{"id":12798,"date":"2019-10-09T20:52:35","date_gmt":"2019-10-09T18:52:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/trauma-and-co-narcissism-understanding-and-overcoming-mechanisms\/"},"modified":"2024-10-31T19:22:27","modified_gmt":"2024-10-31T18:22:27","slug":"trauma-co-narcissism-healing-mechanisms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/trauma-co-narcissism-healing-mechanisms\/","title":{"rendered":"Trauma &amp; Co-Narcissism | Understanding &amp; healing mechanisms"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"12798\" class=\"elementor elementor-12798 elementor-3463\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-9263973 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"9263973\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-4866f64\" data-id=\"4866f64\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1244e2f elementor-toc--minimized-on-tablet elementor-widget elementor-widget-table-of-contents\" data-id=\"1244e2f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;headings_by_tags&quot;:[&quot;h3&quot;],&quot;exclude_headings_by_selector&quot;:[],&quot;marker_view&quot;:&quot;numbers&quot;,&quot;no_headings_message&quot;:&quot;No headings were found on this page.&quot;,&quot;minimize_box&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;,&quot;minimized_on&quot;:&quot;tablet&quot;,&quot;hierarchical_view&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;,&quot;min_height&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;min_height_tablet&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;min_height_mobile&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]}}\" data-widget_type=\"table-of-contents.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__header\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<h4 class=\"elementor-toc__header-title\">\n\t\t\t\tOverview\t\t\t<\/h4>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__toggle-button elementor-toc__toggle-button--expand\" role=\"button\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-controls=\"elementor-toc__1244e2f\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-label=\"Open table of contents\"><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-chevron-down\"><\/i><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__toggle-button elementor-toc__toggle-button--collapse\" role=\"button\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-controls=\"elementor-toc__1244e2f\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-label=\"Close table of contents\"><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-chevron-up\"><\/i><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div id=\"elementor-toc__1244e2f\" class=\"elementor-toc__body\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__spinner-container\">\n\t\t\t\t<i class=\"elementor-toc__spinner eicon-animation-spin eicon-loading\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><\/i>\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-befc6e1 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"befc6e1\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Early trauma<\/b> &amp; <b>toxic relationships<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-cf3125b elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"cf3125b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p style=\"color: black;\">What does <strong>early trauma<\/strong> have to do with <strong>destructive, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empath-narcissist-key-toxic-relationships\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><u>toxic relationship behaviors<\/u><\/a><\/strong>? And how can one overcome this to <strong>find new, healthy, and fulfilling relationships<\/strong>? A central aspect here is reconnecting with one\u2019s own feelings and inner self \u2013 creating a <strong>healthy relationship with oneself<\/strong>.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">Traumatic experiences, in any form, can complicate or even disrupt our <strong>relationship with ourselves<\/strong>. Many of us may carry some level of relational trauma \u2013 even if we do not strictly meet the criteria for a <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Post-traumatic_stress_disorder\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong><u>post-traumatic stress disorder<\/u><\/strong><\/a> diagnosis. This article provides a thoughtful and open exploration into the <strong>deeper layers<\/strong> of trauma, uncovering possible <strong>mechanisms<\/strong> and identifying potential <strong>starting points for healing<\/strong>.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">We all have fears, things we avoid, or wounds we&#8217;d rather not revisit. This is natural. Yet, ironically, our resistance to these experiences can keep them alive within us \u2013 a concept further explored in this article.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-74110af elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"74110af\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Subjectivity of <\/b>our <b>perception<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1591c36 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"1591c36\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\" style=\"color: black;\">When we experience something deeply painful or unsettling in our interactions with others, our <strong>mind<\/strong> often seeks explanations. We, as humans, tend to feel secure when our thoughts find grounding\u2014typically in a <strong>story<\/strong> we tell ourselves about ourselves or others. This story is built on our perceptions, stored experiences, and limited information. Our interpretations and narratives are always <strong>subjective and incomplete<\/strong>. Over time, we develop personal views about the world, life, and people, shaping even our <strong>values<\/strong> into frameworks that reflect individual perspectives and experiences.<\/p><p class=\"western\" style=\"color: black;\">Our stories and explanations are <strong>limited, subjective, and often distorted<\/strong>. But how often do we remind ourselves of this fact?<\/p><p class=\"western\" style=\"color: black;\">Our <strong>experiences<\/strong> and <strong>perceptions<\/strong> operate within a <strong>subjective framework<\/strong> that we carry, often unconsciously, from our past experiences. This concept, explored in theories of <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Constructivism_(psychological_school)\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong><u>constructivism<\/u><\/strong><\/a>, is also foundational in psychological approaches like <strong>behavioral therapy<\/strong> and <strong>psychoanalysis<\/strong>. In behavioral therapy, the concept of <strong>organismic variables<\/strong>\u2014our personal learning history\u2014shapes our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Psychoanalysis, for example, describes <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Introjection\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong><u>introjection<\/u><\/strong><\/a>, the internalization of specific experiences.<\/p><p class=\"western\" style=\"color: black;\">In this way, we internalize what we have experienced. Beliefs, conditions, and rules that have been significant to us shape our <strong>subjective reality<\/strong>, influencing our thinking, feelings, and actions.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-622eb96 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"622eb96\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-b77e92e\" data-id=\"b77e92e\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4398a0b elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"4398a0b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Trauma <\/b>| Neuropsychological &amp; emotional effects <\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7d719da elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"7d719da\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\" style=\"color:black;\">If we\u2019ve experienced trauma in earlier times, it leaves its <strong>traces<\/strong> within us. During such moments, our system goes into a <strong>state of emergency<\/strong>. Our <strong>emotional center<\/strong>\u2014the <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Limbic_system\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong><u>limbic system<\/u><\/strong><\/a>\u2014becomes highly activated. Often, a person in this state enters a kind of <strong>foggy, detached trance<\/strong>, also known as <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Dissociation_(psychology)\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong><u>dissociation<\/u><\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"western\" style=\"color:black;\">Dissociation is an initial protective strategy: the brain\u2019s <strong>control center<\/strong>\u2014<a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Thalamus\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong><u>thalamic areas<\/u><\/strong><\/a>\u2014is overwhelmed and can\u2019t fully process what&#8217;s happening. It\u2019s simply too much. Parts of the experience get \u201csplit off\u201d (or suppressed from our conscious awareness and memory) to shield the system.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"western\" style=\"color:black;\">As a result, these events are often only <strong>fragmentarily remembered<\/strong> and stored in our <strong>memory<\/strong> in pieces. Within <strong>biographical memory<\/strong>, traumatic events are rarely recalled fully or clearly. Yet, the associated pain, confusion, fear, helplessness, disgust, and similar feelings remain intense, causing the <strong>emotional center<\/strong> to feel \u201con fire.\u201d People affected by trauma often have a lower threshold for emotional reactivation. Certain triggers can bring these past feelings back to the surface instantly.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"western\" style=\"color:black;\">Reliving these feelings is <strong>aversive<\/strong>\u2014trauma-related emotions <strong>stress<\/strong> the system, making them <strong>fearful and distressing<\/strong>. Much of the work following trauma is then spent on <strong>avoiding these emotions<\/strong>. Internally, re-experiencing these emotions often feels as threatening as the original trauma itself.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"western\" style=\"color:black;\">Triggers are <strong>stimuli connected to the trauma<\/strong> and can sometimes be completely <strong>neutral<\/strong> in themselves (like a banana, a particular smell, etc.). However, it\u2019s the <strong>subjective experience<\/strong> that links these stimuli with a sense of <strong>threat<\/strong> (an associative response). Long after the traumatic event, these triggers may continue to bring up the same emotions.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"western\" style=\"color:black;\">To protect from re-experiencing this stress, a <strong>complex web of protective and avoidance strategies<\/strong> often develops over time, usually without conscious awareness. The aim is clear: avoid these painful feelings at all costs! <strong>Fear<\/strong> arises from&#8230;<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-bf4321f elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"bf4321f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Protective behavior<\/b> after<b> trauma <\/b>&amp; \"foreign fielding\"<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-698edfa elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"698edfa\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Protective behaviors often include certain <strong>patterns in thoughts, emotions, interactions, and actions<\/strong> that <b><u>seem<\/u><\/b> to help us today in managing pain and trauma-related feelings. <strong>Control<\/strong> becomes essential. It&#8217;s crucial to understand that establishing such strategies back then was <strong>vital<\/strong>! This was a natural process, ensuring emotional, psychological, and spiritual <b><u>survival<\/u><\/b> during and after traumatic events. This should be recognized and understood.<\/p><p>What we <strong>learned<\/strong> as a protective strategy has since become embedded in our system and evolved.<\/p><p>For example, if we once avoided a particular person (like a father) because it felt safer (e.g., avoiding harm), we might now avoid <strong>others<\/strong> <u>with certain traits that remind us of this person<\/u> (such as a similar beard or expressions). This reaction is a form of <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Generalization_(psychology)\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong><u>generalization<\/u><\/strong><\/a> (a specific form of conditioning). In extreme cases, this avoidance might generalize to men as a whole. Certain locations might also be avoided (like a specific train station) if they hold an association with <strong>danger<\/strong> (e.g., someone threatening). This can lead to life <b>restrictions<\/b> (like avoiding train rides altogether).<\/p><p><strong>Protective behavior<\/strong> tends to become <strong>increasingly restrictive<\/strong>. It may also serve as a strategy against the <strong>fear of losing control<\/strong>. Avoiding distressing feelings or the <strong>dissociation<\/strong> state (or trance) mentioned earlier can be part of this. Although dissociation may seem to provide short-term relief by disconnecting from the experience, many people feel <u>helpless<\/u> in this state, limited in their ability to act and be present, resulting in an unpleasant sense of losing control.<\/p><p>To counter this sense of losing control, people often turn to controlling the seemingly <strong>controllable<\/strong> aspects of life: routines, household tasks, or bureaucratic responsibilities. This often extends to a strong effort to control their own emotions. This need for control can lead to further protective behavior, which I refer to as <strong>&#8220;foreign fielding&#8221;<\/strong>:<\/p><p>Emotions are tightly controlled (which requires effort) because one&#8217;s <strong>own field<\/strong> of personal experience may feel like <strong>unsafe territory<\/strong> (a potential emotional &#8220;explosion&#8221; risk). As a result, a protective mechanism might involve focusing on the <strong>issues, problems, and stories of others<\/strong>. <u>Shifting attention to someone else\u2019s emotional-energetic field<\/u> can temporarily relieve stress, because attention towards them means control of what happens there. Traumatized people can feel more<b> in control <\/b>by reducing the\u00a0external world and its <u>effects on one&#8217;s inner world<\/u>.<\/p><p>Please don&#8217;t misunderstand: we\u2019re all interconnected and genuinely care about each other as humans. This is in alignment with our true nature. However, by <strong><u>&#8220;foreign fielding&#8221;<\/u><\/strong><u>,<\/u> I mean strolling in the emotional-energetic fields of others while\u00a0<strong>losing connection with oneself<\/strong>. Possibly automatically it leads to\u00a0<strong>avoidance of one&#8217;s inner world<\/strong>, or one\u2019s <strong>own emotions<\/strong>. This can result in a strong <b><u>identification with others&#8217; fields<\/u><\/b>, which may have <strong>negative consequences<\/strong>, especially in interpersonal relationships.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-9a6ce31 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"9a6ce31\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Co-Narcissism,<\/b> <b>Trauma <\/b>&amp;<b> Self-Alienation<\/b>.<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-0f7a894 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"0f7a894\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\">If the <strong>realm of one&#8217;s own feelings<\/strong> is perceived as <strong>threatening<\/strong>, over time, <strong>emotional self-alienation<\/strong> may develop.<\/p><p class=\"western\">Limited awareness and connection to <strong>one&#8217;s own feelings<\/strong> affects inner clarity and decision-making. Emotions act as our <strong>inner compass<\/strong>, signaling what is <strong>important and meaningful<\/strong> to us. When this inner connection is weak or absent, essential components of a holistic, self-aware, and confident life experience are missing. Consequently, our relationship with ourselves may lack health and stability.<\/p><p class=\"western\">When combined with \u201cforeign fielding\u201d described earlier, this opens the door to <b>destructive relationship patterns<\/b> (<u><a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/toxic-empathic-narcissistic-relationship\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b>see article<\/b><\/a><\/u>). By <strong>avoiding<\/strong> our <strong>own needs and emotional world<\/strong>, we may unconsciously use another person as a <b>proxy<\/b> for our own unaddressed needs. This can be a form of <strong>projection<\/strong> where we seek in others what we find <strong>intimidating<\/strong> within ourselves, perhaps a longing for closeness, care, or unconditional love. We might notice traits in others\u2014unresolved or wounded parts\u2014that we have yet to address in ourselves.<\/p><p class=\"western\">As time passes, our behavior and perceptions begin to align more closely with what we see (or believe we see) in the other person. Even if we sense some truth in this, we risk losing sight of our own <b>genuine feelings and needs<\/b>. The clarity, healthy <b>self-connection<\/b>, and conscious <b>awareness of our inner world<\/b> may remain dormant, leaving unexpressed desires unsaid. <br \/>Unconsciously, we try to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narciss-attract-8-core-conflict\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>fulfill our unmet needs through the other person<\/u><\/b><\/a>, often without realizing they are indeed our own needs. This can bring with it an unspoken expectation that the other person will intuit and respond to these needs\u2014just as we believe we do for them. A <strong>silent agreement<\/strong> emerges, but without the other person&#8217;s awareness.<\/p><p class=\"western\">A <strong>disconnection from one\u2019s own inner life<\/strong> begins to form, leading eventually to a painful awakening. This awakening often arrives when we realize the other person isn\u2019t who we thought they were, or when they break this silent contract. Such <strong>moments of awakening<\/strong> frequently mark the beginning of the end in an <u><strong>empathic-narcissistic relationship dynamic<\/strong><\/u> (<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/toxic-empathic-narcissistic-relationship\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">learn more<\/a><\/strong><\/span>).<\/p><p class=\"western\">In these moments, we often find <strong>no clarity<\/strong> amidst the turmoil. If we return to the start of this article, it may help to recognize something crucial: This painful awakening highlights how we may have perceived the other within the <strong>boundaries of our own history<\/strong> (which can happen in any challenging relationship breakup!). <strong>The illusion fades<\/strong>. The image we projected onto the other person no longer holds\u2014and this <strong>hurts<\/strong>. Our <strong>own authentic inner world surfaces<\/strong>.<\/p><p class=\"western\">Suddenly, emotions and pains we had skirted around or tried to control erupt like steam from a geyser. With this intensity, the pain of a dissolved illusion can strike us.<\/p><p class=\"western\">Was it all an illusion? Not entirely. Our perception is <u>limited<\/u>, but not fully mistaken. In our stories about others, we tend to capture only what <strong>resonates<\/strong> with us, <u>often seeing only an aspect of the person<\/u>\u2014the part that fits within our <strong>framework of ideals and beliefs<\/strong>.<\/p><p class=\"western\">What we can do: We can <b><u>acknowledge our subjectivity<\/u><\/b>, practicing <strong>honesty<\/strong> and <strong>mindfulness<\/strong> towards ourselves and others. This allows us to <strong>\u201cbring our feelings home\u201d<\/strong> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/15-keys-heal-empaths-empathic-narcissistic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><u>end the internal struggle<\/u><\/strong><\/a>. Feeling familiar connections with others is a beautiful moment where <strong>genuine connection<\/strong> can emerge.<\/p><p class=\"western\">For authentic connection, however, we first need a strong <strong>connection to ourselves<\/strong>. Only by honestly addressing what remains <strong>unresolved within<\/strong> us can we build <b><u>healthy relationships<\/u><\/b> that reflect this inner strength. Though it might feel easier to focus on someone else, caring about them instead of navigating our own <strong>emotional landscape<\/strong>, this can be a form of <strong>self-deception<\/strong>. Ultimately, we are always trying to <strong>save ourselves<\/strong> through the other, trying to reconcile <strong>our own inner conflicts<\/strong>.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-6f6e934 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"6f6e934\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-d51d0d9\" data-id=\"d51d0d9\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-fb3760c elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"fb3760c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>7 <\/b>Consequences of <b>foreign fielding <\/b>in relationships<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4327526 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"4327526\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<ol><li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Your <strong>counterpart<\/strong> gradually becomes felt as a <strong>part of you<\/strong>. This does not refer to authentically lived partnership, but rather to a <strong>symbiotic entanglement<\/strong> rooted in an <strong>absolute need<\/strong>.<br \/>If the other person represents your inner, unresolved, traumatic part, you will experience a sense of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/2-toxic-relationship-indiv-dependency\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>dependence<\/strong><\/span><\/a>. A <strong>healthy boundary<\/strong> towards this person will feel hurtful to you, and you may hesitate to establish it. Your inner world will feel as if it all\u00a0<strong>depends on<\/strong> how well your counterpart is doing and how reliably you can <strong>save them<\/strong>.<p>\u00a0<\/p><\/li><li><strong>You are distancing yourself from yourself<\/strong> and your inner world. You may\u00a0<strong>abandon<\/strong>\u00a0yourself (which may feel both painful and traumatic) in your <strong>perception<\/strong> and in your <strong>priorities<\/strong>. You begin to feel like a <strong>part of the other<\/strong>. You may oscillate between feeling <strong>safe<\/strong> and <strong>belonging<\/strong>, as though you\u2019ve found your place (while avoiding your own issues), and then experiencing existential\u00a0<strong>fears of loss<\/strong> or feelings of <b>being engulfed<\/b> (which leads to ambivalent behaviors).<\/li><li>In this encounter, everything thus revolves around your <strong>performance<\/strong> and fulfilling a <strong>role<\/strong> you feel obligated to play. Whether by constantly searching for <strong>solutions or compromises<\/strong>, returning repeatedly to <strong>meet the other&#8217;s needs<\/strong>, or <strong>working on yourself<\/strong>\u00a0(not for yourself, but to improve the relationship), you are always <u>trying to <strong>optimize<\/strong><\/u>. By doing so, you unconsciously support the belief <i>&#8220;<strong>I am not good enough!<\/strong>&#8220;<\/i> This is not about sincere compromise where both partners are willing and motivated to work on themselves for a mutual purpose, but rather about <u>self-sacrifice<\/u>, one-sided effort, and imbalance.<\/li><li>Due to your emotional fusion with your counterpart, you will increasingly lose your <strong>self-identity<\/strong> and experience less of your own, deep-seated trauma. It can feel as if someone is <strong>lifting a backpack that weighs tons<\/strong> off you. It\u2019s as if you are <u>stepping into a new life<\/u>, and you might attribute this relief to your partner. However, it is more likely that this is merely <u>relief and distraction from what remains unresolved<\/u> within you. But <u><b>it does<\/b><\/u> remain! Your <strong>new self<\/strong> is only partially present. Upon closer examination, this sense of relief is intertwined with performing, renouncing personal needs, and self-alienation (see point 3.). Over time, you may find yourself facing a dilemma: <i>&#8220;<strong>Me or the Other?<\/strong>&#8220;<\/i> The <strong>illusory relief<\/strong> you experience will last only until your own needs, values, and desires start to surface\u2014and they eventually will!<\/li><li>Through the <strong>mechanisms of projecting onto others<\/strong>, you cross a <strong>boundary between self and others<\/strong>. And let&#8217;s be honest\u2014this often happens without permission. What your counterpart wants or wishes to resolve remains <u>their<\/u> responsibility. Each person decides for themselves what they want to face, work on, and address in life.<br \/>If you enter an encounter as a <strong>savior<\/strong> and feel compelled to relieve the <strong>suffering of another<\/strong> on their behalf, you unconsciously give your <strong><i>&#8220;okay&#8221;<\/i><\/strong> to <u>blurred boundaries<\/u>. Consequently, you will likely experience boundary crossings yourself and <b>attract people<\/b> who unconsciously align with this dynamic.<\/li><li>If you unconsciously <b>need<\/b> another person to avoid facing inward, thereby avoiding feelings of fear, sadness, or pain, to perhaps vicariously &#8220;save&#8221; yourself <u>through them<\/u>\u2014then <strong>your counterpart will likely sense this<\/strong>. Without necessarily understanding the exact reason, they may respond with <strong>discontent<\/strong>, feel a <strong>lack of appreciation<\/strong>, or resist your attempts &#8211; even if they are funny, lovingly or supportive. This dynamic can also result in another possibility:<\/li><li>That you consistently attract people who, in turn, <u><b>need<\/b> you<\/u> to <u>avoid confronting their own unresolved trauma<\/u>. People whose patterns align with yours and who <strong>engage<\/strong> in similar ways (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/11-toxisch-empathisch-narzisstisch-beziehung\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><u><b>see the article on empathic-narcissistic magnetism for this<\/b><\/u><\/a>). <br \/>This dynamic of <strong>boundary crossings<\/strong> can trigger a sense of <strong>lack of appreciation\u00a0<\/strong>in you. You may find yourself attracting people who, like you, are <strong><u>disconnected from their complex wholeness<\/u><\/strong> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/mirror-process-inner-universe\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>inner universe<\/u><\/b><\/a> (albeit in different ways). <br \/>As a result, you may only ever relate to a <strong>fragment or fragments<\/strong> of your counterpart that resonate with your own <strong>fractured parts<\/strong> and aspects.<\/li><\/ol>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-929516c elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"929516c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Navigating<\/b> defense &amp; avoidance | the path towards <b>healing<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8a756b6 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"8a756b6\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p style=\"color: black;\">The original trauma state\u2014with its layers of deep pain, fear, overwhelming emotions, and mental trances\u2014drives affected people to seek out <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">solutions<\/span> to stop feeling these overwhelming sensations.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">Over time, secondary emotions like guilt or shame can surface from trauma-rooted <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">core beliefs<\/span>. These lead to <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">misunderstandings or mental programming<\/span> that may foster <u>self-blame<\/u> for the trauma. Often, this need for relief is tied to the person involved, especially if survival seemed to depend on the relationship (<i>\u201cIt&#8217;s my fault I was treated that way; I must have been too demanding as a child\u201d<\/i>). These secondary emotions can <u>overshadow<\/u> the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">primary emotions<\/span> that need to be faced and understood. In response, people may develop complex, multi-layered <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">defense mechanisms<\/span> to protect themselves.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\"><b>Each avoidance \/ defense behavior reinforces the emotional trauma<\/b> by blocking access to these <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">core feelings<\/span>, even if the behavior was essential at the time. Avoidance \/ Defense mechanisms keep us from experiencing distress, though not every uncomfortable feeling stems from them. Listening to our <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">intuition<\/span> and <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">gut feeling<\/span> is crucial to keeping boundaries with harmful situations. This distinction can be difficult, especially after years in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empath-narcissist-key-toxic-relationships\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>unhealthy relationships<\/u><\/b><\/a>, which may dull the voice of intuition over time.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">As this article shows, defense behaviors often aim to avoid feeling <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">deep pain<\/span>. We all develop unique <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">strategies and solutions<\/span> for this. Some may try to control their environment or others by <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">manipulating<\/span> or <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">altering facts<\/span> to avoid feeling vulnerable (see <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/narcissistic-wound-causes-and-effects\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>article on the narcissistic wound<\/u><\/span><\/a>).<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">Others may turn to <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">self-doubt<\/span>, caregiving, or <b>conformity<\/b> to avoid <b>rejection<\/b> and stay agreeable to others (see <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathy-love-and-dependence\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>article on empathic wounds<\/u><\/span><\/a>). In both cases, these behaviors aim to <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">avoid reliving old pain<\/span>. This keeps the underlying beliefs unexamined, still active, and continuing as a <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">distorted blueprint<\/span> from the trauma.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">My hope is that this article might encourage letting go of the need for <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">blame<\/span> and <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">judgment<\/span>. Initial feelings of <b>anger<\/b> and rage are <b><u>valid<\/u><\/b>. They create space and help reconnect with personal needs, but they are <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">secondary emotions<\/span>. Beneath them lies an <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">unspoken grief<\/span>\u00a0and a <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">deep-rooted pain<\/span>, stemming from the understanding that both you and the other person may not have had the capacity to act differently.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">It\u2019s <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">time for forgiveness<\/span>, especially self-forgiveness. Staying stuck in <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">accusation<\/span> keeps focus on others, avoiding self-reflection, and prolongs defense patterns. Conflicts with others are often <b><u>mirrors of our inner struggles<\/u><\/b>. We <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">fight<\/span> parts of ourselves through our interactions with others.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-4b49236 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"4b49236\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-0036e4c\" data-id=\"0036e4c\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-cae2e50 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"cae2e50\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Acceptance of <b>subjectivity <\/b>| letting go of our stories<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3090b6e elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"3090b6e\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\">A filter is always a <strong>limitation<\/strong> of what actually exists. Our perception shapes what we see, think, and feel based on what we are <strong>familiar with<\/strong>. What we recognize as known falls within the scope of our <strong>narrative<\/strong>, making it seem valid. This can lead us to cling to our stories and believe them to be true. <br \/>When something <strong><u>makes sense<\/u><\/strong>, we experience a sense of <strong>calm<\/strong> and feel as though we have reached a <strong>standstill<\/strong>. The world fits into a manageable framework for us, allowing stirred-up emotions to <strong>settle<\/strong>. They do not settle because we are <strong>right<\/strong>, but because <b><u>we believe<\/u><\/b> we are <b>right<\/b> (whatever that means).<\/p><p class=\"western\">When we insist on being <strong>right<\/strong>, we also reinforce the <strong>stored beliefs<\/strong> and <strong>behavioral patterns<\/strong> that relate to the external <strong>challenges<\/strong>, our inner <strong>fears<\/strong>, and the actual <strong>pain<\/strong>. Everything within us will remain <strong>preserved<\/strong> and untouched.<\/p><p class=\"western\">When we treat our <strong>subjectively experienced reality<\/strong> as <u>universally true<\/u>, we also accept our <strong><u>beliefs<\/u><\/strong> as truth. This affects our self-image and the <strong>threat<\/strong> posed by our feelings, as well as our <strong>misprogramming<\/strong>. In our desire to be <strong>right<\/strong>, we continually construct a <strong><u>replication of the past<\/u><\/strong>. We play the same roles, alternately projecting our needs, desires, hurts, motives, or perceived threats onto others <u>based on our interpretations<\/u>. We become <strong>projectors<\/strong> and <strong>reactors<\/strong> instead of <strong>free agents<\/strong>. To put it bluntly, we become <strong><u>slaves to the fear<\/u><\/strong> of our own feelings and existence.<\/p><p class=\"western\">The role we once adopted to cope with our original trauma, self-doubt, fears, and past circumstances has served us well. We can be <u>grateful<\/u> for that. However, <strong>now is now<\/strong>. A filter is still a filter, and a <strong>story is just a story<\/strong>.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7587960 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"7587960\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Awareness <\/b>of mechanisms | <b>self-liberation<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c4145ee elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"c4145ee\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\">It&#8217;s important to be <strong>aware<\/strong> that early trauma affects our thinking, feelings, behavior, and internalized beliefs. The key point is <strong>identification<\/strong>\u2014that is, to <strong>consciously resolve<\/strong> the <strong>subjectivity<\/strong> of our own perceptions and interpretations. <br \/>We need to observe and reflect on our own <strong>unconscious patterns<\/strong> with a sense of <strong>loving acceptance<\/strong>. We can always ask ourselves whether <u>what we tell ourselves about life, ourselves, our fellow human beings, and their motives is <strong>really true<\/strong><\/u>. <br \/>Or if our story simply sounds <strong>familiar<\/strong>. Are we truly <u><strong>honest<\/strong> with ourselves<\/u> regarding the <strong>blueprint<\/strong> we have created? We should also question whether we <strong>confuse our <u>subjective narrative<\/u> with a <u>universal truth<\/u><\/strong> and get more aware of what it truly is: just our personal story.<\/p><p class=\"western\">We may ask ourselves what we are <strong>running away from inside<\/strong>. What scares us? Perhaps we notice when we <strong>project<\/strong> our own feelings onto someone else\u2019s situation. When do we <strong>lose contact with ourselves<\/strong>? Do we give up, and if so, for what reason? We should also reflect on when we <strong>feel helpless, hurt, guilty, sad, angry, or afraid<\/strong>, and then <u>embrace these feelings<\/u> with <strong>loving acceptance<\/strong>.<\/p><p class=\"western\">We can become more <b><u>aware<\/u><\/b> of how our experiences have shaped us. <strong>Understanding<\/strong> is something every person desires! However, this understanding <u>cannot come from outside<\/u> unless we cultivate it from <b><u>within<\/u><\/b>. <br \/><strong>States of exception<\/strong>\u00a0can be used to learn how to internally regulate ourselves. This will give us the confidence that we can handle whatever <strong>arises<\/strong> within us or has been there for a long time. We can also learn to view our <strong>triggers<\/strong> as helpful cues\u2014they may indicate when an <strong>unhealthy dynamic<\/strong> is present, putting us at risk of falling into <strong>old patterns<\/strong>. Then, we can make a <strong>conscious choice<\/strong> for our own well-being.<\/p><p class=\"western\">If we wish to embark on this journey, we can <strong>ask for help<\/strong> along the way. It\u2019s important to clearly articulate our <strong>needs<\/strong> and stand by ourselves, embracing everything we are. We should consider what is truly <strong>important<\/strong> in life, which <strong>values<\/strong> we express and live by, and what we genuinely want. We can learn to <strong>distinguish<\/strong> between <strong>escaping old feelings<\/strong> and listening to the <strong>voice of our intuition<\/strong>, which grows louder the more we pay attention to it. It becomes clearer when we make a <strong>firm commitment to ourselves<\/strong> and start to <strong>reclaim our feelings<\/strong>. We can begin to <strong>open up slowly and gently<\/strong>, knowing that we can <strong>establish healthy boundaries<\/strong>. This allows us to differentiate <strong>between ourselves and others<\/strong>, affirming that we are always with ourselves and that we have the capacity to be.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-7cc9b436 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"7cc9b436\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;,&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-30592b98\" data-id=\"30592b98\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-ade0168 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"ade0168\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Free <b>preliminary talk<\/b>?<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-0ceace0 elementor-align-center elementor-widget elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"0ceace0\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-button-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-button elementor-button-link elementor-size-sm\" href=\"https:\/\/psysoulogy.youcanbook.me\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-icon\">\n\t\t\t\t<i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"far fa-calendar-alt\"><\/i>\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">Book appointment<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-07dddcf elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"07dddcf\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-04ee7fa\" data-id=\"04ee7fa\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c086a38 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"c086a38\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\"><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text ); font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight ); font-size: 17px;\">Once again: In the end, we all only wish <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: bolder; color: var( --e-global-color-text ); font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-size: 17px;\">to be happy<\/span><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text ); font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight ); font-size: 17px;\">. Understanding the effects, patterns, and mechanisms of <\/span><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text ); font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-size: 17px;\"><b>trauma<\/b><\/span><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text ); font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight ); font-size: 17px;\"> can be crucial. Recognizing <strong>maladaptive programming<\/strong> may serve as a first step toward achieving <\/span><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text ); font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-size: 17px;\"><b>self-honesty<\/b><\/span><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text ); font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight ); font-size: 17px;\"> and forging new, healthy, self-determined paths.<\/span><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text ); font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight ); font-size: 17px;\"> <br \/>May this article help you to do so!<\/span><\/p><p class=\"western\">Everything starts with you!<\/p><p class=\"western\">All my love,<br \/>Yours Kristina<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-201c9bc elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"201c9bc\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;,&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-653c113\" data-id=\"653c113\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8c85ab9 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"8c85ab9\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Invitation<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3dde09a elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"3dde09a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re considering being accompanied through the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/mirror-process-inner-universe\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>mirror process of inner work<\/strong><\/span><\/a>, you can book a <a href=\"https:\/\/psysoulogy.youcanbook.me\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>free preliminary talk in my booking calendar<\/u><\/b><\/a> at the top right of this page or below this entry.\n\n<span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">The <\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">model assumptions<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\"> are based on years of professional<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">observation<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, personal<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">experience<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, and knowledge from<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">psychoanalysis, psychodynamics, and developmental psychology<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">. For more information, please refer to the<\/span> <a style=\"text-decoration-line: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/copyright\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">Copyright<\/span><\/a><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\"> notice. The articles, including assumptions and hypotheses, may be<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">shared freely<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, but please always provide<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">attribution\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">(my name and the website).<\/span>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Overview Early trauma &amp; toxic relationships What does early trauma have to do with destructive, toxic relationship behaviors? And how can one overcome this to find new, healthy, and fulfilling relationships? A central aspect here is reconnecting with one\u2019s own feelings and inner self \u2013 creating a healthy relationship with oneself. Traumatic experiences, in any [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12422,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_glsr_average":0,"_glsr_ranking":0,"_glsr_reviews":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[857],"tags":[903,982,860,906,988,990,993,992,987,995,989,991,996,994,953],"class_list":["post-12798","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-toxic-relationships","tag-co-narcissism","tag-coping-strategies","tag-dependency","tag-distance","tag-emotional-recovery","tag-healing-mechanisms","tag-inner-child-work","tag-mental-health","tag-narcissism","tag-personal-development","tag-psychological-resilience","tag-self-compassion","tag-support-systems","tag-therapy-approaches","tag-trauma-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12798","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12798"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12798\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12422"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12798"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12798"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12798"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}