{"id":12779,"date":"2019-02-17T15:30:21","date_gmt":"2019-02-17T14:30:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/3-conflicts-of-empathic-narcissistic-magnetism-submission-vs-control\/"},"modified":"2024-10-31T19:23:57","modified_gmt":"2024-10-31T18:23:57","slug":"3-conflict-toxic-relation-submiss-control","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/3-conflict-toxic-relation-submiss-control\/","title":{"rendered":"#3 Core Conflicts of toxic relationships | Submission vs. control"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"12779\" class=\"elementor elementor-12779 elementor-3266\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-6418d21 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"6418d21\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-d4a2893\" data-id=\"d4a2893\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f0fb536 elementor-toc--minimized-on-tablet elementor-widget elementor-widget-table-of-contents\" data-id=\"f0fb536\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;headings_by_tags&quot;:[&quot;h3&quot;],&quot;exclude_headings_by_selector&quot;:[],&quot;marker_view&quot;:&quot;numbers&quot;,&quot;no_headings_message&quot;:&quot;No headings were found on this page.&quot;,&quot;minimize_box&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;,&quot;minimized_on&quot;:&quot;tablet&quot;,&quot;hierarchical_view&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;,&quot;min_height&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;min_height_tablet&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;min_height_mobile&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]}}\" data-widget_type=\"table-of-contents.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__header\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<h4 class=\"elementor-toc__header-title\">\n\t\t\t\tOverview\t\t\t<\/h4>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__toggle-button elementor-toc__toggle-button--expand\" role=\"button\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-controls=\"elementor-toc__f0fb536\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-label=\"Open table of contents\"><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-chevron-down\"><\/i><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__toggle-button elementor-toc__toggle-button--collapse\" role=\"button\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-controls=\"elementor-toc__f0fb536\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-label=\"Close table of contents\"><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-chevron-up\"><\/i><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div id=\"elementor-toc__f0fb536\" class=\"elementor-toc__body\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__spinner-container\">\n\t\t\t\t<i class=\"elementor-toc__spinner eicon-animation-spin eicon-loading\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><\/i>\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-63e395c elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"63e395c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Introduction<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-ea263d4 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"ea263d4\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Before diving into this article, make sure to read the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narcissistic-8-conflicts\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>introductory article of this series<\/u><\/span><\/a> and the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narcissistic-dependence-individuation\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>article on the first conflict (individuation vs. dependence).<\/u><\/span><\/a> These pieces provide essential background information that will help you better understand the themes covered here.<\/p><p>This article doesn\u2019t focus on <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">individual personality traits<\/span> but rather on the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">unconscious conflicts<\/span> that arise within <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/toxic-empathic-narcissistic-relationship\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>empathic-narcissistic dynamics.<\/u><\/span><\/a><\/p><p>Some people are naturally more inclined to <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">adapt and compromise<\/span>, while others prefer to <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">take the lead<\/span>. This is part of the beautiful diversity of human behavior and can be a <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">wonderful complement<\/span> in relationships. The purpose of this article series is not to criticize these <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">unique aspects of our individuality<\/span>, but rather to explore them sincerely and, where possible, <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">integrate<\/span> aspects we may reject, view as foreign, or, perhaps subconsciously, even <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">long for.<\/span><\/p><p>Now, let\u2019s move on to the conflict at hand.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a02062e elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"a02062e\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Conflict | <b>Submission<\/b> vs. <b>Control<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-9b44af0 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"9b44af0\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>For a general understanding, both partners in the relationship experience the same conflict \u2014 <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">submission vs. control<\/span>. The difference lies only in how each partner manages this conflict. In the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/toxic-empathic-narcissistic-relationship\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>empathic-narcissistic relationship dynamic<\/u><\/span><\/a>, the partner with a more <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/causes-and-effects-of-the-narcissistic-wound\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>narcissistic energy<\/u><\/span><\/a> usually adopts an <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">active coping mode<\/span> (control), whereas the partner with an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-between-love-and-dependence\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>empathic coping style<\/u><\/span><\/a> often defaults to the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">passive mode<\/span> (submission). However, this dynamic can also be reversed.<\/p><p>Both modes serve \u2014 as with all inner conflicts \u2014 to avoid confronting the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">anxiety<\/span> associated with them, making these behaviors a form of <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">unconscious coping<\/span>.<\/p><p>The <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">passive mode (submission)<\/span> is often characterized by excessive <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">conformity<\/span> and <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">subordination<\/span>. However, <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">passive-aggressive<\/span> behaviors may also appear in subordination (e.g., defiance or unspoken resentment). <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">Emotionally<\/span>, those in passive mode often experience <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">impotent anger<\/span>, along with <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">shame<\/span> and <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">fear<\/span>. For the partner of someone in a submissive mode, there can be a sense of <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">underlying annoyance<\/span> (<i>&#8220;I adapt, but actually, this doesn\u2019t feel right&#8221;<\/i>).<\/p><p>The partner may react to the mode of <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">submission<\/span> with <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">anger<\/span> or feel a heightened urge to exert <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">dominance<\/span> over the passive individual.<\/p><p>A person in <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">active mode<\/span>, by contrast, tends to seek <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">control<\/span>. <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">Emotionally<\/span>, this can be characterized by feelings of <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">defiant aggression<\/span>, a <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">lust for power<\/span>, and frequent <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">anger<\/span> and <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">irritation<\/span>, often coupled with a <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">fear of losing power<\/span>. This can cause the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">other person<\/span> to feel both <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">fear of being controlled<\/span> and an <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">impulse to angrily resist<\/span>.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5c881ff elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"5c881ff\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Submission<\/b> vs. <b>control<\/b> in<b> toxic<\/b> <b>relationships<\/b><br><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5ce2a52 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"5ce2a52\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\">Read the article on the\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-wound-between-love-and-dependency\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>empathic wound<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0and learn how, through an early-acquired adaptation program focused on others\u2019 needs, an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/10-points-on-empaths-challenges-self-care\/\"><b><u>empathic person<\/u><\/b><\/a> may <u>struggle to maintain awareness of their own <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">wants and needs<\/span><\/u>. Their desires may even feel <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">threatening<\/span>. Recognizing, feeling, and <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">expressing inner experiences<\/span> can incite intense <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">fear<\/span>\u2014the fear of losing valuable <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">caregivers<\/span> or their support. Beneath this, there lies a belief that <u><b>emotional survival<\/b> is dependent on fulfilling others\u2019 needs<\/u>.<\/p><p class=\"western\">If <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">anger or frustration<\/span> arises, empathic individuals may feel these emotions but often <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">suppress<\/span> them out of <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">fear<\/span>. Locked away, these feelings may also bring up feelings of <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">shame<\/span> over experiencing anger or resentment.<\/p><p class=\"western\">Thus, <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">clear boundaries<\/span> with others are often missing, and internally, there is little chance to integrate these emotions healthily. Repressed feelings can sometimes manifest through <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">passive-aggressive<\/span> behavior.<\/p><p class=\"western\">The <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">ideal of love<\/span>, often formed by early attachment experiences, may not permit these feelings. <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">Passive submission<\/span> can align with an individual\u2019s <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">self-image<\/span> according to the ideal (<i>\u201cI should be like this\u201d<\/i>). Here, submission may feel <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">safe<\/span>. Yet <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">anger and frustration<\/span> are natural. Empathic conditioning can lead to accumulated anger, as <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">continued submission<\/span> fuels more resentment.<\/p><p class=\"western\">This unprocessed anger can lead to <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">passive-aggressive<\/span> behaviors, increased <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">frustration<\/span> (even depression), and a sense of <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">helplessness<\/span> or identification with a victim role.<\/p><p class=\"western\">On the side of individuals with\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/narcissistic-wound-causes-and-effects\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>narcissistic imprinting<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0(active mode), the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">self-image<\/span> is often <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">shielded<\/span> from external threats. Support is built from within, relying on <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">control<\/span>\u2014filtering <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">threatening feelings<\/span> from within and outside, which can result in <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">persistent tension<\/span>.<br \/><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">Externally, <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">dominant behaviors<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> and <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">manipulation<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> may emerge, aimed at shaping situations to prevent perceived threats. This external control acts as a <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">protection strategy<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">.\u00a0<br \/><\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">In contrast to the passive mode, those in the <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">active mode<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> fear <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">submission<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">\u2014fear of <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">losing power<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">. If control fails, <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">fear<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> can quickly turn into <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">anger<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> and prompt <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">aggressive defenses<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">.<\/span><\/p><p class=\"western\">However, it\u2019s possible for a person with\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/how-narcissistic-people-behave-and-why-causes-and-effects\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>narcissistic imprinting<\/u>\u00a0<\/span><\/a>to adopt the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">passive mode<\/span>, as taking on a <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">victim role<\/span> can serve as another form of control. Conversely, those with\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/high-sensitivity-and-the-empathic-wound-between-unconditional-love-and-dependency\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>empathic imprinting<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0may tip into an <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">active<\/span> mode when inner pressure becomes overwhelming.<\/p><p class=\"western\">Empathic individuals might <u>notice this tipping<\/u> just before a relationship ends, feeling compelled to escape from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empath-narcissist-key-toxic-relationships\/\"><b><u>a dynamic that no longer serves them<\/u><\/b><\/a>. Understanding both modes and learning to integrate them healthily can help. Yet, a permanent shift won\u2019t resolve the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">internal conflict<\/span>.<\/p><p class=\"western\">After a breakup, some remain in either the <u>passive or active mode<\/u>, <b>unaware of their own contributions<\/b> to the relationship dynamic. Thus, <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">victim-perpetrator<\/span> perceptions persist.<\/p><p class=\"western\">Staying in polarized thinking, criticizing \u201cevil narcissists\u201d or \u201cinnocent empaths,\u201d only perpetuates the dynamic: <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">Looking outward<\/span>\u2014at others\u2014without introspection. The sore point within us, the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">magnetic pole<\/span> of empathic-narcissistic attraction, calls to be recognized, resolved, and brought into <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">reconciliation<\/span>.<\/p><p class=\"western\">As long as our <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">focus<\/span> remains on others, we miss out on <b>self-reflection<\/b>, the only source of change. Empaths might consider asking, &#8220;<i>Why am I reacting this way? What scares me?&#8221;<\/i><\/p><p class=\"western\">This is not about assigning blame to the empathic person but affirming their unique individuality. Empaths often fall into self-optimization traps: <i>&#8220;If I take this course or fix this aspect, then\u2026&#8221;<\/i>. However, the underlying assumption that they are not <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">good enough<\/span> persists. There\u2019s no need to change; instead, it\u2019s time to <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">embrace<\/span> their uniqueness.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-9f4c63a elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"9f4c63a\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-bdcf4c2\" data-id=\"bdcf4c2\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-215cea0 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"215cea0\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-primary );font-size: 1.8vw\">Example |<\/span><b> Submission <\/b>vs.<b> Control <\/b><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-primary );font-size: 1.8vw\">in a toxic relationship<\/span><span style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-primary );font-size: 1.8vw\"><\/span><br><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2cb2887 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"2cb2887\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><em>Stefanie&#8217;s father had an alcohol problem in her early childhood and behaved extremely <strong>unpredictably<\/strong>. He repeatedly shouted at the smallest of occasions and became verbally aggressive. Stefanie employed a <strong>strategy<\/strong> to ensure her own survival and to smooth the waters: she did <strong>not express any needs<\/strong> (so as not to provide additional cause for outbursts), and her <strong>perception<\/strong> was always oriented toward <strong>her father&#8217;s behavior<\/strong>. For her, <strong>control<\/strong> consisted of not actively going outside but remaining <strong>silent<\/strong> and adapting to the situation <strong>(submission)<\/strong>. This behavior calmed the <strong>permanent inner restlessness<\/strong> of little Stefanie. As time went on, she found it harder and harder to <strong>even feel<\/strong> her own <strong>needs<\/strong> and desires in her external orientation. When she was on the verge of demanding something for herself, she backed away from the <strong>inner turmoil<\/strong> and <strong>fear that<\/strong> would then <strong>arise<\/strong>. Among her friends, Stefanie was increasingly regarded as <strong>very considerate<\/strong> and <strong>adaptable<\/strong>, and was appreciated and liked for this. Her self-image was shaped by these terms &#8211; a <strong>sensitive, understanding<\/strong> and <strong>considerate<\/strong> woman (&#8220;that&#8217;s me&#8221;).<br \/><br \/>Her friend Viktor, on the other hand, <strong>set the tone<\/strong> early on. His mother showered him with material things, <strong>spoiled<\/strong>, and pampered him. However, Viktor&#8217;s mother also often left him alone. When his father was away on assembly, she maintained an extramarital affair and left the house in the evening. Viktor was <strong>scared<\/strong> when he woke up at night and no one was home. He started wetting himself and took a <strong>beating<\/strong> every time. When he then <strong>desperately<\/strong>, <strong>distraught<\/strong>, and deeply <strong>frightened<\/strong> wanted to get on his mother&#8217;s arm, she turned away and expressed that she would not take a bed-wetter in her arms.<br \/><br \/>Viktor learned to <strong>decouple<\/strong> his experience from external circumstances (absence of his mother at night) and to <strong>suppress<\/strong> his true <strong>feelings<\/strong> (which were associated for him with punishment). The <strong>need for control<\/strong> and an <strong>inner life independent<\/strong> of external circumstances\/people were also reinforced because he received praise and recognition for academic achievement and a dry bed (control of emotions). <strong>Adaptation<\/strong> or even <strong>submission<\/strong> were henceforth unthinkable.<br \/><br \/>He <strong>closed<\/strong> off. His inner universe is the only safe place for him. There, only his person is of importance; potentially painful feedback from others does <strong>not<\/strong> <strong>penetrate<\/strong> here. He must maintain control over his inner (and outer) life at all costs.<br \/><\/em><\/p><p><em style=\"color: var( --e-global-color-text ); font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">Stefanie and Viktor carry the <strong>same conflict<\/strong>: <strong>submission vs. control<\/strong>. Both cope with this conflict in <strong>different ways<\/strong> regarding entering into relationships. Both feel <strong>fear<\/strong> when they come into contact with the other mode. Viktor manages the conflict <strong>actively<\/strong> (control), while Stefanie <strong>passively<\/strong> copes with it (submission).<\/em><\/p><p><em>A situation from their (not clearly defined) relationship could look like this: Viktor senses a rising tension with Stefanie because he has not been in touch for a week. He contacts Stefanie by text message and presents her with a fait accompli: He would like to see her again and has already arranged with two friends for the four of them to meet for bowling. Thus, Viktor already <strong>arranges<\/strong> the situation in such a way that a <strong>discussion is not possible<\/strong> and Stefanie can only decide: Go along or stay away. Either way &#8211; she more or less has to <strong>put her needs on hold<\/strong>. Stefanie is angry, hurt, and disappointed and would like to <strong>clarify<\/strong> this circumstance with Viktor. Stefanie could now take her own needs seriously and <strong>insist<\/strong> on having this conversation. By doing so, she would <strong>actively<\/strong> shape the situation for herself (move toward control).<\/em><br \/><br \/><em>These steps would be <strong>new<\/strong> to them, and anxiety would be evident (see above). Viktor&#8217;s behavior triggers <strong>healthy anger<\/strong> on the one hand but also <strong>fear<\/strong>. She <strong>passively<\/strong> manages the conflict of <strong>submission vs. control<\/strong>. Stefanie dismisses the idea of confronting Viktor <strong>(control)<\/strong>, instead focusing on the <strong>potential threat<\/strong> (loss or an emotional outburst from Viktor). If she doesn&#8217;t adjust, she might not see or hear from Viktor for another week?<\/em><br \/><br \/><em>Stefanie (consciously) tells herself that Viktor is just freedom-loving and that he really <strong>knows what he wants<\/strong> &#8211; that&#8217;s why she loves him. She also doesn&#8217;t want to spoil his evening (&#8220;that&#8217;s me&#8221; &#8211; self-image). But subconsciously, she is also <strong>envious<\/strong> and <strong>angry<\/strong> that he just always <strong>decides everything on his own<\/strong> and has no consideration for her. She certainly feels her own needs, but they do not fit the self-image of the <strong>considerate, adaptable<\/strong> woman (&#8220;but I&#8217;m not like that&#8221;).<br \/><br \/>Her mode leads to the activation of <strong>previously suppressed<\/strong> <strong>needs<\/strong> and <strong>needs blocked by old imprints<\/strong> (direction of control). She experiences <strong>anxiety<\/strong> and is under <strong>tension<\/strong>. In order to protect her <strong>self-image<\/strong> and not have to face her <strong>conflict<\/strong>, she fends it off by <strong>blaming herself for<\/strong> her feelings (turning against the self). To match her self-image, she writes Viktor that she is very much looking forward to the evening together.<br \/><br \/>However, a <strong>powerless rage<\/strong> festers within her, which is shame-ridden, repressed, and yet later surfaces in the form of <strong>passive-aggressive<\/strong> behavior. Instead of understanding the <strong>power of her anger<\/strong> as clarity and an invitation to <strong>actively shape<\/strong> the situation (to stay at home), Stefanie accompanies Viktor, but remains in a <strong>bad mood<\/strong> the entire evening and hardly speaks a word to him. Viktor gets angry. After the evening, he approaches Stefanie and expresses that it doesn&#8217;t work like that &#8211; that she should have finally expressed that she wanted to go. What was actually going on with her? Stefanie expresses how much it has <strong>hurt<\/strong> her that he has not contacted her, to which Viktor reacts with <strong>incomprehension<\/strong> and, for his part, says that she should <strong>stick to the subject<\/strong> (change of subject &#8211; <strong>control<\/strong>).<br \/><br \/>Both feed their respective modes by taking the other&#8217;s coping pole. The <strong>balance between submission and control<\/strong> remains in the dynamic, and there is a colorful fireworks of <strong>unconscious defenses<\/strong> on both sides.<\/em><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-59090508 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"59090508\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-2c4a19ff\" data-id=\"2c4a19ff\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-309a505 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"309a505\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Finding <span style=\"font-weight: 700\">balance<\/span> | Leaving <span style=\"font-weight: 700\">submission <\/span>&amp; tocix relationships<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-0bc6dbf elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"0bc6dbf\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>If <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">control<\/span> is indeed a <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">challenge for<\/span> you and the above lines resonate with you, you can start to face the challenge of gradually bringing the conflict of <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">submission vs. control<\/span>\u00a0into conscious balance. You can start doing the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">following<\/span>:<\/p><p>Pay attention to what makes you <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">angry<\/span> and embrace that feeling first. When you get angry, it maybe means that <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">something is happening<\/span> that does <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">not<\/span> have <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">your full approval<\/span>.<\/p><p><strong><em>Is something going against the grain for you?<br \/><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif;\">What exactly do you want to change for yourself?<\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/p><p><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">It may also be that the<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">behavior of your counterpart<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">is making you<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\"> angry<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">because you have chosen this behavior for yourself.<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">You may not concede<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">what you would like. You might have<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\"> judgements<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">in your head (<i>&#8220;bad&#8221;, &#8220;unfair&#8221;, &#8220;dangerous&#8221;<\/i>). <\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">You can use these<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">judgements<\/span>\u00a0<span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">to reflect and contemplate &#8211; maybe even consider a<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">new perspective<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">to open.<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">So ask yourself the question:<\/span><\/p><p><i><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif;\"><b>W<\/b><\/span><b><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif;\">hat<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif;\"><u>triggers<\/u><\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif;\">me here right now?<\/span><\/b><\/i><\/p><p>Moving toward <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">control<\/span> does not mean making active mode your new home. It does not mean controlling or manipulating your entire environment or other people. Rather, it means <u>finding the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">courage to<\/span> face your <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">truth<\/span><\/u>. <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">To stand for<\/span> yourself and your feelings and take <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">responsibility for<\/span> them.<\/p><p>In concrete terms, this can also mean that you <u><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">consciously<\/span> take <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">time<\/span> to enter into a <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">relationship with yourself<\/span><\/u>, with your (locked-off) feelings, desires, and needs. That you make a commitment to yourself to <u><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">listen<\/span> within<\/u>. To <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/mirror-process-inner-universe\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>search within yourself<\/u><\/b><\/a> for what you <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">really want<\/span>. And then to shape your behavior piece by piece so that you can <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">deal with<\/span> <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">people<\/span> (especially <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">yourself<\/span>!!!), things, and situations in a <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">way<\/span> that feels coherent to you.<\/p><p>When you allow yourself to <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">create<\/span> your <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">own<\/span> life, you move towards (healthy) <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">control<\/span>. A migration from the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">passive mode<\/span> towards the center.<\/p><p>And please don\u00b4t get me wrong: Your ability to <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">adapt<\/span> is extremely <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">valuable<\/span>! It is in no way about abolishing or rejecting that. You can handle different situations and conditions; you are <u>flexible, willing to compromise, and able to put yourself aside<\/u> sometimes. There is even a <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">gift<\/span> in this facet of your soul: <u>you can be <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">guided, accompanied, and led<\/span> on your life path<\/u> (by the spiritual world, insights, God&#8230;).<br \/><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">If we always <u>controlled everything<\/u>, this would not be possible at all. And let&#8217;s be honest: often we don&#8217;t know what to do with ourselves, do we? How beautiful that you can be <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">guided with confidence<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">! You already carry that within you &lt;3 (and so much more!). Now it&#8217;s just a matter of paying attention to <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">whom<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> or <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">what<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> you give permission to guide you&#8230;;-)<\/span><\/p><p>You can move towards <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">balance<\/span> by inviting all the aspects\u00a0<span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">into your life<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">\u00a0that may have frightened you to this day. Everything you didn&#8217;t want to have or be (these are the shadows, my dear!). When you no longer lock your <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">shadows<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> in the basement, an <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">incredible power<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> is released. Your shadows can help you gradually feel more and more in <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">balance<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">.<\/span><\/p><p>You feel that <u>others<\/u> do not appreciate you appropriately, but also <u>you do <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">not<\/span> speak <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">your truth<\/span><\/u>? How can others apppreciate you, if you\u00b4re not even there? You feel <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">uncomfortable<\/span> with accepting yourself? Would you like to <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">cancel<\/span> that?<br \/>You have <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">fears<\/span> that you actually would like to face?<br \/>You can now start to embrace all of that with confidence!<\/p><p>But you are worried that you will <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">no longer be liked<\/span>? Or to <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">hurt<\/span> someone?<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">Is this really true<\/span> or do you not want to confront your fear?<br \/>And maybe realize that <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">you are much more<\/span> than what you think you are?<br \/>Is it about your <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">self-image<\/span> or <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">simply live your very own life<\/span>?<\/p><p><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif;\"><b><u>Confront your fear!<\/u><\/b><br \/><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: bolder; color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif;\">Go for it!<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">Believe me &#8211; you do not<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">serve humanity<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">\u00a0by putting yourself in situations that <u>do not<\/u><\/span><u> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">serve you<\/span><\/u><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">. Because <u>you are part of humanity and deserve abundance<\/u>! <br \/>Also &#8211; demarcation of what serves you from what is not is a profound protection against energy vampirism as explained in this article:<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-559fc16 elementor-grid-1 elementor-grid-tablet-1 elementor-grid-mobile-1 elementor-posts--thumbnail-top elementor-card-shadow-yes elementor-posts__hover-gradient elementor-widget elementor-widget-posts\" data-id=\"559fc16\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;pagination_type&quot;:&quot;numbers_and_prev_next&quot;,&quot;cards_columns&quot;:&quot;1&quot;,&quot;cards_row_gap&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:50,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;cards_columns_tablet&quot;:&quot;1&quot;,&quot;cards_columns_mobile&quot;:&quot;1&quot;,&quot;cards_row_gap_tablet&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;cards_row_gap_mobile&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]}}\" data-widget_type=\"posts.cards\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-posts-container elementor-posts elementor-posts--skin-cards elementor-grid\" role=\"list\">\n\t\t\t\t<article class=\"elementor-post elementor-grid-item post-12845 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-toxic-relationships tag-boundary tag-boundary-setting tag-co-narzissmus-ueberwinden tag-emotional-boundaries tag-emotional-wellness tag-empowerment tag-energy-vampirism tag-gaslighting-en tag-mindfulness tag-overcoming-co-narcissism tag-personal-energy tag-protecting-your-energy tag-resilience tag-self-care-strategies tag-spiritual-protection tag-toxic-relationships\" role=\"listitem\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-post__card\">\n\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-post__thumbnail__link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/energy-vampirism-how-to-protect-energy\/\" tabindex=\"-1\" ><div class=\"elementor-post__thumbnail\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"575\" src=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/energievampir.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full wp-image-12412\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/energievampir.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/energievampir-300x168.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/energievampir-600x337.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/energievampir-768x431.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/div><\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-post__badge\">TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-post__text\">\n\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-post__title\">\n\t\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/energy-vampirism-how-to-protect-energy\/\" >\n\t\t\t\t5 signs of energy vampirism | How to protect your energy\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t<\/h2>\n\t\t\n\t\t<a class=\"elementor-post__read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/energy-vampirism-how-to-protect-energy\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about 5 signs of energy vampirism | How to protect your energy\" tabindex=\"-1\" >\n\t\t\tread more \u00bb\t\t<\/a>\n\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-post__meta-data\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-post-date\">\n\t\t\t9. December 2018\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/article>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5663d89 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"5663d89\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">You are <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\"><u>not<\/u> a good person<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> if you hand designing your life to <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">others<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> (or to your <\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">fears<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">).<\/span><\/p><p>I invite you to be <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">honest<\/span> with yourself: it is actually not important what others think about you. And yes &#8211; other people <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">might turn away<\/span> if you express your wishes.<\/p><p><b><i>Who<\/i> do you want to be?<\/b><br \/><b><i>What <\/i>do you want to be like?<\/b><\/p><p><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">Reflect on yourself<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">and <u>how you navigate your life<\/u> &#8211; where would you like to have<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">more control<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">and<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">self-determination<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">? Where are you actually making compromises that you do not want to make?<\/span><\/p><p>If you consider yourself an <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">empathetic person<\/span>, then this article invites you to be <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>empathetic with yourself<\/u><\/span>. To empathize with your <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">anger<\/span>, to empathize with your <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">envy<\/span>. Do not lock them away, but instead ask yourself: <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><i>What are they trying to tell me?<\/i><\/span> Let them exist and serve you with the messages they submit to you. Listen!<\/p><p>As long as you go along with everything &#8211; even what you don&#8217;t want &#8211; <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">you lose energy<\/span> (and &#8211; feed frustration and anger within you!). <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">Energy<\/span> that is meant <u><b>for you<\/b><\/u> and the manifestation of your life. Sincere, self-determined, yet empathetically connected. If you are losing energy, it may be because you are not yet able to hear the messages of your feelings very well.\u00a0<\/p><p>You are the captain of your life! What do you think would <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">happen<\/span> if you truly <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">felt that<\/span> <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">your life<\/span> could be <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">completely shaped &amp; designed by you<\/span>? That you don\u2019t need the mercy of anything or anyone (not even your feelings!).<br \/>Your inner light wants to shine through you and be <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">directed to those places<\/span> where it feels <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">right for you<\/span>.<br \/>After mastering\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">clarity<\/span> and <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">focus<\/span>, <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">anger<\/span> and <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">envy<\/span> can also guide you &#8211; <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">to stay true to yourself<\/span> or <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">to discover<\/span> yourself.<br \/>By then you will know &#8211; <b><u>you can trust your feelings<\/u><\/b> and yes &#8211; also your hidden shadow sides.<br \/>Then you will have united\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">two poles<\/span> in one\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">center of balance<\/span>. Your center. You can return to it again and again.<br \/>Because then &#8211; you\u00b4ll have learned to feel yourself and to advocate for yourself. This means taking a <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">step toward control<\/span>.<\/p><p>I hope this article helped you on your path to <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">self-empowerment<\/span>.\u00a0<\/p><p>Namast\u00e9 and all the love for your journey,<br \/><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">Yours Kristina<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-21fdc4a elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"21fdc4a\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;,&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-af2746b\" data-id=\"af2746b\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5b7e79a elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"5b7e79a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Invitation<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1bdb47d elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"1bdb47d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re considering being accompanied through the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/mirror-process-inner-universe\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>mirror process of inner work<\/strong><\/span><\/a>, you can book a <a href=\"https:\/\/psysoulogy.youcanbook.me\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>free preliminary talk in my booking calendar<\/u><\/b><\/a> at the top right of this page or below this entry.\n\n<span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">The <\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">model assumptions<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\"> are based on years of professional<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">observation<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, personal<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">experience<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, and knowledge from<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">psychoanalysis, psychodynamics, and developmental psychology<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">. For more information, please refer to the<\/span> <a style=\"text-decoration-line: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/copyright\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">Copyright<\/span><\/a><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\"> notice. The articles, including assumptions and hypotheses, may be<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">shared freely<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, but please always provide<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">attribution\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">(my name and the website).<\/span>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Overview Introduction Before diving into this article, make sure to read the introductory article of this series and the article on the first conflict (individuation<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12414,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_glsr_average":0,"_glsr_ranking":0,"_glsr_reviews":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[857],"tags":[1005,944,902,1001,973,986,957,958,1002,1004,1003,966],"class_list":["post-12779","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-toxic-relationships","tag-assertiveness","tag-boundaries","tag-co-dependency","tag-control","tag-emotional-manipulation","tag-healing-from-trauma","tag-healthy-relationships","tag-personal-growth","tag-power-dynamics","tag-self-empowerment-2","tag-submission","tag-toxic-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12779","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12779"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12779\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12414"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12779"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12779"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12779"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}