{"id":12801,"date":"2020-10-13T14:01:55","date_gmt":"2020-10-13T12:01:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/co-narcissism-recognizing-survival-struggle-getting-out-of-the-drama\/"},"modified":"2024-10-31T15:24:43","modified_gmt":"2024-10-31T14:24:43","slug":"survival-mode-trauma-co-narcissism-heal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/survival-mode-trauma-co-narcissism-heal\/","title":{"rendered":"Survival Mode | Trauma, Co-Narcissism &amp; Healing"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"12801\" class=\"elementor elementor-12801 elementor-3723\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-e97ef79 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"e97ef79\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-7a30fba5\" data-id=\"7a30fba5\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-993998e elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"993998e\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-d346a03\" data-id=\"d346a03\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-dc0892d elementor-toc--minimized-on-tablet elementor-widget elementor-widget-table-of-contents\" data-id=\"dc0892d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;headings_by_tags&quot;:[&quot;h3&quot;],&quot;exclude_headings_by_selector&quot;:[],&quot;no_headings_message&quot;:&quot;No headings were found on this page.&quot;,&quot;marker_view&quot;:&quot;numbers&quot;,&quot;minimize_box&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;,&quot;minimized_on&quot;:&quot;tablet&quot;,&quot;hierarchical_view&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;,&quot;min_height&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;min_height_tablet&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;min_height_mobile&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]}}\" data-widget_type=\"table-of-contents.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__header\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<h4 class=\"elementor-toc__header-title\">\n\t\t\t\tOverview\t\t\t<\/h4>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__toggle-button elementor-toc__toggle-button--expand\" role=\"button\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-controls=\"elementor-toc__dc0892d\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-label=\"Open table of contents\"><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-chevron-down\"><\/i><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__toggle-button elementor-toc__toggle-button--collapse\" role=\"button\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-controls=\"elementor-toc__dc0892d\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-label=\"Close table of contents\"><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-chevron-up\"><\/i><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div id=\"elementor-toc__dc0892d\" class=\"elementor-toc__body\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__spinner-container\">\n\t\t\t\t<i class=\"elementor-toc__spinner eicon-animation-spin eicon-loading\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><\/i>\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3be70bf elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"3be70bf\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Understanding<\/b> Survival Modes | <b>Impacts<\/b> on Psychology and Relationships<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4f183d41 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"4f183d41\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p style=\"color: black;\">We all have them: Emergency programs due to survial modes. These are deep-seated physiological and psychological responses anchored in one of the oldest areas of our brain: the <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Brainstem\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><u>brainstem<\/u><\/a><\/strong>. <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Fight-or-flight_response\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><u>Fight, flight, or freeze responses<\/u><\/a><\/strong> occur automatically when we perceive a threat. Whether the threat is real or perceived makes no difference because our system responds subjectively. Through individual learning experiences, certain triggers activate these emergency responses. In <strong><u><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Behavior_therapy\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">behavioral therapy<\/a><\/u><\/strong>, for instance, one can identify such triggers using techniques like <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Functional_analysis_(psychology)\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><u>behavioral analysis<\/u><\/strong><\/a>.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">When in <strong>emergency mode<\/strong>, our physiological state shifts (e.g., increased heart rate, muscle tension). Our <b>perception<\/b> changes as well, especially concerning <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/news.rub.de\/press-information\/science\/2023-01-25-neuroscience-stress-impairs-spatial-perception#:~:text=They%20were%20able%20to%20show%20that%20stress%20weakens%20spatial%20perception\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><u>spatial awareness<\/u><\/a><\/strong>. Potentially threatening stimuli are processed more quickly, and our thinking becomes more focused and often negatively skewed. We think, feel, and react differently than we would in a calm state.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">In this <strong>emergency state<\/strong>, our interactions change, too. This article explores how <strong>awareness of emergency mode<\/strong> is essential for a deeper understanding of ourselves. In our relationships, <strong>not understanding<\/strong> these emergency responses can lead to conflict and misinterpretation. In\u00a0<strong><u><a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/toxic-empathic-narcissistic-relationships\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">toxic dynamics<\/a><\/u><\/strong>, repeated cycles of escalation and survival responses create a dead-end of misunderstanding and tension. This lack of awareness can lead to <u>recurrent drama, misunderstandings, and entanglements<\/u> in cycles of accusation and self-blame.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">These <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=OLrbymgHOko\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><u><strong>drama cycles<\/strong><\/u><\/a> hold us back from detaching from external issues and prevent us from gaining the self-awareness needed for internal growth and true independence.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">The articles here follow a <strong>Self-Empowerment Approach<\/strong>. The focus is on distinguishing\u00a0<u>what you can truly change<\/u> and <u>what is beyond your control<\/u>. It\u2019s about knowing what is yours and what isn\u2019t.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\"><strong>What this approach is not about:<\/strong> taking responsibility for another person\u2019s actions, attempting to justify or blame yourself or others. Instead, it\u2019s about focusing on yourself and taking responsibility where it serves you best. Allow others to take responsibility for their own actions.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">This does not mean denying your experiences. Rather, it involves acknowledging what you have felt and experienced. It\u2019s about feeling your pain, understanding it, and becoming familiar with it. This leads to a deeper self-understanding and acceptance.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">Feelings like <strong>anger, sadness<\/strong>, and <strong>pain<\/strong> are challenging, yet all emotions have their place. They provide access to deeper layers of our being. By listening to the message of our emotions, we can use them as guides. Self-empowerment involves developing <strong>awareness<\/strong> and <strong>self-reflection<\/strong>, allowing us to choose our perspective consciously.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">In situations of <strong>rejection<\/strong> or perceived hurt, we often adopt patterns that hinder growth. This article aims to clarify this complex misconception: when we cling to blame\u2014either self-directed or directed at others\u2014self-empowerment and growth become difficult, if not impossible.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">Solutions, understanding, and healing are found <b><u>within<\/u><\/b>. It\u00b4s the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/mirror-process-inner-universe\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>inner universe<\/strong><\/span><\/a>\u00a0from which everything significant to you emerges. With this article, I invite you to reflect on a topic that affects us all.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f3b1744 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"f3b1744\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">The <b>Survival Instinct<\/b> | How <b>Rejection<\/b> Triggers Fear &amp; Stress<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c6151c8 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"c6151c8\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p style=\"color: black;\">I don&#8217;t know a single person who handles <strong>rejection<\/strong> well. This isn\u2019t a coincidence. In earlier times, <strong>belonging to a tribe<\/strong>\u2014being part of a community\u2014was <strong>vital for survival<\/strong>. This isn\u2019t a baseless assumption; it has been scientifically verified multiple times. <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Social_exclusion\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong><u>This Wikipedia article<\/u><\/strong><\/a> illustrates how social exclusion places immense stress on us humans.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\"><strong>Protection within a tribe<\/strong> once meant <strong>the difference between life and death<\/strong> for our ancestors. Being <strong>expelled<\/strong> or <strong>banished<\/strong>\u2014in other words, <strong>rejected<\/strong>\u2014posed a serious threat to survival. Exile meant no access to food, no shelter, and no protection from wild animals or the cold. Survival depended on cooperation within the group.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">In ancient times, <strong>rejection<\/strong> signified an <strong>imminent threat to life<\/strong>. <strong>Exclusion<\/strong> from the tribe (essentially, <strong>rejection<\/strong>) triggered a profound <strong>fear of death<\/strong>. Even in modern times, we carry this survival mechanism within us. It\u2019s no surprise, then, that the <strong>fear of rejection<\/strong> can feel as intense as <strong>mortal fear<\/strong>. Although we often keep it well-hidden today, it remains <strong>deeply rooted in<\/strong> all of us. We should allow ourselves some <strong>understanding<\/strong> for this part of our nature. Truly, <strong>no one wants<\/strong> to feel <strong>rejected<\/strong>!<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">This fear unites us all. Whether it\u2019s an <strong>actual rejection<\/strong> or simply a subjectively <strong>feared rejection<\/strong>, the feeling is the same. What each person perceives as a potential exclusion from their community (= rejection) is deeply personal. This perception is often shaped by their <strong>personal history<\/strong> and <strong>cultural background<\/strong>. <strong>Fear of rejection<\/strong> often emerges when we risk breaking established <strong>rules<\/strong>\u2014whether they are <strong>learned rules<\/strong> or <strong>constructed beliefs<\/strong> stemming from personal experience. For instance, <i>\u201cIf I speak up now, there might be trouble,\u201d<\/i> possibly linked to earlier fears of family rejection or similar.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">We tend to follow many of these <strong>rules<\/strong> <strong>unconsciously<\/strong>. Just like <strong>hidden beliefs<\/strong>, they operate automatically in our minds, influencing our actions every day.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-01c2538 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"01c2538\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-4c91f35\" data-id=\"4c91f35\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-492f37f elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"492f37f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">How <b>Individual<\/b> Experiences <b>Shape<\/b> Survival Mode Responses<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e90e996 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"e90e996\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p style=\"color: black;\">Depending on what we\u2019ve <strong>learned<\/strong> and experienced, each of us has encountered <strong>rejection<\/strong> many times in our lives. In these moments, we&#8217;ve often felt a kind of <strong>survival fear<\/strong>. Such experiences have left lasting <strong>triggers<\/strong> or <strong>key stimuli<\/strong> embedded in our minds. If we encounter a similar stimulus today, our bodies may shift into an <strong>emergency response mode<\/strong>.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">These triggers can take various forms\u2014a <strong>specific topic<\/strong> (e.g., a conversation about narcissism), a <strong>certain type of person<\/strong> (like a man with a full beard that reminds one of their father), a <strong>particular situation<\/strong> (such as being stood up or running late), a <strong>social dynamic<\/strong> (being the only person in a group who isn&#8217;t consulted), or even a <strong>specific smell<\/strong> (like cooked Brussels sprouts, if they were often present during difficult times).<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">This article focuses on how the <strong>fear of rejection<\/strong> can activate these automatic responses. We also know from research on <strong>post-traumatic stress disorder<\/strong> that specific <strong>trauma-related triggers<\/strong> can spark such reactions. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nimh.nih.gov\/health\/topics\/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong><u>Read more about PTSD research here<\/u><\/strong><\/a>. In fact, <strong>avoiding<\/strong> situations that evoke these triggers can worsen symptoms. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nimh.nih.gov\/health\/topics\/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong><u>Learn more here &gt;&gt;&gt;<\/u><\/strong><\/a><\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">People develop individual <strong>strategies<\/strong> for coping with this <strong>survival mode<\/strong> triggered by a <strong>fear of rejection<\/strong>. They use these strategies to either prevent or address the perceived threat of rejection, which may feel like a direct threat to their emotional and psychological survival.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">In this intense fear, our <strong>survival modes<\/strong>\u00a0kicks in. The <strong>survival instinct<\/strong> takes over. Some people avoid confrontation altogether, modifying their behavior to prevent any situation that might lead to rejection. They may set aside their own needs to appease others, sometimes to the point of losing touch with their own desires. For them, it&#8217;s all about staying safe from perceived threats of rejection.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">Others adopt a more <strong>assertive<\/strong> approach, showing up with a strong presence, even displaying dominance to deter anyone from attempting to push them aside. They make themselves <strong>indispensable<\/strong>, believing that intimidation or authority might reduce the likelihood of being left out or rejected.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">These examples illustrate different types of <strong>automatic, learned strategies<\/strong>:<\/p><ul style=\"color: black;\"><li><strong>Preventive strategies:<\/strong> These aim to avoid situations that might lead to rejection, minimizing risks before they occur.<\/li><li><strong>Acute strategies:<\/strong> These are activated to handle and reduce anxiety in the moment once it arises.<\/li><\/ul><p style=\"color: black;\">In survival mode, our focus narrows, and our body prepares for <strong>fight-or-flight<\/strong>. We operate with <strong>tunnel vision<\/strong>, and our ability to empathize decreases. To outsiders, these behaviors may seem <strong>irrational<\/strong> or <strong>incomprehensible<\/strong>, but when we\u2019re in survival mode, we aren\u2019t processing things like we usually would. It\u2019s a primal reaction, akin to how animals respond when they feel threatened\u2014they <strong>fight, freeze, or flee<\/strong>.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">This concept of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/basics\/stress\/fight-or-flight-response\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong><u>fight or flight<\/u><\/strong><\/a> is widely recognized and scientifically supported as a natural response to stress and fear. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/basics\/stress\/fight-or-flight-response\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong><u>Read more here &gt;&gt;&gt;<\/u><\/strong><\/a><\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">In this heightened state, we lose our capacity to respond <strong>empathetically<\/strong> to others. Yet, it\u2019s crucial to understand that this <strong>deep-rooted survival mechanism<\/strong> is present in all of us.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-53817ff elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"53817ff\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Understanding Survival Mode <b>Triggers<\/b> &amp; Their <b>Impact<\/b> on <b>Communication<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-ce7d5ea elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"ce7d5ea\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p style=\"color: black;\">We\u2019re often unaware of it!<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">When <strong>two people are unconsciously triggered<\/strong> into <strong>emergency mode<\/strong>, clear communication becomes nearly impossible, and escalation is likely. In survival mode, we feel compelled to find a way to stop the perceived threat. Our first reaction is usually to <strong>remove the trigger<\/strong> to reduce the fear.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">This can feel like someone has pressed a <strong>\u201cbutton\u201d<\/strong> inside us. In the haze of our fear, we may mistakenly believe this person is <strong>responsible for our fear response<\/strong>, and thus, the \u201cthreat\u201d itself. We buy into the illusion that if they change, the fear will stop.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">In reality, the other person may have simply touched a <strong>sensitive trigger point<\/strong> through their behavior, activating an <strong>emergency program<\/strong> within us. This triggers a <strong>deep-rooted fear<\/strong>\u2014often experienced as an overwhelming feeling of vulnerability (whether we\u2019re aware of it or not).<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">The actual source of this fear usually lies within the <strong>deeper parts of ourselves<\/strong>.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-fec9dc6 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"fec9dc6\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">The <b>Cycle<\/b> of Survival Modes | Recognizing <b>Triggers<\/b> &amp; <b>Setting Boundaries<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b1ac582 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"b1ac582\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"color: black;\">This does not mean we have to endure harmful situations, accept violations of our boundaries, or tolerate any form of aggression (our boundaries are up to us to set!). We absolutely can\u2014and must\u2014<strong>draw<\/strong> clear <strong>boundaries<\/strong> when necessary. It\u2019s essential to <b>communicate<\/b> when we\u2019ve reached our limit (and this is <strong>not<\/strong> our emergency response talking!). It\u2019s about <strong>self-reflection<\/strong>: recognizing when our own <strong>emergency response<\/strong> is activated and understanding the beliefs, rules, or conditioning behind it.<\/span><\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">Escalation happens when we\u2019re unaware of these triggers. In times of <strong>inner chaos or fear<\/strong>, we may not recognize that we\u2019ve entered survival mode and start <strong>blaming<\/strong> the other person for our own <strong>fear<\/strong>. But fear always begins <strong>within us<\/strong>.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">If we don\u2019t see this, we may act out defensively. This response has an immediate energetic impact: it can trigger the <strong>other person\u2019s survival mode<\/strong>\u00a0and their own <strong>fight starts<\/strong>.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">So, we end up with <strong>two people in survival mode<\/strong>, each holding the <strong>other<\/strong> accountable for their emotional state. In this state, no true agreement is possible, and escalation becomes almost inevitable. Each person may try to remove the \u201ccause\u201d of their fear by changing or attacking the other, which only heightens the <strong>sense of threat<\/strong>, creating a cycle.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">This is where <strong>conscious awareness<\/strong> becomes crucial. By learning to <strong>observe<\/strong> ourselves, to understand our own responses, we can develop greater <strong>insight<\/strong> into the dynamics at play within us and in our relationships. This marks the <strong>beginning of real change<\/strong>, <strong>growth<\/strong>, and <strong>healing<\/strong> (becoming whole within).<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-6776fc2 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"6776fc2\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-23f39b3\" data-id=\"23f39b3\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-fe6bed7 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"fe6bed7\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Understanding <b>Individual<\/b> Reactions | The <b>Impact<\/b> of Survival Modes on Behavior &amp; Perception<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-225fdc6 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"225fdc6\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat, sans-serif;\">We all carry it within us \u2014 the <b>instinct to avoid rejection<\/b>. When we experience actual or perceived rejection, our minds may turn inward, becoming self-focused as we brace against it. This reaction feels like <b>survival<\/b> itself.<\/span><\/span><\/p><p align=\"left\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat, sans-serif;\"> Even if the rejection isn&#8217;t genuine or apparent, any stimulus can trigger a<b> &#8220;threat&#8221; response<\/b> for someone. They might instinctively slip into <b>&#8220;emergency mode&#8221;<\/b> \u2014 reacting by <u>lashing out, withdrawing, or freezing<\/u>. In these interactions, each person may view the other as a &#8220;threat&#8221; to their own sense of stability. When this mode activates, it creates an opening for <b><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Psychological_projection\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">projections<\/a><\/b>. Internalized threats can project outward, influencing <u>how we view others<\/u>.<br \/><\/span><\/span><\/p><p align=\"left\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat, sans-serif;\"> When we are <u>unconsciously in emergency mode<\/u>, our thoughts, feelings, and actions <u>align with the emergency program&#8217;s focus<\/u>, primarily on <b>perceived threats<\/b>. Our mind relies on <u>past experiences<\/u> to assess danger, often projecting old fears onto the present moment. This isn&#8217;t a flaw \u2014 it&#8217;s a protective mechanism.<\/span><\/span><\/p><p align=\"left\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat, sans-serif;\"> With <b><u>increased self-awareness<\/u><\/b>, we can begin to recognize when a survival struggle is starting within ourselves or others. Recognizing this struggle in another person means understanding that it is their reaction, not ours. Attempting to reassure someone in survival mode often feels like another threat to them. Imagine trying to convince a drowning person that they aren\u2019t in danger while standing on shore \u2014 it wouldn\u2019t resonate.<\/span><\/span><\/p><p align=\"left\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat, sans-serif;\"> Clarification can only occur <u>if both parties<\/u> approach with<b> openness<\/b> and an <b>awareness<\/b> of their <b>own triggers<\/b> and <b>automatic responses<\/b>. If this isn\u2019t possible, it\u2019s important to <u>respectfully leave the issue<\/u> with the other person and <b>distance oneself<\/b> in an understanding, yet firm way.<br \/><\/span><\/span><\/p><p align=\"left\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat, sans-serif;\">Each person\u2019s <b>survival triggers are individual<\/b> and shaped by their unique experiences. One may feel rejected due to their <u>emotional expression<\/u>, another from <u>unmeetable expectations<\/u>, and yet another from <u>feeling unnoticed<\/u>. These reactions can manifest in ways such as <u>hiding emotions, constantly seeking approval, or avoiding visibility<\/u>. Each response, however complex, serves as a way <b>to reduce the risk of perceived rejection<\/b>.<br \/><\/span><br \/><\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-ff6e33a elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"ff6e33a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Navigating<\/b> Survival Modes | Understanding <b>Narcissistic &amp; Co-Narcissistic<\/b> Dynamics<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4338fed elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"4338fed\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat, sans-serif;\">A person referred to as\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/causes-consequence-narcissis-narcissistic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>&#8220;narcissistic&#8221;<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0may prioritize protecting their <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">self-image<\/span> at all costs. This often involves <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">avoiding responsibility<\/span> and maintaining <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">control<\/span> due to underlying fears of rejection or abandonment. Such individuals navigate their surroundings using specific, egocentric strategies that reflect a state of emergency.<\/span><\/span><\/p><p>On the other hand, a\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/high-sensitivity-and-the-empathic-wound-between-unconditional-love-and-dependence\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>&#8220;co-narcissistic&#8221;<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0counterpart often face their <b>idealized self-image<\/b>, including taboos and prohibitions. Driven by the <b>fear of rejection<\/b>, they may <u>not allow themselves to get angry<\/u> (since they don\u00b4t want to be &#8220;bad&#8221;). They often miss out to draw <b>necessary boundaries<\/b>, and are willing to take on (others\u00b4) responsibilites.<\/p><p>Both parties share the same goal: to<b> avoid rejection<\/b> and <b>prevent the fear of abandonment<\/b>. However, the underlying issues and strategies associated with their fear of rejection can differ significantly.<\/p><p>As discussed in the\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narciss-attract-8-core-conflict\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>series of articles on empathic\/narcissistic attraction<\/u><\/span><\/a>, both parties share a common thread \u2014 the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">fear of rejection<\/span>. Their approaches and coping mechanisms may vary.<\/p><p>A more <u>narcissistic person<\/u> might <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">never fully engage<\/span> because they are <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">afraid of responsibility<\/span> and rejection. They may keep options open, manipulate facts, applies ghosting, or maintain distance. It\u00b4s more likely that they will\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=jxK29K2pmrM\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>manipulate<\/u>, externalize<\/span><\/a>\u00a0their feelings and threat their counterpart to move on if things don&#8217;t align with their self-image. This response often arises when they\u00b4re asked to take responsibility for their contribution in a relationship, since it\u00b4s activating their <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">survival mechanism<\/span>\u00a0(see also\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/causes-consequence-narcissis-narcissistic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><u>article on the narcissistic wound<\/u><\/a><\/span>).<\/p><p>Conversely, the co-narcissistic individual in survival mode may <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">over-extend<\/span> themselves, taking on excessive responsibility and becoming deeply involved. This loyalty can sometimes lead them to <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">fight<\/span> for their relationship at all costs, potentially sacrificing their own values and clarity. This behavior also reflects an unconscious state of emergency (cf.\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/high-sensitivity-and-the-empathic-wound-between-unconditional-love-and-dependence\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>article on the empathic wound<\/u><\/b><\/a>).<\/p><p>While both aim to <u>reduce their fear of rejection<\/u>, loss, and abandonment, the <b>strategies<\/b> they employ in these survival modes can differ greatly. You can dive deeper into that topic with <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narciss-attract-8-core-conflict\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><u>a series of articles<\/u><\/a><\/span> about the underlying <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narciss-attract-8-core-conflict\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>mechanisms of narcissistic\/co-narcissistic attraction<\/u><\/span><\/a>.<\/p><p>Let\u00b4s hop back&#8230;<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-6b2abbd elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"6b2abbd\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Understanding <b>Misconceptions <\/b>| <b>Long-Term Impact<\/b> of Survival Mode in Toxic Relationships<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-78a5a74 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"78a5a74\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>In and after <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">toxic relationships<\/span>, many seek change, evolution, and release from suffering and pain, as well as this <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">inner chaos<\/span>. Such relationships often trigger <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">mutual fears of rejection<\/span>, which can lead to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/books\/NBK390015\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>chronic stress<\/u><\/span><\/a> over time.<\/p><p>The <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">emergency response<\/span> is not a brief or one-time event but becomes <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">permanent<\/span>. Meanwhile, affected ones may remain <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">unaware<\/span> of the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">ongoing struggle for survival<\/span> taking place within them. From my perspective, this is one reason why <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">toxic relationships<\/span> can lead to <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">physical symptoms<\/span> and illnesses over time.<\/p><p><b>Here you can find<\/b> a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/books\/NBK390015\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>very insightful and detailed article on chronic stress<\/u><\/span><\/a>.<\/p><p>When we unconsciously find ourselves in this <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">ongoing survival mode<\/span>, tension &amp; pain become unbearable at some point. The <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">emotions triggered<\/span> by the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">distress response<\/span> (for example, feeling small, exposed, or insecure) and beliefs (such as <i>&#8220;I must not express my truth&#8221;<\/i> or <i>&#8220;I must conform, or else&#8230;&#8221;<\/i>) have turned into <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">constant<\/span> or recurring companions. This happens unnoticed and insidiously. The <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">permanent emergency response<\/span> has become the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">new normal<\/span>.<\/p><p>Moreover, the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">fear of rejection<\/span> remains equally unconscious to us. In the haze of <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">fear of rejection<\/span> and <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">old triggered feelings<\/span>, <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">inner beliefs<\/span> and <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">assumptions<\/span> emerge. They <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">intertwine<\/span> with <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">current events<\/span> and <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">projections<\/span> taking place. These two aspects can <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">mix<\/span>\u2014a phenomenon that is often, if not always, the case. Consequently, we experience a lack of <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">clarity<\/span> and <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">grounding<\/span> within ourselves.<\/p><p>At some point, we simply want <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">it<\/span> to stop. However, this <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">\u201cit\u201d<\/span> consists of multiple components. Our <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">lack of awareness<\/span> regarding this situation leads us astray.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-aefa5d1 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"aefa5d1\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Ineffective<\/b> Strategies to <b>End Survival Mode <\/b>| Misguided Approaches &amp; Their Impact<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-b3aeb45 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"b3aeb45\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-background-overlay\"><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-99907c8\" data-id=\"99907c8\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b5f84f3 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"b5f84f3\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><strong>1. Trying to\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">cease the activation of our survival mode by\u00a0<\/span>deactivating the<\/strong> <strong>other one\u00b4s <\/strong>(because it triggers ours<\/p><p><strong>2. Trying to &#8220;rescue&#8221; the other<\/strong>\u00a0out of survival mode by <u>continuously<\/u> explaining, that we\u00b4re not a threat to them<\/p><p><strong>3. Ignoring<\/strong> our own <strong>survival mechanism<\/strong> and <strong>people-pleasing<\/strong>. This leads us to not acknowledging, what\u00b4s going on on our side.\u00a0Thus, we <strong>dismiss<\/strong> a part of our own experience.<\/p><p><strong>4. Blaming ourselves<\/strong>\u00a0for the <strong>other<\/strong> being in their survival mechanism (because that is what they believe or want us to believe). In other words, we <strong>identify with<\/strong> the <strong>projections<\/strong> related to the survival mechanism of the Other.<\/p><p><b>5. <\/b>Our behavior is focused on <strong>preventing the Other from entering survival mode<\/strong> (taking responsibility for the Other) &#8211; often at the expense of our own truth.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-93d4ee5 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"93d4ee5\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>These attempts to solve the issue are based on\u00a0<strong>misconceptions<\/strong>. They only lead to more <strong>confusion, suffering<\/strong>, and <strong>self-alienation<\/strong>.<\/p><p>When two individuals are engaged in their <strong>struggle for survival<\/strong>, they also serve as each other&#8217;s <strong>projection screens<\/strong> reflecting their own <strong>survival mechanisms<\/strong>. This applies to <u>both parties<\/u>. This can only lead to\u00a0<strong>endless arguments<\/strong> about who is <strong>right<\/strong>, who is behaving appropriately, and who is acting <strong>inappropriately<\/strong>. Such a\u00a0<strong>fight<\/strong> against each other goes in circles and mostly stucks on trivial things. Both are trapped in their own survival mechanisms. In such moments, <strong>empathy<\/strong> for the other becomes nearly impossible.<\/p><p>Empathy does <strong>not<\/strong> imply that the other person is <strong>right<\/strong> or that we must <strong>&#8220;go along&#8221;<\/strong> with their opinion. Instead, empathy means\u00a0<strong>awareness<\/strong> of what is happening. Like: <i>&#8220;He\/she is entering a survival mode. I will give him\/her space until a conversation is possible again.&#8221;<\/i> Or, regarding oneself: <i>&#8220;This situation is affecting me right now; something is being triggered in me &#8211; I need a moment to process this.&#8221;<\/i><\/p><p>The <strong>central question<\/strong> at this juncture is, <i>&#8220;Can we manage to <strong>remain<\/strong> present with <u>ourselves<\/u>?&#8221;<\/i> This means recognizing a\u00a0<strong>survival mode of another<\/strong> as what it is: a struggle we may have triggered, but may has very little to do with us. <br \/>Conversely, we should also <strong>recognize our own survival mechanism<\/strong> kicking in and see the other person merely as a <strong>trigger<\/strong>. This is not always easy and a <u>process of continuous learning<\/u>.<\/p><p>In such situations, it is essential to maintain <strong>understanding<\/strong> for both our own survival mode and that of the <strong>Other<\/strong>, including the associated\u00a0process within. We must also keep\u00a0<strong>clear stance<\/strong> and maintain\u00a0<strong>wise distance<\/strong> if another claims a survival mechanism as <strong>reality<\/strong>, especially if they try to involve us into specific roles already set. We should remain alert as we recognize ourselves slipping into a role.<\/p><p>An auto-generated subtitled version of my <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=OLrbymgHOko\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>video on the Drama Triangle<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0(german) may be helpful.<\/p><p>It is very important not to lose sight of <strong>your own perspective<\/strong>. Working with an individual&#8217;s <strong>survival mechanism<\/strong> is a very <strong>intimate<\/strong> and <strong>self-responsible<\/strong> process. Stay aware, of maintaining boundaries! This means we must <strong>allow<\/strong> the other person to <strong>be<\/strong> as they are. We can only decide how we want to <strong>respond<\/strong> to such situations. What our counterpart can perceive or recognize is entirely up to them.<\/p><p>If we are invited, we must <strong>consciously<\/strong> decide if this is really helpful. Do we want to engage in this dynamic?\u00a0<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8a8aff9 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"8a8aff9\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>7 Effective Strategies<\/b> to handle Survival Mode (in Toxic Relationships)<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b73bc94 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"b73bc94\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>In and after <strong>toxic relationships<\/strong>, we seek answers and reasons for our difficulties. However, in the moment of <strong>survival mode<\/strong>, we are unable to see <strong>clearly<\/strong>. We cannot solve a crossword puzzle while running from a tiger. Clarity is absent when it comes to finding appropriate answers.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-inner-section elementor-element elementor-element-5b9242b elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"5b9242b\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-inner-column elementor-element elementor-element-cb2f70a\" data-id=\"cb2f70a\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-74934dc elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"74934dc\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>1. Learn to <strong>recognize<\/strong> your own <b><u>survival program<\/u><\/b>\u2014when it activates and what triggers it. Accept that everyone has one.<\/p><p>2. Take <strong>time<\/strong> for yourself while in survival mode. Get to know it and, in turn, <strong>yourself<\/strong> (<i>&#8220;This is part of me!&#8221;<\/i> &#8211; A significant portion of the emotional charge dissipates when we acknowledge we are experiencing it).<\/p><p>3. Learn to <strong>regulate<\/strong> the <u>survival mechanism<\/u> through <u>positive withdraw<\/u>. Utilize <u>relaxation techniques, meditation, mindfulness, exercise, and training<\/u> to manage tension &amp; emotions when necessary (also release them!).<\/p><p>4. Then, in a state of increased clarity, <u>reflect<\/u> on the <strong>past situation<\/strong> and ask yourself, <i>&#8220;What stood out to me, and why?&#8221;<\/i><\/p><p>5. Continue to wonder if the <u>survival mechanism<\/u> holds a <strong>message<\/strong> for you at this point. For example, when a special person in survival mode repeatedly reacts\u00a0<strong>disregarding, disrespectful<\/strong> &amp; acts aggressive and hurtful.<\/p><p>6. Achieve <strong>clarity<\/strong> regarding this and make a <strong>powerful decision<\/strong>. This may involve asking yourself, <i>&#8220;What do I intend to do about this in the future?&#8221;<\/i><\/p><p>7. Improve your ability to <strong>understand<\/strong> where your <strong>own survival mode<\/strong> begin. Learn how to manage survival mode of others with <strong>empathy<\/strong>, and clear boundaries the same time. R<strong>emain grounded<\/strong> in yourself, without taking responsibility for their feelings.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-9c12d84 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"9c12d84\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text );\">Us humans often get caught up in <u>what <strong style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text );\">another<\/strong> does<\/u>. We ponder the reasons and motives behind their behavior. We analyze, speculate, and interpret. We seek <strong>clarity and direction<\/strong>. However, in our <strong>focus on another<\/strong>, we fail to find clarity or orientation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text );\">All we encounter is <strong>the Other<\/strong> and their unique universe, including&nbsp;<strong>programs, fears<\/strong>, and <strong>behaviors<\/strong>, also the probable&nbsp;<strong>&#8220;games&#8221;<\/strong> they may play. Sometimes we&nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 55, 56);\">unconsciously&nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text );\">engage in games to <strong>avoid facing ourselves<\/strong>.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text );\">Consciously or unconsciously, we <b><u>all<\/u><\/b>&nbsp;<strong>utilize<\/strong> (without judgment) interactions with others to feel <strong>better<\/strong>. We do this to <strong>alleviate fear<\/strong> and to feel <strong>safe<\/strong>.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text );\">Manipulation (in a neutral sense) begins when we devise <strong>strategies<\/strong> to <strong>achieve specific outcomes<\/strong>. For instance, when a monkey peels a banana, it is manipulating its environment to satisfy its hunger.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text );\">We are all influenced by <strong>our fears<\/strong>. <strong>Our minds<\/strong> shape our <strong>self-image<\/strong> and dictate our thoughts, feelings, and actions. We tend to believe in constructed narratives that capture only a small fraction of reality. This is because we cannot yet see all that is within us. We rely on such stories; they provide meaning and something to believe in, but they do not reveal the truth.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text );\">Knowing that &#8211; does it make sense to insist, that we know <u><b>the truth<\/b><\/u>?<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-f83a883 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"f83a883\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-ae97983\" data-id=\"ae97983\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-6630406 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"6630406\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Embracing <b>Self-Responsibility<\/b> in the Face of <b>Survival Mode<\/b> | A Pathway to Healing<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-86960e9 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"86960e9\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">There are individuals we describe as&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/causes-consequence-narcissis-narcissistic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b><u>narcissistic<\/u><\/b><\/span><\/span><\/a><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">. This indicates a <b>model<\/b> or concept that outlines similarities in thinking, feeling, and behavior. However, this does <u>not<\/u> capture the <b>complex nature<\/b> of individuals exhibiting such behaviors.<\/span><\/span><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">&nbsp;It also does not mean we need to approve of or condone their actions, nor do we bear&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">responsibility&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">for them and their coping mechanisms.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">We can observe how the&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>other&nbsp;<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">engages in his <\/span><\/span><strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>games<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">. We may choose to maintain&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>healthy distance&nbsp;<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">from it.<\/span><br><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">But we can also begin to recognize that&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>we engage in games ourselves<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">. We sometimes might not stay true to ourselves. Getting involves in another\u00b4s story, sometimes helps us&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>to avoid feeling something<\/b>.<\/span><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"> We might create a <\/span><\/span><strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>pseudo-harmonious situation<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">, which may not be peaceful or balanced at all. <br>Maybe we struggle with <\/span><\/span><strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>dissonance<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"> or the fear of being <\/span><\/span><strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>alone<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">. This can lead us to unconsciously&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b style=\"font-weight: bold;\">taking responsibility for another&#8217;s behavior and feelings <\/b>&#8211;<\/span><\/span><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">&nbsp;perhaps to prevent them from leaving us. Yet another game. A different one, but still a game. It distracts us from what we should truly be <\/span><\/span><strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>responsible for<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">: standing in our own perception and truth, regardless of what others might say about us.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">When we experience pain and fear, we often <b>ignore our internal struggles<\/b> and look to others as the source of our issues. This shared human experience can lead to <b>misunderstandings<\/b>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">When we&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>accuse others<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">, we deny ourselves the opportunity for growth and healing.&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>Self-reflection and the choice to explore our own inner world&nbsp;<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">are essential keys.&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">This may sound simplistic: If we have a&nbsp;<\/span><strong style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text );\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>wound&nbsp;<\/b><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">that is painful, exposed, or perhaps inflamed, applying a bandage to the&nbsp;<\/span><strong style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text );\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>other&nbsp;<\/b><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">won&#8217;t help us. It doesn&#8217;t aid us to <\/span><strong style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text );\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>appease them<\/b><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">, nor does trying to <\/span><strong style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text );\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>please them<\/b><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"> prevent further injury. It always begins with us.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">This article on survival modes is an invitation:&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>release the burden<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">.<\/span><br><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\">If you genuinely desire change, take the first step toward it. <\/span><\/span><strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><b>Let go.<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"> This will lead you to the <b>path<\/b> where you can access a new, enriched perspective and experience.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-25eb631 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"25eb631\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-cd4181e\" data-id=\"cd4181e\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-9b0b06e elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"9b0b06e\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Invitation<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3f4926d elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"3f4926d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re considering being accompanied through the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/mirror-process-inner-universe\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>mirror process of inner work<\/strong><\/span><\/a>, you can book a <a href=\"https:\/\/psysoulogy.youcanbook.me\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>free preliminary talk in my booking calendar<\/u><\/b><\/a> at the top right of this page or below this entry.\n\n<span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">The <\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">model assumptions<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\"> are based on years of professional<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">observation<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, personal<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">experience<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, and knowledge from<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">psychoanalysis, psychodynamics, and developmental psychology<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">. For more information, please refer to the<\/span> <a style=\"text-decoration-line: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/copyright\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">Copyright<\/span><\/a><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\"> notice. The articles, including assumptions and hypotheses, may be<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">shared freely<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, but please always provide<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">attribution\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">(my name and the website).<\/span>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Overview Understanding Survival Modes | Impacts on Psychology and Relationships We all have them: Emergency programs due to survial modes. These are deep-seated physiological and psychological responses anchored in one of the oldest areas of our brain: the brainstem. Fight, flight, or freeze responses occur automatically when we perceive a threat. Whether the threat is [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12435,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_glsr_average":0,"_glsr_ranking":0,"_glsr_reviews":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[857],"tags":[360,903,954,960,957,959,958,961,956,955,953],"class_list":["post-12801","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-toxic-relationships","tag-ablehnung","tag-co-narcissism","tag-emotional-well-being","tag-healing","tag-healthy-relationships","tag-inner-world-exploration","tag-personal-growth","tag-self-awareness","tag-self-reflection","tag-survival-mode","tag-trauma-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12801","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12801"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12801\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12435"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12801"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12801"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12801"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}