideal. Through <b>emotional-energetic symbiosis<\/b>, the empath can experience their partner\u2019s exuberant positivity by mirroring behaviors (renouncing needs, suppressing anger and criticism) as if it were their own. This provides a sense of validation and security in their (still fragmented) existence: this is how it should be!\n\nThe empath knows there is a constant inner cry for love burning within them. They, too, have never truly felt accepted, loved, or whole. This inner wound is a lifelong companion. The empathic paradox lies in the fact that the empath desires something they <b>prevent<\/b> (within themselves) through their ideal and mechanisms. They long to be loved unconditionally, yet tightly lock away their repressed, directional anger and (necessary!) self-centered impulses. How can they be loved comprehensively when they are not fully present?\n\nThey miss being entirely involved, setting healthy boundaries, and letting go of what no longer serves them. They live in an idealized world where childish mechanisms and beliefs continue to operate. In their box, a <b>defiant child<\/b> rages and weeps, punished and rejected instead of being integrated <b>healthily<\/b>. This unloved child, abandoned in anger and self-centeredness, echoes the voice of anger they have learned to ignore all their lives. Within this box lies their own little, angry, very hurt narcissist, persistently crying out to finally be loved, understood, and integrated, assisting the empath with directional and healing impulses.\n\nThat is why I always emphasize that the <b>scathing accusations<\/b> from an (ex-)partner and the <b>generalized demonization<\/b> are utterly destructive. <b>EVERYTHING<\/b> resides in <b>EVERY<\/b> one of us! Such accusations and condemnations <b>affect you<\/b>; they amplify your inner division!\n\nSee also <strong>my approach<\/strong> to guidance in the area of toxic relationships:\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c7bcce9 elementor-align-center elementor-widget elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"c7bcce9\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-button-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-button elementor-button-link elementor-size-sm\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/special-case-toxic-relationship\/\" target=\"_blank\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-19619be elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"19619be\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">The empathic person has access <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\"><b><u>their inner box<\/u><\/b><\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> as well. They can find the way when they stop rejecting that voice and their feelings. When they begin to integrate the part that is encapsulated within them, they can also change their external reality.<\/span><\/p><p>When the <b>small, inner narcissist<\/b> is healthily integrated, they no longer need to seek this part outside themselves. They would not feel attracted or allow such influences in because they could then set <b>healthy boundaries<\/b> and let go, assisted by this integration. With <b>intuition<\/b> complemented by anger, they could assess their interests and determine whether the other person is truly capable of loving them.<\/p><p>The first step on the path to love may first be accomplished <b>inwardly<\/b> for the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/10-points-on-empaths-challenges-self-care\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>empathically sensitive person<\/u><\/b><\/a>.<\/p><p>Exactly for this, I wish you a <b>clear, powerful decision<\/b>, confidence, trust, and the courage to take the first steps\u2014towards yourself.<\/p><p>All love,<br \/>Your Kristina<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-5de4e50 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"5de4e50\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;,&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-16efa1f\" data-id=\"16efa1f\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-abff01c elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"abff01c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Invitation<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1c93cf4 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"1c93cf4\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re considering being accompanied through the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/mirror-process-inner-universe\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>mirror process of inner work<\/strong><\/span><\/a>, you can book a <a href=\"https:\/\/psysoulogy.youcanbook.me\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>free preliminary talk in my booking calendar<\/u><\/b><\/a> at the top right of this page or below this entry.\n\n<span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">The <\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">model assumptions<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\"> are based on years of professional<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">observation<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, personal<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">experience<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, and knowledge from<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">psychoanalysis, psychodynamics, and developmental psychology<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">. For more information, please refer to the<\/span> <a style=\"text-decoration-line: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/copyright\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">Copyright<\/span><\/a><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\"> notice. The articles, including assumptions and hypotheses, may be<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">shared freely<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, but please always provide<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">attribution\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">(my name and the website).<\/span>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Overview Introduction Empathic or highly sensitive individuals often demonstrate an extraordinary ability to empathize, showing deep understanding and warmth toward those around them. Their &#8220;antennas&#8221; are highly attuned, picking up on the most subtle details across all levels of interaction. They may sense energies and have frequent access to deeper, non-visible dimensions of experience. This [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12407,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_glsr_average":0,"_glsr_ranking":0,"_glsr_reviews":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[857],"tags":[898,944,1008,1030,1020,1029,1023,940,1024,1026,1028,1010,1025,859,1027],"class_list":["post-12839","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-toxic-relationships","tag-borderline-en","tag-boundaries","tag-codependency","tag-compassion-fatigue","tag-emotional-dependency","tag-emotional-resilience","tag-empathic-wound","tag-ghosting-en","tag-healing-relationships","tag-high-sensitivity","tag-self-acceptance","tag-self-care-strategies","tag-sensitivity-in-relationships","tag-setting-boundaries","tag-unconditional-love"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12839","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12839"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12839\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12407"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12839"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12839"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12839"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}