{"id":12788,"date":"2019-01-01T07:58:01","date_gmt":"2019-01-01T06:58:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/2-conflicts-of-empathic-narcissistic-magnetism-individuation-vs-dependency\/"},"modified":"2024-10-31T19:24:45","modified_gmt":"2024-10-31T18:24:45","slug":"2-toxic-relationship-indiv-dependency","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/2-toxic-relationship-indiv-dependency\/","title":{"rendered":"#2 Core Conflicts of toxic relationships | Individuation vs. dependency"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"12788\" class=\"elementor elementor-12788 elementor-3160\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-d552632 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"d552632\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-3d8d815\" data-id=\"3d8d815\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-d10883b elementor-toc--minimized-on-tablet elementor-widget elementor-widget-table-of-contents\" data-id=\"d10883b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;headings_by_tags&quot;:[&quot;h3&quot;],&quot;exclude_headings_by_selector&quot;:[],&quot;marker_view&quot;:&quot;numbers&quot;,&quot;no_headings_message&quot;:&quot;No headings were found on this page.&quot;,&quot;minimize_box&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;,&quot;minimized_on&quot;:&quot;tablet&quot;,&quot;hierarchical_view&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;,&quot;min_height&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;min_height_tablet&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;min_height_mobile&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]}}\" data-widget_type=\"table-of-contents.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__header\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<h4 class=\"elementor-toc__header-title\">\n\t\t\t\tOverview\t\t\t<\/h4>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__toggle-button elementor-toc__toggle-button--expand\" role=\"button\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-controls=\"elementor-toc__d10883b\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-label=\"Open table of contents\"><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-chevron-down\"><\/i><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__toggle-button elementor-toc__toggle-button--collapse\" role=\"button\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-controls=\"elementor-toc__d10883b\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-label=\"Close table of contents\"><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-chevron-up\"><\/i><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div id=\"elementor-toc__d10883b\" class=\"elementor-toc__body\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__spinner-container\">\n\t\t\t\t<i class=\"elementor-toc__spinner eicon-animation-spin eicon-loading\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><\/i>\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c0eccd6 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"c0eccd6\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Introduction<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f499a82 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"f499a82\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Before reading this article, please take a moment to read the\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narcissistic-conflicts\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\"><u>introductory article in this series<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0for some <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">essential background knowledge<\/span>. This will help make the concepts discussed here easier to understand.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-35594d1 elementor-grid-1 elementor-grid-tablet-1 elementor-grid-mobile-1 elementor-posts--thumbnail-top elementor-card-shadow-yes elementor-posts__hover-gradient elementor-widget elementor-widget-posts\" data-id=\"35594d1\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;pagination_type&quot;:&quot;numbers_and_prev_next&quot;,&quot;cards_columns&quot;:&quot;1&quot;,&quot;cards_row_gap&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:50,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;cards_columns_tablet&quot;:&quot;1&quot;,&quot;cards_columns_mobile&quot;:&quot;1&quot;,&quot;cards_row_gap_tablet&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;cards_row_gap_mobile&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]}}\" data-widget_type=\"posts.cards\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-posts-container elementor-posts elementor-posts--skin-cards elementor-grid\" role=\"list\">\n\t\t\t\t<article class=\"elementor-post elementor-grid-item post-12821 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-toxic-relationships tag-conflict-resolution tag-core-conflicts tag-emotional-dependency tag-emotional-manipulation tag-empath-and-narcissist-attraction tag-empathy tag-healing-from-trauma tag-narcissistic-behavior tag-personal-boundaries tag-relationship-dynamics tag-self-awareness tag-toxic-relationships\" role=\"listitem\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-post__card\">\n\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-post__thumbnail__link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narciss-attract-8-core-conflict\/\" tabindex=\"-1\" ><div class=\"elementor-post__thumbnail\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"575\" src=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/basis_empath_narz.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full wp-image-12411\" alt=\"narcis empath\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/basis_empath_narz.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/basis_empath_narz-300x168.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/basis_empath_narz-600x337.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/basis_empath_narz-768x431.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/div><\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-post__badge\">TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-post__text\">\n\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-post__title\">\n\t\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narciss-attract-8-core-conflict\/\" >\n\t\t\t\t#1 Empathic-Narcissistic Attraction | 8 Common core conflicts\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t<\/h2>\n\t\t\n\t\t<a class=\"elementor-post__read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narciss-attract-8-core-conflict\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about #1 Empathic-Narcissistic Attraction | 8 Common core conflicts\" tabindex=\"-1\" >\n\t\t\tread more \u00bb\t\t<\/a>\n\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-post__meta-data\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-post-date\">\n\t\t\t23. November 2018\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/article>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3f53cba elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"3f53cba\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">In summary, we <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bold;\">all<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> carry certain <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bold;\">inner conflicts<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> \u2014 conflicting needs, feelings, and intentions. Sometimes, this creates <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bold;\">tension<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">, maybe even <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bold;\">anxiety<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">. This is normal, especially when we are <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bold;\">aware of<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> these conflicts. In such cases, we can choose whether to <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bold;\">work through<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> these conflicts within ourselves, perhaps even <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bold;\">resolve<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> them gradually, allowing us to better <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bold;\">integrate<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>But what happens when we are <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\"><u>unaware<\/u><\/span> of these conflicts? Even then, inner tension builds (as psychoanalysis suggests), yet we may not fully understand where the tension, restlessness, or anxiety is coming from.<\/p>\n<p>And what if we <u>remain <\/u><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\"><u>blind<\/u> to<\/span> these inner conflicts, but keep attracting people with similar issues into our lives \u2014 people who carry the <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">same inner struggle<\/span> but try to handle it in a way that opposes our own?<\/p>\n<p>The <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">opposite approach to conflict resolution<\/span> we see in others often pulls us in. We\u2019re <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">drawn to<\/span> people who manage their inner conflict in ways that feel taboo, forbidden, or threatening to us. Their way of handling it can seem almost <b>exotic<\/b>, which sparks our curiosity and attraction.<br \/>Sometimes, these are behaviors we deny ourselves, things we feel we <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">can&#8217;t<\/span> or <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">shouldn\u2019t<\/span> allow ourselves. Take a moment to check for yourself.<\/p>\n<p>At the same time, the other person may repeatedly <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">trigger<\/span> this inner conflict within us. Because in essence, they live out the <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">very things that frighten us<\/span> or create inner tension.<br \/>This pattern becomes problematic when we\u2019re <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">unaware<\/span> of these processes and conflicts, often finding ourselves in relationships where this <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">conflict pattern<\/span> recurs.<br \/>The result is <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">ongoing arguments<\/span> where we try to work out these conflicts on the surface without having first consciously <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">resolved them internally<\/span>.<br \/>Because it\u2019s unclear why resolution remains elusive, the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/10-points-on-empaths-challenges-self-care\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><u><b>empathic person<\/b><\/u><\/a> in this relationship tends to experience persistent anxiety, tension, confusion, and exhaustion. Ending up in a permanent state of being overwhelmed and stressed. You could name that an\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/10-steps-empathic-overload\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><u>empathic stress loop<\/u><\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s why this series of articles exists &#8211; <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">for you<\/span>!<br \/>Before you read further: This article focuses not on <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">individual differences<\/span> but on <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">unconscious conflicts<\/span> within the context of\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/11-toxic-empathic-narcissistic-relationship\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\"><u>empathic-narcissistic dynamics<\/u><\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">There are those who lean toward <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bold;\">affection<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> and others toward <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bold;\">independence<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">. This diversity can be a <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bold;\">wonderful complement<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> to life! We are all entitled to express these <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bold;\">aspects of individuality<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Nothing is inherently problematic about it! If the opposing aspect of our behavior doesn\u2019t provoke <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">existential anxiety<\/span> and <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">inner tension<\/span> on an <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">unconscious level<\/span>, it doesn\u2019t necessarily indicate a conflict!<\/p>\n<p>But it <b><u>can<\/u><\/b>. And that\u00b4s where we\u00a0take a closer look at the first core conflict of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empath-narcissist-key-toxic-relationships\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>toxic relationships<\/u><\/b><\/a>.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-effcadb elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"effcadb\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Conflict | <b>individuation<\/b> vs. <b>dependency<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f29395f elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"f29395f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Once again, let&#8217;s start from the beginning: The underlying conflict within the individuals involved is the same \u2014 <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">individuation vs. dependency<\/span>. However, in an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/11-toxic-empathic-narcissistic-relationship\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><u><b>empathic-narcissistic relationship dynamic<\/b><\/u><\/a>\u00a0(= toxic relationship), each partner employs an opposing <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">coping mode<\/span> to avoid experiencing the <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">anxiety<\/span> associated with this inner conflict.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>One partner may display a more <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">active coping<\/span> approach (individuation), while the other operates on the <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">passive side<\/span> (dependency) of the continuum.<\/p>\n<p>In <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">passive mode (dependency)<\/span>, <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">close relationships<\/span> and <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">proximity<\/span> are central, sometimes at any cost. The person in passive coping mode often feels <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">helpless<\/span>. Emotionally, <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">existential fears of loss, separation<\/span>, and <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">loneliness<\/span> can frequently resurface, deeply influencing their experiences.<br \/>In interactions, these partners may send signals or messages like, <i>\u201cWithout you, I am nothing\u201d<\/i> or <i>\u201cI need you!\u201d<\/i> Their counterpart often responds with <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">concern<\/span> and a <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">sense of responsibility<\/span>. Yet over time, this can lead to <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">fears<\/span> of being overwhelmed or <i>\u201ctaken over<\/i>\u201d by the passive mode.<\/p>\n<p>The <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">active mode (individuation)<\/span>, in contrast, is marked by an emphasis on <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">emotional<\/span> and <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">existential independence<\/span> as well as a strong sense of <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">detachment<\/span>. Individuals in this mode usually perceive themselves as <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">very strong<\/span>. However, they too experience <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">existential fears<\/span>, especially the <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">fear of closeness, merging<\/span>, and <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">being absorbed<\/span> by others.<br \/>Their partner in the passive mode often perceives <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">indifference<\/span> in their interactions and may feel that there is <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">no genuine relationship<\/span> concern on the part of the active mode.<br \/>Thus, relationship partners in the active mode tend to feel little <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">need for care<\/span>, sometimes leading to feelings of <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">rejection<\/span> or <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">concern<\/span> on the part of the passive mode partner.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4bfc729 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"4bfc729\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Individuation vs. dependency<b> <\/b>in <b>toxic <\/b>relationships<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-68b13bc elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"68b13bc\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>As mentioned in the article on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-between-love-and-dependency\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\"><u>empathic wound<\/u><\/span><\/a>, highly sensitive people may come to believe they <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">need<\/span> a close person to help regulate their emotions. In my view, the <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">empathically wounded person<\/span> is more likely to fall into the <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">passive mode<\/span> (although there are always exceptions). This message, &#8220;Without you, I&#8217;m nothing!&#8221; can feel very gratifying to the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/causes-and-effects-of-the-narcissistic-wound\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\"><u>narcissistic person<\/u><\/span><\/a> (active mode), affirming their <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">self-perception of strength<\/span>.<\/p>\n<p>This includes the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-between-love-and-dependency\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\"><u>empathic ideal of love<\/u><\/span><\/a>, which operates with an <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">absolute, unconditional promise<\/span>\u2014entering the relationship under the banner of love. For the narcissistic <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/causes-and-effects-of-the-narcissistic-wound\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\"><u>partner<\/u><\/span><\/a>, this often means security and <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">control<\/span>.<br \/>The <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-between-love-and-dependency\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\"><u>empathically wounded person<\/u><\/span><\/a> may have been frustrated early in their need for healthy individuation (often their own values are unclear or suppressed), while the <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\"><u>narcissistically wounded<\/u><\/span> may lack a foundation of <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">healthy dependence<\/span>.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-870ed65 elementor-grid-1 elementor-grid-tablet-1 elementor-grid-mobile-1 elementor-posts--thumbnail-top elementor-card-shadow-yes elementor-posts__hover-gradient elementor-widget elementor-widget-posts\" data-id=\"870ed65\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;pagination_type&quot;:&quot;numbers_and_prev_next&quot;,&quot;cards_columns&quot;:&quot;1&quot;,&quot;cards_row_gap&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:50,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;cards_columns_tablet&quot;:&quot;1&quot;,&quot;cards_columns_mobile&quot;:&quot;1&quot;,&quot;cards_row_gap_tablet&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;cards_row_gap_mobile&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]}}\" data-widget_type=\"posts.cards\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-posts-container elementor-posts elementor-posts--skin-cards elementor-grid\" role=\"list\">\n\t\t\t\t<article class=\"elementor-post elementor-grid-item post-12828 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-toxic-relationships tag-aufrichtigkeit tag-boundaries tag-coping-mechanisms tag-emotional-intelligence tag-empathic-relationships tag-empathy-development tag-healing-empaths tag-healthy-boundaries tag-mental-wellness tag-narcissistic-dynamics tag-personal-growth tag-self-healing-techniques tag-setting-boundaries tag-sincerity\" role=\"listitem\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-post__card\">\n\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-post__thumbnail__link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/15-keys-heal-empaths-empathic-narcissistic\/\" tabindex=\"-1\" ><div class=\"elementor-post__thumbnail\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"575\" src=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/15_tipps_empath.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full wp-image-12392\" alt=\"empath\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/15_tipps_empath.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/15_tipps_empath-300x168.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/15_tipps_empath-600x337.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/15_tipps_empath-768x431.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/div><\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-post__badge\">TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-post__text\">\n\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-post__title\">\n\t\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/15-keys-heal-empaths-empathic-narcissistic\/\" >\n\t\t\t\t15 keys to heal for empaths after an empathic-narcissistic relationship\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t<\/h2>\n\t\t\n\t\t<a class=\"elementor-post__read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/15-keys-heal-empaths-empathic-narcissistic\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about 15 keys to heal for empaths after an empathic-narcissistic relationship\" tabindex=\"-1\" >\n\t\t\tread more \u00bb\t\t<\/a>\n\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-post__meta-data\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-post-date\">\n\t\t\t10. May 2018\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/article>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-093a4b6 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"093a4b6\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>In both cases, their <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">identity<\/span> has been challenged. It\u2019s likely that expressing individual <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">needs<\/span> was once associated with <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">threatening consequences<\/span>\u2014creating <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">taboos<\/span> that evoke fear.<\/p>\n<p>Within a relationship, both initially experience a strong <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">familiarity<\/span> (stemming from their unconscious conflict) and feel fascinated by each other, discovering the <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">reflection of their own unmet, unconscious desires<\/span> in each other (the opposing modes). There\u2019s both familiarity and <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">attraction<\/span>. A \u201ckey and lock\u201d effect.<\/p>\n<p>Over time, unresolved <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">inner conflicts<\/span> lead to repeated <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">quarrels<\/span> (<i>\u201cHow can you be like this?\u201d<\/i>). What we <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">fear<\/span> and think we cannot handle within ourselves, we try to <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">fight externally<\/span> to make it disappear\u2014until we find a way to <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">integrate<\/span> it lovingly into our own sense of self.<br \/>For this reason, I don\u2019t believe in simply blaming the <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">&#8220;evil narcissist&#8221;<\/span>. Pointing fingers or assigning <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">blame<\/span> keeps us from recognizing <u>our own <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">sore spots<\/span><\/u> and from understanding the <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">magnetic pole<\/span> that drives this <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narciss-attract-8-core-conflict\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>empathic-narcissistic attraction<\/u><\/b><\/a> within ourselves. Only through self-reflection can we find <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">reconciliation<\/span>.<\/p>\n<p>As long as our <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">gaze<\/span> is focused on the <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">other<\/span>, we overlook ourselves\u2014and within our <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/mirror-process-inner-universe\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>inner universe<\/u><\/b><\/a> lies the only real source of change. Perhaps it helps to ask, <i>&#8220;Why am I reacting this way? What am I afraid of?&#8221;<\/i><br \/>This doesn\u2019t mean the empathic person is to blame or must <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">change<\/span>.<\/p>\n<p>On the contrary, I believe <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/10-points-on-empaths-challenges-self-care\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>the empathic person<\/u><\/b><\/a> is already on the right path. It\u2019s only a matter of saying a <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">clear yes to<\/span> oneself also, embracing the <b><u>own<\/u><\/b> beautiful individuality. Including every aspect that still waits to be <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">embraced<\/span>. Empathic people often fall into the trap of <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">self-improvement<\/span>: <i>&#8220;I need to take this course, learn this concept, apply that idea, then I&#8217;ll\u2026&#8221;<\/i>.<br \/>In this constant <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">pursuit of self-optimization<\/span>, they often assume they\u2019re <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">not<\/span> (yet) <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">good enough<\/span>\u00a0and therefore <u>unconsciously <b>reject themselves<\/b><\/u>. But there\u2019s nothing to change\u2014only to <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">recognize<\/span>, <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">embrace<\/span>, and <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">affirm<\/span>.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-16f3c06 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"16f3c06\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-318cfb4\" data-id=\"318cfb4\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-036662a elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"036662a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Example |<b> Individuation <\/b>vs.<b> dependency <\/b>in a toxic relationship<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-d1e6e3c elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"d1e6e3c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">Here you\u00b4ll find the <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif;\"><b><u>example<\/u><\/b><\/span><span style=\"font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\"> you may already know from the basic article of this series:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><em style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text ); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">Stefanie had a very dominant mother, so she often had to put her own wishes and <b>needs<\/b> aside. Sensing her mother\u2019s needs was crucial for emotional survival (cf. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/high-sensitivity-and-the-empathic-wound-between-unconditional-love-and-dependence\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong>empathic imprinting<\/strong><\/a>). This left her with little chance to grow as an <strong>individual<\/strong> and develop <strong>independence<\/strong>. Her self-image is now that of a <strong>modest<\/strong>, <strong>empathetic<\/strong>, and <strong>considerate woman<\/strong>, focused on others\u2019 needs.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Her friend Viktor, however, is <strong>independent<\/strong> with many interests and usually <strong>does his own thing<\/strong> without attending to others\u2019 needs. Due to his <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/causes-consequence-narcissis-narcissistic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong>narcissistic imprinting<\/strong><\/a>, he learned early that <b>attachment<\/b> often leads to <b>pain<\/b> and is therefore <strong>risky<\/strong>. He was frequently told that \u201creal boys don\u2019t cry,\u201d making his inner world the only safe place for him, where he alone matters, and hurtful feedback from others <strong>cannot reach him<\/strong>. His goal is independence.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Stefanie and Viktor share the <strong>same conflict<\/strong>: <strong>individuation vs. dependency<\/strong>. Each of them manages this in <strong>different ways<\/strong> when it comes to relationships. Both feel <strong>fear<\/strong> when encountering the other\u2019s mode. Viktor deals with this conflict <strong>actively<\/strong> (individuation), while Stefanie does so <strong>passively<\/strong> (dependency).<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>A typical situation in their undefined relationship could be: Viktor plans to go sailing with friends without Stefanie. Stefanie could now consider her own (previously repressed and unconscious) <b>needs for autonomy<\/b> and decide to take her own trip (moving towards individuation).<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Such steps would be <strong>new<\/strong> for her and thus <strong>scary<\/strong>. Viktor\u2019s trip sparks a <strong>longing<\/strong> in her, yet it\u2019s also <strong>scary<\/strong> due to past hardships. She feels her <strong>conflict<\/strong> and <strong>fear<\/strong>. Instead of pursuing her own independence, she worries about <strong>losing his attention<\/strong> and having to face the <b>fear of loss<\/b> alone (dependency).<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Stefanie tells herself (consciously) that she <strong>supports<\/strong> Viktor\u2019s trip and doesn\u2019t want to hold him back (&#8220;this is who I am&#8221; &#8211; self-image). Subconsciously, though, she feels <strong>envy<\/strong> and <strong>anger<\/strong> about him taking the trip alone. This awakens <strong>old needs<\/strong> blocked by her past conditioning (toward individuation). She feels <strong>anxiety<\/strong> and <strong>tension<\/strong>. To protect her <strong>self-image<\/strong> and avoid facing her <b>conflict<\/b>, she deflects by blaming herself for her <strong>envy<\/strong> and <strong>anger<\/strong> (self-criticism). To keep her self-image intact, she overly encourages Viktor to take the trip (<a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Reaction_formation\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><u>reaction formation<\/u><\/strong><\/a>).<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>She may <strong>not be fully aware of<\/strong> these feelings and may even feel <strong>ashamed<\/strong> (dependency). She also fears an <strong>argument<\/strong> or even a <strong>breakup<\/strong> if she expresses her needs openly, since she knows that Viktor would feel restricted. Instead, she remains in <u>passive<\/u> mode (dependency), indirectly reinforcing Viktor\u2019s <u>active<\/u> mode. Thus, the <strong><u>balance<\/u> between individuation and dependency<\/strong> is maintained <u>externally<\/u>, though neither of them resolves the conflict internally.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>That evening, Stefanie\u00b4s body responds to inner tension with a migraine. Viktor, reluctantly, sits with her instead of packing for his trip. Stefanie gets his <strong>attention<\/strong> and can keep her <strong>self-image<\/strong>. She still encourages Viktor to go on the trip, while he feels <strong>constricted<\/strong> and experiences (unconscious) <strong>fear<\/strong> (of closeness and dependency), along with <u>anger<\/u> at feeling hindered in pursuing his independence. He is relieved once he leaves from her and &#8211; does not contact her throughout his trip.<\/em><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2d226df elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"2d226df\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>On my\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UC0ZQtgkNHcBJ7fs5hUwINAw?view_as=subscriber\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><u>YouTube channel<\/u><\/strong><\/a>\u00a0you can find <u>further (german) videos about <a href=\"https:\/\/de.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Abwehrmechanismus\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong>defense mechanisms<\/strong><\/a><\/u>. You may use them with auto-generated subtitles in your language.\u00a0<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5a708f4 elementor-widget__width-initial elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"5a708f4\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;youtube_url&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/www.youtube.com\\\/watch?v=ZP9xP5X2bOw&amp;list=PLWpoC6wrklUev4fXMyDKV_Twe2OfsrTYI&quot;,&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;youtube&quot;,&quot;controls&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-video\"><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-31e8786c elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"31e8786c\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-3560f2f2\" data-id=\"3560f2f2\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-6190fcf elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"6190fcf\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Finding <b>balance<\/b> | Leaving <b>dependency <\/b>&amp; toxic relationships<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2563f25 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"2563f25\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>The articles I write aren\u2019t meant to be universally valid. It\u2019s up to <strong>you<\/strong> alone to decide if you relate to them and can find something valuable for yourself.<\/p><p>If you recognize yourself in some aspects and feel that <strong>individuation<\/strong> is challenging, or even frightening, you may now be able to address this inner conflict more effectively using the insights from this article, as well as the article on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/high-sensitivity-and-the-empathic-wound-between-unconditional-love-and-dependence\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>empathic wound<\/strong><\/span><\/a>. If this has increased your <strong>awareness<\/strong> even slightly \u2013 congratulations! That&#8217;s more than half the battle! <br \/>This process is less about making concrete changes (though they can happen) and more about <u>raising <strong>awareness<\/strong><\/u> of when this conflict arises in you and <strong>accepting<\/strong> it! <strong>What<\/strong>\u00a0makes\u00a0your <strong>fears<\/strong>\u00a0surface at <b>what moment<\/b>? Can you acknowledge those fears without letting them take over?<\/p><p>Perhaps reading this article has already brought you <strong>closer to yourself<\/strong>. Only when you\u2019re <strong>aware<\/strong> of something can you steer it and avoid unnecessary <strong>confusion<\/strong>.<\/p><p>If you\u2019re ready to face the challenge of balancing <strong>individuation vs. dependency<\/strong> in your life, consider trying the following: Nurture your <b>individuality<\/b> and independence. This will shift you away from the <strong>passive mode<\/strong> and closer to your core. It\u2019s not about slipping into an <strong>active mode<\/strong> where dependence is <strong>rejected<\/strong>; rather, <strong>healthy dependence<\/strong> is what makes relationships possible. This is something you already possess within you. You can strengthen your active mode by placing <strong>self-responsibility<\/strong> at the <strong>center<\/strong> of your life, moving towards a more balanced existence.<\/p><p>Is there something you\u2019ve always wanted to do but haven\u2019t because of others? Do you have an adventurous idea but feel held back by fear? Or maybe there\u2019s a creative expression you\u2019d love to explore, something simply for the joy of it? <strong>Go for it!<\/strong><\/p><p>Many empathic individuals hear that they\u2019re <strong>selfish<\/strong> when they prioritize themselves. Yet, I encourage you to replace <strong>selfishness<\/strong> with <strong>self-love<\/strong>. It\u2019s not selfish to care for yourself and <strong>express who you are<\/strong>. This is <strong>self-love<\/strong>, the <strong>foundation<\/strong> for love and <strong>compassion<\/strong> for others! As such, I want to make one thing clear at the end of this article: <u>don\u2019t let others accuse you of selfishness if you\u2019re acting out of self-love<\/u>!<\/p><p>Often, the <strong>environment<\/strong> or <strong>partners<\/strong> of empathic individuals have become so accustomed to the empath <strong>withdrawing<\/strong> that they resist when the empath retains their energy and individuates. They may not want this to change. They don\u2019t want the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/15-keys-heal-empaths-empathic-narcissistic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>empathic person<\/strong><\/span><\/a> to take care of themselves, pursue their dreams, or redirect their energy. <br \/>Consciously or unconsciously, those around you may have come to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/energy-vampirism-how-to-protect-energy\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><u><b>rely on your energy<\/b><\/u><\/a> to maintain relationships, family systems, or friendships without investing their share. And so they might resort to labeling your self-care as <strong>egoism<\/strong> to hold you back.<\/p><p>Because your self-love would mean they, too, would need to contribute <strong>their part<\/strong> to these connections. Interaction always requires at least two people. As long as you carry the load, they can stay comfortable (you can also read more on this in my article about <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/energy-vampirism-how-to-protect-energy\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> <strong><u>Energy Vampirism<\/u><\/strong><\/a>).<\/p><p>Additionally, <b><u><a href=\"https:\/\/www.exit-gaslighting.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">my book<\/a><\/u><\/b> serves as an incredible guide. It gathers <u>all mechanisms of toxic relationships<\/u> in one <b>comprehensive work<\/b>, including steps for <b>leaving<\/b> these dynamics!<\/p><p>Believe me \u2013 you hold an incredible amount of <strong>energy<\/strong> within you, and a <strong>loving quality<\/strong> you might not yet fully recognize. Can you see that this energy is <strong>primarily for you<\/strong>? Otherwise, it wouldn\u2019t be within you. This energy is meant to support your life\u2019s journey and help you <strong>unfold<\/strong> your path. It empowers you to <strong>do what you love<\/strong> and <strong>what strengthens you<\/strong>. <strong>Put yourself first<\/strong>! Not second.<\/p><p>Then, you can <strong>overflow<\/strong> and share what\u2019s been <strong>given<\/strong> to you and what you\u2019ve <strong>created<\/strong> \u2013 like a vessel that\u2019s now full \u2013 and <strong>in abundance<\/strong>. Because you\u2019ve learned to fill and value yourself. This is a <strong>step towards individuation<\/strong>.<\/p><p>I hope this article has helped you on your path towards <strong>self-empowerment<\/strong>. I wish you <strong>great success<\/strong> on your journey and <strong>all the love<\/strong>!<\/p><p>Namast\u00e9,<br \/><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">Yours, Kristina<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-1fb94d1 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"1fb94d1\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;,&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-006c2e8\" data-id=\"006c2e8\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-273e747 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"273e747\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Invitation<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-88f17d5 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"88f17d5\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re considering being accompanied through the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/mirror-process-inner-universe\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>mirror process of inner work<\/strong><\/span><\/a>, you can book a <a href=\"https:\/\/psysoulogy.youcanbook.me\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>free preliminary talk in my booking calendar<\/u><\/b><\/a> at the top right of this page or below this entry.\n\n<span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">The <\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">model assumptions<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\"> are based on years of professional<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">observation<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, personal<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">experience<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, and knowledge from<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">psychoanalysis, psychodynamics, and developmental psychology<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">. For more information, please refer to the<\/span> <a style=\"text-decoration-line: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/copyright\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">Copyright<\/span><\/a><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\"> notice. The articles, including assumptions and hypotheses, may be<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">shared freely<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, but please always provide<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">attribution\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">(my name and the website).<\/span>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Overview Introduction Before reading this article, please take a moment to read the\u00a0introductory article in this series\u00a0for some essential background knowledge. This will help make<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12413,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_glsr_average":0,"_glsr_ranking":0,"_glsr_reviews":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[857],"tags":[1005,944,1008,860,1006,1009,960,1007,958,892,975,966],"class_list":["post-12788","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-toxic-relationships","tag-assertiveness","tag-boundaries","tag-codependency","tag-dependency","tag-emotional-reliance","tag-empowerment","tag-healing","tag-individual-autonomy","tag-personal-growth","tag-relationship-dynamics","tag-self-esteem","tag-toxic-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12788","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12788"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12788\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12413"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12788"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12788"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12788"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}