{"id":12794,"date":"2020-06-11T00:47:53","date_gmt":"2020-06-10T22:47:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/5-conflicts-of-empathic-narcissistic-magnetism-self-worth\/"},"modified":"2024-10-31T19:21:39","modified_gmt":"2024-10-31T18:21:39","slug":"5-conflicts-toxic-relationship-self-worth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/5-conflicts-toxic-relationship-self-worth\/","title":{"rendered":"#5 Core Conflicts of toxic relationships | self-worth conflict"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"12794\" class=\"elementor elementor-12794 elementor-3552\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-a31a3f2 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"a31a3f2\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-65a1bf4\" data-id=\"65a1bf4\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-840c21a elementor-toc--minimized-on-tablet elementor-widget elementor-widget-table-of-contents\" data-id=\"840c21a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;headings_by_tags&quot;:[&quot;h3&quot;],&quot;exclude_headings_by_selector&quot;:[],&quot;marker_view&quot;:&quot;numbers&quot;,&quot;no_headings_message&quot;:&quot;No headings were found on this page.&quot;,&quot;minimize_box&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;,&quot;minimized_on&quot;:&quot;tablet&quot;,&quot;hierarchical_view&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;,&quot;min_height&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;min_height_tablet&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;min_height_mobile&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]}}\" data-widget_type=\"table-of-contents.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__header\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<h4 class=\"elementor-toc__header-title\">\n\t\t\t\tOverview\t\t\t<\/h4>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__toggle-button elementor-toc__toggle-button--expand\" role=\"button\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-controls=\"elementor-toc__840c21a\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-label=\"Open table of contents\"><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-chevron-down\"><\/i><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__toggle-button elementor-toc__toggle-button--collapse\" role=\"button\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-controls=\"elementor-toc__840c21a\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-label=\"Close table of contents\"><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-chevron-up\"><\/i><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div id=\"elementor-toc__840c21a\" class=\"elementor-toc__body\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__spinner-container\">\n\t\t\t\t<i class=\"elementor-toc__spinner eicon-animation-spin eicon-loading\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><\/i>\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f5b95a2 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"f5b95a2\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Introduction<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-9e50936 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"9e50936\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>The articles on individual conflicts are based on a\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narcissistic-8-conflicts\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>basic article for this series,<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0which you should ideally read first.<br \/>In summary: We <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">all<\/span> carry <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">conflicts<\/span> within us that create <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">tension<\/span> and possibly even <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">fear<\/span>. When we become <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">aware<\/span> of these conflicts, we can choose how to address them. Through <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">honesty<\/span> and self-reflection, we can foster <b>acceptance<\/b>, gradual <b>integration<\/b>, and ultimately become whole.<br \/>If these conflicts remain <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">unconscious<\/span>, inner turmoil and anxiety can arise, which we may struggle to identify.<\/p><p>The <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">opposite of our own attempts at conflict resolution<\/span> often manifests in others. We may find these individuals attractive because they embody traits that are connected to our own <b>taboos, prohibitions, fears<\/b>, or <b>rejections<\/b>. These may be attitudes and behaviors we believe we <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">cannot<\/span> or <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">should not<\/span> exhibit, or ones we condemn within ourselves. You can reflect on this for yourself below.<\/p><p>Because our counterparts <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">express<\/span> what <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">scares us<\/span>, our inner conflicts are frequently triggered, leading to tension.<br \/>If we are unaware of these inner conflicts, repetitive <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">patterns of conflict<\/span> may develop in our relationships.\u00a0<\/p><p><a style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight ); background-color: #ffffff;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/high-sensitivity-and-the-empathic-wound-between-unconditional-love-and-dependence\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\"><u>Empathetic persons in such relationships<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0often lack understanding.\u00a0Usually this results in <b>persistent tension<\/b>, anxiety, confusion, energy depletion, and the empathic <u><a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/in-10-steps-empathic-overstimulation\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">stress loop<\/span><\/a><\/u>.<\/p><p>Let&#8217;s dive in examining the conflict of self-worth.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c86f736 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"c86f736\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Conflict | <b>Self-worth<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b16280e elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"b16280e\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\" style=\"color: black;\">In an<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narcissistic-relationship\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><br \/><strong> empathic-narcissistic<\/strong><\/a> or narcissistic\/co-narcissistic dynamic, both partners experience an inner <strong>self-worth conflict<\/strong>. Here, it\u2019s worth mentioning that self-worth is deeply connected to <strong>self-image<\/strong>, meaning the <strong>image<\/strong> of ourselves we&#8217;ve constructed over the years (<a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Constructivism_(learning_theory)\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>Constructivism<\/strong><\/a>). This self-image shapes our understanding of ourselves and our environment. As long as our <strong>subjective reality<\/strong> aligns with this constructed image, we experience a feeling of\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Congruence_(psychotherapy)\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong><u>congruence<\/u><\/strong><\/a>.<\/p><p class=\"western\" style=\"color: black;\">Congruence can also appear in therapy sessions. When a therapist is congruent, their thoughts, feelings, and actions align with their words. We experience congruence as pleasant and <strong>reassuring<\/strong>, while <strong>incongruence<\/strong> may create tension or discomfort. A mismatch between our <strong>self-image<\/strong> and the <strong>feedback from our environment<\/strong> can cause stress, shaking our self-image and with it, our <strong>self-worth<\/strong>. A <strong>healthy self-worth<\/strong> stems from a healthy relationship with oneself.<\/p><p class=\"western\" style=\"color: black;\">When we consistently think, feel, and act in <strong>appreciation<\/strong> toward ourselves, we cultivate <strong>self-worth<\/strong> in our relationship with ourselves. Self-worth can then grow, becoming less dependent on external circumstances. The more we reject our unrecognized shadows, taboos, and unrealistic perfectionism (forms of internal <strong>misprogramming<\/strong>), the more we may find ourselves <strong>rejecting<\/strong> aspects of ourselves. This lack of appreciation can even lead to fear of our own traits, pushing us to <strong>conceal<\/strong> them from ourselves and others. Often, these hidden aspects are precisely the parts that don\u2019t fit into our constructed self-image\u2014what we\u2019d rather not be.<\/p><p class=\"western\" style=\"color: black;\">The less we see ourselves as <strong>valuable<\/strong>\u2014with all our unique facets, shadows, weaknesses, and strengths\u2014the more our self-worth depends on outside validation and reinforcement. We project an idealized <strong>self-image<\/strong> and hope our <strong>behavior<\/strong> will bring us validation, acceptance, and appreciation from others, so we feel <strong>valuable<\/strong>, seen, and recognized. This pursuit of validation can be both conscious and unconscious. On one hand, <b>self-worth<\/b> and <b>self-confidence<\/b> may gain support from the outside, but we also risk making our self-worth <strong>contingent<\/strong> on \u201cappropriate behavior.\u201d If our emotions, thoughts, or impulses clash with our self-image, we may unwittingly undermine our self-worth through <strong>self-rejection<\/strong>. In such cases, self-worth is unstable, subject to internal conflicts and tension, and we try to manage this in various ways.<\/p><p class=\"western\" style=\"color: black;\">In the <strong>passive coping mode of<\/strong> self-worth conflict, the constructed <strong>self-image<\/strong> includes a belief of being <strong>less valuable than others<\/strong>. Emotionally, there may be a prevailing <strong>sense of shame<\/strong> about one\u2019s own existence and worth, with a sense of \u201cnot good enough\u201d (especially not for oneself), self-criticism, and belittlement. This often sends a message to <strong>others<\/strong> that conveys direct or indirect <strong>self-devaluation<\/strong>. Such devaluation can place others in a pedestal position, leading to idealization, even when unintended.<\/p><p class=\"western\" style=\"color: black;\">However, interaction partners often receive <strong>mixed signals<\/strong> from the passive mode. This self-devaluation generates pressure, potentially causing others to feel inclined to affirm the passive mode (\u201cI think you do have your merits\u201d), while simultaneously creating a counter-impulse to push back against the pressure (\u201cThis is really draining!\u201d). Thus, the passive mode establishes a kind of <strong>tension<\/strong> for the interaction partner, who may feel compelled to either contradict the self-deprecating stance (&#8220;fishing for compliments&#8221;) or, consciously or unconsciously, confirm it.<\/p><p class=\"western\" style=\"color: black;\">In contrast, the <strong>active coping mode<\/strong> takes a different approach to the self-worth conflict. It projects a confident, self-assured facade and seeks validation for a grandiose self-image through <strong>external affirmation<\/strong>. This need is driven by an underlying <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/causes-consequence-narcissis-narcissistic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><u>narcissistic anger<\/u><\/strong><\/a>, rooted in deep self-doubt about the reality of this grandiose self-image. Continuous inner self-doubt persists, which the active mode attempts to counterbalance through external validation.<\/p><p class=\"western\" style=\"color: black;\">Interactionally, the active mode essentially conveys, \u201cAdmire me!\u201d This self-assured stance communicates subtle <strong>devaluation<\/strong> of others, making them feel indirectly challenged. Interaction partners may experience reactions ranging from <strong>genuine admiration<\/strong> of the active mode\u2019s perceived accomplishments, to feelings of discomfort, to a defensive urge to justify themselves. They may experience <b>anger<\/b> or <b>fatigue<\/b> in response.<\/p><p class=\"western\" style=\"color: black;\">Similar to the passive mode, the active mode creates a <strong>tension<\/strong>, demanding a response: Approval of the active mode\u2019s self-assurance also implies acceptance of its self-worth claims. Approval can also implicitly devalue oneself, unless one is very self-aware. Another possible reaction is to respond with <strong>contradiction<\/strong> by asserting one\u2019s own merits, leading to a subtle competition for <strong>self-worth<\/strong>. This reveals how dependent self-worth may be on external validation. Interaction partners may end up discussing their worth or, in more advanced cases, shift into mutual <strong>devaluation<\/strong> or criticism, as they each seek to <strong>stabilize<\/strong> their own <strong>self-worth<\/strong> through comparison.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-ba0b75b elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"ba0b75b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Self-worth conflict<span style=\"font-weight: 700\"> <\/span>in <span style=\"font-weight: 700\">toxic <\/span>relationships<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5679f7d elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"5679f7d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>At first glance, it may seem straightforward: The\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-between-love-and-dependency\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>empathic individual<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0views himself as less valuable\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">(passive mode)\u00a0<\/span>and often experiences feelings of\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">shame<\/span>. Through his outward display of\u00a0<b>self-deprecation\u00a0<\/b>(&#8220;making himself small&#8221;), he attracts people who feel &#8220;drawn&#8221; to this energy. These individuals often manage their own\u00a0<b>self-worth\u00a0<\/b>struggles through an idealized perception of others.<\/p><p>For the\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/causes-and-effects-of-the-narcissistic-wound\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>narcissistic person<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0the\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">passive mode\u00a0<\/span>is an open invitation. The narcissistic individual typically operates in the\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">active mode<\/span>,<br \/>projecting confidence and creating situations to evoke\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">admiration and recognition<\/span>. When the passive mode responds with admiration, it reinforces the narcissistic person\u2019s sense of validation. In return, the narcissistic person may actively boost the self-worth of the passive individual for a time by affirming their qualities (<i>&#8220;You have incredible traits!&#8221; = Love bombing<\/i>). During the initial phase, both may feel an\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">intoxicating connection<\/span>,\u00a0as the active mode engages creatively, showering the passive mode with affirmations. For those with a narcissistic imprint, the drive for\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">elevation and admiration\u00a0<\/span>is a key component of what they consider &#8220;relationship.&#8221;<\/p><p>This highlights the common phenomenon of\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">&#8220;relationship transactions.&#8221;\u00a0<\/span>There\u2019s an exchange: something is given, and something is received in return. This dynamic is present\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">on both sides\u00a0<\/span>and \u2014 fatally \u2014 is often\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">unconscious<\/span>. The passive mode, or empathic side, also wishes for self-worth stabilization from an external source. Initially, the\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/causes-and-effects-of-the-narcissistic-wound\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><u>narcissistic counterpart<\/u><\/a>\u00a0<\/span>fulfills this need. Over time, however, the interactions become exhausting, and both sides become more aware of the underlying exchange. The active mode\u2019s self-affirmations increasingly come across as\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">self-centered devaluations<\/span>,<br \/>sparking healthy resistance in the empathic side. On the other hand, the empathic person\u2019s continued self-deprecation may\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">annoy<\/span><br \/>and even frustrate the active mode, which feels subtly invited to devalue the empathic partner further.<\/p><p>As the relationship progresses, inhibitions decrease, and the\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">transaction\u00a0<\/span>becomes more transparent, yet less effective. The need for recognition and\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">validation\u00a0<\/span>(both in active and passive modes) becomes more pronounced. However, each side feels less willing to adjust their\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">role\u00a0<\/span>in this game. At the\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">beginning<\/span>,\u00a0both feel affirmed in their\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">self-image\u00a0<\/span>through the other\u2019s response, creating a sense of congruence. The alignment stabilizes their self-worth through this mode match \u2014 like a lock fitting a key, reinforcing a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/2-toxic-relationship-indiv-dependency\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>cycle of dependency<\/u><\/b><\/a>.\u00a0<br \/><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">Yet, when idealization eventually falters, the active mode may react with\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">narcissistic rage<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">.<\/span><\/p><p>The\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-between-love-and-dependency\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>empathetic person<\/u><\/span>\u00a0<\/a>initially submits (feeling shame) but gradually realizes that continual self-deprecation in idealizing the other reaches the limits of their own self-worth. At this stage, the empathic individual might shift into\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">active mode<\/span>,\u00a0responding with anger, creating situations to elicit validation from the narcissistic partner. These modes are fluid. Within an\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narcissistic-dynamics\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>empathic-narcissistic dynamic<\/u><\/span><\/a>,\u00a0this reversal can lead the narcissistic person to accuse the empathic individual (<em>&#8220;You were angry and made yourself the center of attention!&#8221;<\/em>) or even\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">deny\u00a0<\/span>their own prior behavior. This often triggers the empathic person into self-doubt and internalized blame, leading them to question their perception entirely, reinforcing dependency.<\/p><p>At times, the\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/causes-and-effects-of-the-narcissistic-wound\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>narcissistic person<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0may slip into\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">passive mode<\/span>,\u00a0a state they cannot sustain for long. When this happens, repressed<br \/><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">self-doubt\u00a0<\/span>emerges, causing\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">panic\u00a0<\/span>(as detailed in the\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/causes-and-effects-of-the-narcissistic-wound\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>article on narcissistic wound<\/u><\/span><\/a>).<br \/>The narcissistic person might then attempt to restore the initial dynamic by adopting a submissive victim role (&#8220;No one validates me!&#8221;), flee the situation (ghosting), or\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">externalize emotions\u00a0<\/span>through denial and projection. If stuck in passive mode for too long, they may face a personal crisis, descending into depressive and potentially suicidal states, as their coping strategies crumble.<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">Interesting:<\/span><br \/>In cases of\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>covert narcissism<\/u><\/span>,\u00a0the\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">passive mode\u00a0<\/span>can be a long-term strategy. Here, the\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">victim role\u00a0<\/span>is instrumentalized to gain sympathy and validation. Narcissism in this context is apparent when the person becomes resentful if others do not reinforce their suffering or encourage them to take proactive steps. Suggestions to address their situation are often\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">resisted<\/span>,\u00a0met with\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">criticism<\/span>,\u00a0or even outright hostility. The passive mode in covert narcissism serves as a\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">tool for attention<\/span>,\u00a0where recognition comes paradoxically through victim acknowledgment (&#8220;You\u2019ve given so much!&#8221;). Covert narcissists thrive on approval that endorses their sacrifices, securing a paradoxical form of validation.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-8848bfe elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"8848bfe\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-68d8b9d\" data-id=\"68d8b9d\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-730ef6c elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"730ef6c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Summary | self-worth<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-deb89ef elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"deb89ef\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p style=\"color: black;\">As this <b>entire series of articles<\/b> suggests, <strong>collusive connections<\/strong> are based on conscious or unconscious <strong>deals<\/strong>. Certain <strong>roles<\/strong> are adopted that follow a recognizable <strong>pattern<\/strong>. When the <strong>key<\/strong> and the <strong>lock<\/strong> meet, it can create a significant clash, almost like a \u201cclanking\u201d experience. This connection can work to some extent, as shown in previous illustrations.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">However, both partners in such a relationship remain inauthentic, displaying unresolved inner conflicts and shadows that continue to impact them\u2014though they may appear hidden from the outside. Both partners avoid facing certain internal conflicts, seeking validation from the outside for what they do not truly hold within themselves. This approach, though tempting, cannot provide lasting satisfaction.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">The <strong>self-worth conflict<\/strong> within <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empath-narcissist-key-toxic-relationships\/\"><strong><u>empathic-narcissistic<\/u><\/strong><\/a> or narcissistic\/co-narcissistic dynamics, in my opinion, represents one of the most intense struggles. When such a connection is broken, the <strong>self-worth<\/strong> that relied on the relationship&#8217;s stability becomes vulnerable. Should the relationship end, the &#8220;source&#8221; of external affirmation may also disappear.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">Even as the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/high-sensitivity-and-the-empathic-wound-between-unconditional-love-and-dependence\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>empathically inclined individual<\/u><\/b><\/a> progresses and finds less and less affirmation, the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/15-keys-heal-empaths-empathic-narcissistic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>hope for a return to how things once were<\/u><\/b><\/a> can be powerful enough to accept a lot to regain that feeling. Many partners, therefore, find themselves asking questions like, <i>&#8220;Will he\/she get back on track?&#8221;<\/i> or <i>&#8220;It was different in the beginning\u2014doesn\u2019t that still exist within him\/her?&#8221;<\/i><\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">These questions are understandable, and the longing is profound. However, they are <u>misdirected<\/u>. Until one chooses to <strong>value oneself<\/strong>\u2014building inner self-worth\u2014a healthy relationship cannot be achieved. Instead, it will remain a <strong>dependency<\/strong>, with something constantly expected from the outside. Powerful <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/15-keys-heal-empaths-empathic-narcissistic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>keys for empaths to move on<\/u><\/b><\/a> after such a relationship can be found <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/15-keys-heal-empaths-empathic-narcissistic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>in this article<\/u><\/b><\/a>.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">In many cases, particularly for the empathically inclined, self-worth was gradually replaced with external affirmation and appreciation. This often leads to feeling unable to stand alone. At this point, the fear of addressing one\u2019s <strong>self-worth issues<\/strong> and underlying <strong>patterns<\/strong> is substantial.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">But here lies the key to <strong>disrupting the pattern<\/strong> and breaking the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narciss-attract-8-core-conflict\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><u>magnetic pull<\/u><\/strong><\/a>\u2014one of the doors to <strong>personal freedom<\/strong>.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">I hope this article provides you with greater clarity and aids in your journey toward <strong>self-empowerment<\/strong>. I wish you much success and all the best on your path! I greatly appreciate <strong>feedback, recommendations, reviews, comments<\/strong>, and <strong>sharing the article<\/strong> with others!<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">Namast\u00e9 and all the love,<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">Your Kristina<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-23920811 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"23920811\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-11889593\" data-id=\"11889593\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-048a467 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"048a467\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Invitation<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-326dac5 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"326dac5\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re considering being accompanied through the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/mirror-process-inner-universe\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>mirror process of inner work<\/strong><\/span><\/a>, you can book a <a href=\"https:\/\/psysoulogy.youcanbook.me\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>free preliminary talk in my booking calendar<\/u><\/b><\/a> at the top right of this page or below this entry.\n\n<span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">The <\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">model assumptions<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\"> are based on years of professional<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">observation<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, personal<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">experience<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, and knowledge from<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">psychoanalysis, psychodynamics, and developmental psychology<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">. For more information, please refer to the<\/span> <a style=\"text-decoration-line: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/copyright\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">Copyright<\/span><\/a><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\"> notice. The articles, including assumptions and hypotheses, may be<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">shared freely<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, but please always provide<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">attribution\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">(my name and the website).<\/span>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Overview Introduction The articles on individual conflicts are based on a\u00a0basic article for this series,\u00a0which you should ideally read first.In summary: We all carry conflicts within us that create tension and possibly even fear. When we become aware of these conflicts, we can choose how to address them. Through honesty and self-reflection, we can foster [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12428,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_glsr_average":0,"_glsr_ranking":0,"_glsr_reviews":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[857],"tags":[944,976,984,978,986,985,958,892,975,983,966],"class_list":["post-12794","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-toxic-relationships","tag-boundaries","tag-conflict-resolution","tag-coping-mechanisms","tag-emotional-abuse","tag-healing-from-trauma","tag-identity-issues","tag-personal-growth","tag-relationship-dynamics","tag-self-esteem","tag-self-worth","tag-toxic-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12794","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12794"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12794\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12428"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12794"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12794"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12794"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}