{"id":12772,"date":"2019-07-07T20:25:59","date_gmt":"2019-07-07T18:25:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/4-empathic-narcissistic-conflict-supply-self-sufficiency\/"},"modified":"2024-10-31T19:23:11","modified_gmt":"2024-10-31T18:23:11","slug":"4conflict-toxic-relationship-care-autarky","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/4conflict-toxic-relationship-care-autarky\/","title":{"rendered":"#4 Core Conflicts of toxic relationships | Care vs. autarky"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"12772\" class=\"elementor elementor-12772 elementor-3239\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-3599654 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"3599654\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-51b853e\" data-id=\"51b853e\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5de63ae elementor-toc--minimized-on-tablet elementor-widget elementor-widget-table-of-contents\" data-id=\"5de63ae\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;headings_by_tags&quot;:[&quot;h3&quot;],&quot;exclude_headings_by_selector&quot;:[],&quot;marker_view&quot;:&quot;numbers&quot;,&quot;no_headings_message&quot;:&quot;No headings were found on this page.&quot;,&quot;minimize_box&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;,&quot;minimized_on&quot;:&quot;tablet&quot;,&quot;hierarchical_view&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;,&quot;min_height&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;min_height_tablet&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;min_height_mobile&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]}}\" data-widget_type=\"table-of-contents.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__header\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<h4 class=\"elementor-toc__header-title\">\n\t\t\t\tOverview\t\t\t<\/h4>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__toggle-button elementor-toc__toggle-button--expand\" role=\"button\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-controls=\"elementor-toc__5de63ae\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-label=\"Open table of contents\"><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-chevron-down\"><\/i><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__toggle-button elementor-toc__toggle-button--collapse\" role=\"button\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-controls=\"elementor-toc__5de63ae\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-label=\"Close table of contents\"><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-chevron-up\"><\/i><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div id=\"elementor-toc__5de63ae\" class=\"elementor-toc__body\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__spinner-container\">\n\t\t\t\t<i class=\"elementor-toc__spinner eicon-animation-spin eicon-loading\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><\/i>\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-71ce67c elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"71ce67c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Introduction<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f692014 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"f692014\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tThe articles on individual conflicts are based on a\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narcissistic-8-conflicts\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>basic article for this series,<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0which you should ideally read first.\nIn summary: We <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">all<\/span> carry <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">conflicts<\/span> within us that create <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">tension<\/span> and possibly even <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">fear<\/span>. When we become <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">aware<\/span> of these conflicts, we can choose how to address them. Through <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">honesty<\/span> and self-reflection, we can foster <b>acceptance<\/b>, gradual <b>integration<\/b>, and ultimately become whole.\nIf these conflicts remain <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">unconscious<\/span>, inner turmoil and anxiety can arise, which we may struggle to identify.\n\nOur conflicts can influence us internally and also attract individuals into our lives who experience the same <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">conflict<\/span> but <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">handle<\/span> it in a completely different (and sometimes fascinating) manner.\n\nThe <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">opposite of our own attempts at conflict resolution<\/span> often manifests in others. We may find these individuals attractive because they embody traits that are connected to our own <b>taboos, prohibitions, fears<\/b>, or <b>rejections<\/b>. These may be attitudes and behaviors we believe we <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">cannot<\/span> or <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">should not<\/span> exhibit, or ones we condemn within ourselves. You can reflect on this for yourself below.\n\nBecause our counterparts <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">express<\/span> what <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">scares us<\/span>, our inner conflicts are frequently triggered, leading to tension.\nIf we are unaware of these inner conflicts, repetitive <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">patterns of conflict<\/span> may develop in our relationships. <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">Recurring disputes<\/span> occur when the individuals involved attempt to address their conflicts <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">on the surface<\/span> without resolving them <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">internally<\/span>.\n\n<a style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight ); background-color: #ffffff;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/high-sensitivity-and-the-empathic-wound-between-unconditional-love-and-dependence\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\"><u>Empathetic persons in such relationships<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0often lack understanding for the processes been initiated and the tangible conflict energy. Sometimes they just don\u00b4t get the point, while dwelling\u00a0in an\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/2-toxic-relationship-indiv-dependency\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>unhealthy dependency<\/u><\/b><\/a>\u00a0Usually this results in <b>persistent tension<\/b>, anxiety, confusion, energy depletion, and the empathic <u><a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/in-10-steps-empathic-overstimulation\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">stress loop<\/span><\/a><\/u>.\n\nThus, this series of articles is <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">for you<\/span>! Now, let&#8217;s dive in examining the conflict.\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1b0b651 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"1b0b651\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Conflict | <span style=\"font-weight: 700\">care<\/span> vs. <span style=\"font-weight: 700\">autarky<\/span><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-d934742 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"d934742\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"western\" style=\"color: black;\">Both partners carry this conflict &#8211; <strong>care vs. autarky<\/strong>. Within the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narcissistic-relationship-dynamic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><u>empathic-narcissistic relationship dynamic<\/u><\/strong><\/a>, participants exhibit opposite <b>coping modes<\/b>. These are two distinct approaches to avoid feeling the <strong>anxiety<\/strong> associated with inner conflict: <strong>active coping<\/strong> (autarky) and <strong>passive coping<\/strong> (care), which represent opposite ends of a continuum. <br \/>In contrast to the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/conflict-individuation-vs-dependence\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><u>conflict individuation vs. dependency<\/u><\/strong><\/a>\u00a0(how the self relates in relationships), the conflict of <strong>care vs. autarky<\/strong> means tendencies about how &#8220;supply&#8221; is being understood &amp; expressed in encounters and relationships. To summarize this conflict somewhat simplistically: one partner desires to <strong>be cared for<\/strong> in terms of self-image, while the other <strong>provides care<\/strong> for others in a self-effacing manner, often neglecting their own needs.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">The individual who <strong>wants to be cared for<\/strong> (passive mode, <strong>care<\/strong>) harbors a deep-seated need for <strong>security<\/strong> and <strong>receptive closeness<\/strong>. This may sometimes manifest as <strong>demanding or clinging<\/strong> behavior. <strong>Emotionally<\/strong>, this person experiences an internal void characterized by <strong>sadness, depression<\/strong>, and sometimes <strong>envy<\/strong> (<i>&#8220;others receive more&#8230;&#8221;<\/i>), as well as <strong>fear of loss<\/strong>. These feelings can operate unconsciously, subtly influencing their communications. A person who wants to be cared for may send (both verbally and non-verbally) messages such as <strong><i>&#8220;take responsibility!&#8221;<\/i><\/strong> or <strong><i>&#8220;make it easier for me!&#8221;<\/i><\/strong> to their <strong>counterpart<\/strong>.<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">A partner who has learned to suppress their own needs in favor of <strong>caring for others<\/strong> may initially feel that they fit well in this dynamic. However, over time, they may feel exploited or manipulated by the self-evident expectations. Possible reactions from a partner facing the <strong>passive desire for care<\/strong> may include initial <strong>concern<\/strong>, followed later by feelings of <b>powerlessness<\/b> or <b>withdrawal<\/b> (due to fear of manipulation or exploitation).<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">When observing a person in <strong>active mode<\/strong>, we often find a <b>basic altruistic attitude<\/b>, autarky, and a <b>lack of demands<\/b>. They tend to be <strong>modest<\/strong>. For various reasons, they may harbor a desire <strong>to please everyone<\/strong>. Consequently, individuals in active mode often focus their <b>perception, communication<\/b>, and <b>behavior<\/b> on the (perceived) needs and desires of <strong>others<\/strong>. This characteristic, rooted in compassion, can become problematic when the altruistic individual <u>neglects their own needs<\/u> in a pursuit of <strong>self-honesty<\/strong>. This frequently occurs because the pronounced <strong>concern for others<\/strong> dominating their emotional experience can be accompanied by <strong>depression<\/strong> and <strong>envy<\/strong> (<i>&#8220;I do so much, yet receive so little in return&#8221;<\/i>).<\/p><p style=\"color: black;\">Unconsciously, these feelings may seep into interactions: the <strong>lack of demands<\/strong> and the <strong>tendency to give<\/strong> (to do right and <strong>not be a burden<\/strong>) may initially seem <strong>sympathetic<\/strong> and even evoke <strong>compassion<\/strong>. However, as time progresses, a subtly communicated message may emerge: <strong><i>&#8220;Give me what I never received before!&#8221;<\/i><\/strong>. <br \/>This sets the stage for an <strong>unconscious agreement<\/strong>. Precisely because the <strong>autark individual<\/strong> typically represses their own needs and expectations, these unacknowledged feelings operate from below the surface. Following initial <b>sympathy<\/b> and pity for their perceived lack of demands and propensity to give, other emotions may develop in their partner over the course of the relationship. <br \/>For instance, feelings of <b>inadequacy<\/b> (<i>&#8220;nothing is expected of me&#8221;<\/i>) may arise, as well as increasing <strong>anger<\/strong> when the perceived lack of demands does not seem <strong>genuine<\/strong>. There is often a resonance\u2014a hidden and often unconscious expectation of receiving something in <strong>return<\/strong> for <strong>giving care<\/strong>, even if it is merely a form of <strong>validation<\/strong>. More on this below.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1edd6cf elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"1edd6cf\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Care vs. autarky<span style=\"font-weight: 700\"> <\/span>in <span style=\"font-weight: 700\">toxic <\/span>relationships<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c830391 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"c830391\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>In the course of the\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-narcissistic-collusion\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration-line: underline; font-weight: bolder;\">empathic (or co-narcissistic) collusion<\/span><\/a>\u00a0a change of modes is possible! Often, the\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-love-vs-dependency\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>empathic person<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0is more in the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">active mode<\/span>. They give, care, worry, and feel responsible. Meanwhile, the\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/narcissistic-wound-causes-and-effects\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>narcissistic person<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0tends to passively receive what they believe is owed to them.<\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">Selflessness<\/span> and <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">altruism<\/span>, the genuine concern for the well-being of others, is often felt by a sensitive, <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">empathic person\u00a0<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/11-essential-points-empathic-people\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>from the heart<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">(active mode)<\/span>. If an empathic person has awareness and <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">self-empathy<\/span>, they will include themselves in the wish that everyone may be well (<i>&#8220;it may also go well with me!&#8221;<\/i>). However, if they have <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">learned<\/span> that they should only care for <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">others<\/span>, this form of <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">self-compassion<\/span> is blocked. They enter encounters with this unresolved conflict, this\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathic-love-vs-dependency\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>empathic wound<\/u><\/span><\/a>\u00a0within themselves. This predisposes them to co-narcissistic constellations. Often, <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">sadness<\/span> dwells deep within them, along with the feeling of having <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">no alternative<\/span> (<i>&#8220;I have to care for others&#8221;<\/i>).<\/p><p>Basically, they wish to be <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">seen<\/span>, but on the other hand, this desire causes them great anxiety. The <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">expression<\/span> and <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">assertion of<\/span> their own needs can be inhibited and unconsciously obstructed by an <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">inner taboo<\/span>.<\/p><p>Here lies a <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">paradox<\/span>: The empathically wounded person, due to their beliefs (<i>&#8220;I must not express my needs, must care for others&#8221;<\/i>), can inadvertently <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">sabotage<\/span> what they want most deeply: <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">to be seen, understood, and cared for<\/span>. In the absence of self-empathy, their <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">own needs<\/span> are often not felt and sometimes <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">denied<\/span>.<\/p><p>In the empathic-narcissistic dynamic, the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">active mode<\/span> meets the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">passive mode<\/span>.<\/p><p>The <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">narcissistic person<\/span> (passive mode) rarely expresses their wishes or needs on an emotional level. Practically, they often show fewer inhibitions\u2014concrete demands are definitely expressed. However, actual emotional needs are sometimes kept out of awareness (they don&#8217;t fit the self-image). Indirectly, the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">breach of trust<\/span> experienced during early development and the resulting need for protection and validation of the self-image\u2014truly <b>unconditional acceptance<\/b> and care\u2014affect them. This claim exists within them, regardless of their actions or behavior. Often, this also includes defense mechanisms perceived as painful for the other person, such as\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=jxK29K2pmrM\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>defense mechanisms<\/u><\/b><\/a>\u00a0that they have acquired as protection against excessive closeness and loss of control.<\/p><p>If active and passive modes meet, the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">narcissistic person<\/span> receives what they desire through their <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">empathic partner<\/span> (active mode). They enjoy boundless <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">understanding<\/span> and someone who will <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">not burden<\/span> them or <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">demand<\/span> anything of them. Yet, due to the unacknowledged and unexpressed needs, they only partially engage in the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">relationship<\/span>. The empathic person\u2019s willingness to commit to the relationship allows them to <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">give their all<\/span>.<\/p><p>For the passive mode, this arrangement is ideal because it embodies the desire to &#8220;save effort&#8221; (e.g., avoid working on oneself or the relationship)\u2014allowing them to care for their own issues while being <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">cared for<\/span>. This often manifests as a self-image of egocentric behavior, <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">withdrawals<\/span> (ghosting), avoidance of confrontation with relevant issues, and <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">denial<\/span> of their role in relationship events (gaslighting). The passive mode also reveals a <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">lack of initiative<\/span> to resolve conflicts. The narcissistic person <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">lets themselves be taken care of<\/span>: they <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">wait<\/span> passively until the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">empathic<\/span> person approaches them for conflict resolution or takes the initiative. Even then, discussions are usually one-sided, with little participation from the passive mode.<\/p><p>For the empathic person, this means they <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">continuously<\/span> invest their <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">energy externally<\/span> (they care) while neglecting themselves. Internally, they face the unconscious <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">shadow sides<\/span> of their behavior. Feelings of <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">envy and depression<\/span> may rise. At times, they may become aware of their <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">inner deal<\/span> because they do not receive what they subconsciously expected in <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">return<\/span> for their actions.<\/p><p>Attention! Needs and desires are significant and justified! The crux is that these, along with the inner blockages, are often <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">not conscious<\/span>. Otherwise, a healthy integration and expression of needs, combined with self-empathy, could occur.<\/p><p>In my experience, in the conflict of <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">care vs. autarky<\/span>, one of the <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">central elements<\/span> affecting the\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/high-sensitivity-and-the-empathic-wound-between-unconditional-love-and-dependency\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\"><u>empathically wounded person<\/u><\/span><br \/><\/a> relates to the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/toxic-empathic-narcissistic-relationship-dynamics\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><b><u>empathic-narcissistic dynamic<\/u><\/b><\/a>. Their efforts to finally receive <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">the affection and love<\/span> that seemed so painfully denied to them in their youth lead the empathic person to chase after a carrot from the past. They reenact an <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">old childhood trauma<\/span> and begin to work and fight for <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">love and recognition<\/span>\u2014when they truly desire <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">unconditional love<\/span> instead of the painful shadow of &#8220;care.&#8221;<\/p><p>After repeated experiences of disappointment, the empathic person may grow resentful toward their partner, even while feeling unable to let go of their habitual need to care. They may withdraw emotionally and express their hurt through withdrawal, while simultaneously feeling guilty for not caring enough.<\/p><p>In conclusion, the question remains: <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">Where can I find myself within this dynamic<\/span>? The path to healing lies in awareness and the acceptance of one\u2019s own needs. Instead of trying to &#8220;care for others&#8221; to receive care in return, we need to cultivate our <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">autarky<\/span>.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-eab06b6 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"eab06b6\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-32649a7\" data-id=\"32649a7\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8acbdaa elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"8acbdaa\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Mode <b>activation <\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-0402bd8 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"0402bd8\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p style=\"font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; margin-bottom: 0.29cm;\"><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">This conflict may appear quite the <b>opposite<\/b> on the <b>surface<\/b>: Since the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/causes-and-consequences-of-narcissistic-wounds\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>narcissistic individual<\/u><\/b><\/a> would never acknowledge their own neediness (self-image), they can superficially project an <b><u>image of autarky<\/u><\/b> in relationships. However, a strong <b>claim for care<\/b> underlies this fa\u00e7ade, which &#8211; if it is no longer provided by the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empathy-between-love-and-dependency\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>empathetic partner<\/u><\/b><\/a> &#8211; leads to <b>feelings of grievance<\/b>, hurt, anger, jealousy, (passive) aggressive behavior, manipulation, and even emotional withdrawal.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p><p style=\"font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; margin-bottom: 0.29cm;\"><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">At this point, the <b>empathetic individual<\/b> encounters their <b>inner conflict<\/b>: their own <u>unintegrated needs for care<\/u> in the relationship become increasingly apparent (<i>&#8220;after all, I am someone too!&#8221;<\/i>). <br \/>They may attempt to voice these needs, but the <b>narcissistic individual<\/b> will likely <b>negate<\/b> their claims for care or take them for <b>granted<\/b>. Consequently, there is no common ground for conflict resolution. Both parties perceive a different conflict: from the narcissistic person&#8217;s perspective, the issue arises when their partner suddenly &#8220;wants something from them&#8221; and is no longer willing to simply provide for them (<i>&#8220;it&#8217;s been like that ever since&#8221;<\/i>).\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p><p style=\"font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; margin-bottom: 0.29cm;\"><span style=\"color: #003738;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">The empathetic individual feels increasingly <b>exploited<\/b> and <b>drained<\/b>, leading to a growing sense of not being understood. They may oscillate in their <b>self-perception<\/b> between their <b>legitimate<\/b> (yet fearful!) <b>needs<\/b> and the <b>temptation to<\/b> revert to old patterns, as this offers a sense of security and control\u2014even if it ultimately harms the empathetic individual, it temporarily alleviates <b>anxiety<\/b>. A subtly perceived threat from the narcissistic partner (<i>&#8220;Do you want to break up now?&#8221;<\/i>) may be enough to reactivate the old pattern. This highlights the importance of being aware of one&#8217;s inner processes and being honest with oneself. Read more on the dynamics here:\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f894ad9 elementor-grid-1 elementor-grid-tablet-1 elementor-grid-mobile-1 elementor-posts--thumbnail-top elementor-card-shadow-yes elementor-posts__hover-gradient elementor-widget elementor-widget-posts\" data-id=\"f894ad9\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;pagination_type&quot;:&quot;numbers_and_prev_next&quot;,&quot;cards_columns&quot;:&quot;1&quot;,&quot;cards_row_gap&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:50,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;cards_columns_tablet&quot;:&quot;1&quot;,&quot;cards_columns_mobile&quot;:&quot;1&quot;,&quot;cards_row_gap_tablet&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;cards_row_gap_mobile&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]}}\" data-widget_type=\"posts.cards\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-posts-container elementor-posts elementor-posts--skin-cards elementor-grid\" role=\"list\">\n\t\t\t\t<article class=\"elementor-post elementor-grid-item post-12842 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-toxic-relationships tag-borderline-en tag-emotional-dynamics tag-emotional-health tag-empath-en tag-empath-vs-narcissist tag-empaths tag-empathy tag-externalization tag-gaslighting-en tag-ghosting tag-ghosting-en tag-healing-from-toxicity tag-narcissistic-abuse tag-orientation tag-overcoming-co-narcissism tag-personal-boundaries tag-relationship-patterns tag-self-awareness tag-thoughts tag-toxic-relationships\" role=\"listitem\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-post__card\">\n\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-post__thumbnail__link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empath-narcissist-key-toxic-relationships\/\" tabindex=\"-1\"><div class=\"elementor-post__thumbnail\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"575\" src=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/narzisst_dynamik.jpg\" class=\"attachment-full size-full wp-image-12391\" alt=\"narzisst narcissist\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/narzisst_dynamik.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/narzisst_dynamik-300x168.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/narzisst_dynamik-600x337.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/narzisst_dynamik-768x431.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/div><\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-post__badge\">TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-post__text\">\n\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-post__title\">\n\t\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empath-narcissist-key-toxic-relationships\/\">\n\t\t\t\tEmpath &amp; Narcissist: 11 key insights into toxic relationship Dynamics\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t<\/h2>\n\t\t\n\t\t<a class=\"elementor-post__read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/empath-narcissist-key-toxic-relationships\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about Empath &amp; Narcissist: 11 key insights into toxic relationship Dynamics\" tabindex=\"-1\">\n\t\t\tread more \u00bb\t\t<\/a>\n\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-post__meta-data\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-post-date\">\n\t\t\t9. May 2018\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/article>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-087d766 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"087d766\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Covert <\/b>narcissism<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-10cd2a1 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"10cd2a1\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p style=\"margin-bottom: 0.29cm; text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><span style=\"color: #003738;\">Depending on their self-image, a person with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/causes-and-consequences-of-narcissistic-wounds\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>narcissistic imprinting<\/u><\/b><\/a> may outwardly embody the ideal of altruism. They may enter an active mode that serves to generate and maintain a positive self-image while seeking validation and recognition (&#8220;I sacrifice so much for everyone!&#8221;, &#8220;I have done so much for others!&#8221;). This introduces the concept of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.exit-gaslighting.com\/opfer-gaslighting-verdeckter-narzissmus\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>covert narcissism<\/u><\/b><\/a>, which you can <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Narcissistic_personality_disorder\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>explore further here<\/u><\/b><\/a>. If you are particularly interested in this topic, I recommend visiting <b><u><a href=\"https:\/\/www.exit-gaslighting.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">www.exit-gaslighting.com<\/a><\/u><\/b> and checking out the blog section, where you can find the following (german) article &amp; may use auto-translate of your browser:<\/span><\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-fd0dc51 elementor-cta--skin-cover elementor-cta--valign-bottom elementor-widget__width-initial elementor-animated-content elementor-bg-transform elementor-bg-transform-zoom-in elementor-widget elementor-widget-call-to-action\" data-id=\"fd0dc51\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"call-to-action.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-cta\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-cta__bg-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-cta__bg elementor-bg\" style=\"background-image: url(https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/05\/Buch_EXIT_Gaslighting-1024x1024.jpg);\" role=\"img\" aria-label=\"gaslighting\"><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-cta__bg-overlay\"><\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-cta__content\">\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-cta__title elementor-cta__content-item elementor-content-item elementor-animated-item--grow\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\tCovert narcissism\t\t\t\t\t<\/h2>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-cta__description elementor-cta__content-item elementor-content-item elementor-animated-item--grow\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Blog article on EXIT GASLIGHTING<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-cta__button-wrapper elementor-cta__content-item elementor-content-item elementor-animated-item--grow\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-cta__button elementor-button elementor-size-\" href=\"https:\/\/www.exit-gaslighting.com\/opfer-gaslighting-verdeckter-narzissmus\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\tRead article\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5a2024b elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"5a2024b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p style=\"margin-bottom: 0.29cm; text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-family: Montserrat;\"><span style=\"color: #003738;\">Furthermore, a narcissistic person can, based on their worldview and perception, genuinely wish to care for others (even if briefly) and may act accordingly\u2014this is evident during the love bombing phase or in their behavior following conflicts.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-d954dbb elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"d954dbb\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-95a4fbb\" data-id=\"95a4fbb\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7d730d8 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"7d730d8\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Foster <span style=\"font-weight: 700\">Self-compassion <\/span>(Self-care) | Leaving <span style=\"font-weight: 700\">autarky <\/span>&amp; toxic relationships<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-90fcc3c elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"90fcc3c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Maybe some things resonated with you while reading. If care vs. autarky is your conflict as well, you can start the\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">process of integration<\/span> with the following steps:<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-bc88a22 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"bc88a22\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<ol><li>Appreciate your <strong>needs<\/strong> and take the time to address them. <strong>Sincere awareness<\/strong> is crucial here. <strong>Honesty<\/strong> toward yourself is enormously important and healing. Because everything is allowed. Really, everything!<br \/><br \/><\/li><li>Become aware that the needs, impulses, and desires that you consciously acknowledge allow you to enter the <strong>Reconciliation<\/strong>. You no longer <strong>subconsciously control<\/strong> them. This is your opportunity to let them emerge, to be present, and to explore them in a <strong>non-judgmental<\/strong> way. You end the slavery of your unconsciousness and become the <strong>conscious creator<\/strong>!<br \/><br \/><\/li><li>Consider your <strong>motives<\/strong> and your <strong>behavior sincerely<\/strong>. <strong>Why<\/strong> do you care about others? What lies behind it? Are you perhaps pursuing a <strong>carrot<\/strong>? Are you distracting yourself from your inner life and <strong>your feelings<\/strong>? What makes you flee from yourself to others? <strong>How are you talking to yourself<\/strong> when you dismiss your own feelings and needs? Are you reenacting an old story whose outcome is already known? Could it be that you are subconsciously paying a price for your caring? Do you have\u00a0<strong>expectations<\/strong>? Honestly? Even if it is just that you want others to care for you in return? <strong>Examine your beliefs!<\/strong> Even if it can be challenging and a bit painful, it is worth it to be able to stay with yourself permanently\u2014with everything that is!<br \/><br \/><\/li><li>Decide for yourself if you want to follow or reinforce the <strong>beliefs<\/strong> that exist within you\u00a0(e.g., <i>&#8220;I have to do something to be loved,&#8221; &#8220;I need to be liked&#8221;<\/i>). Perhaps you can just <strong>observe<\/strong> the feelings that accompany these beliefs? As you may have noticed, there can be a <strong>reactive form of caring<\/strong> that serves only to confirm (or eliminate) these beliefs. Maybe you choose to adopt different <strong>beliefs<\/strong>. Feel free to use these <strong>rephrased statements<\/strong> until they resonate with you (e.g., <i>&#8220;I deserve to be loved unconditionally,&#8221; &#8220;I allow love to come to me,&#8221; &#8220;True love finds me when I am honest and accepting myself&#8221;<\/i>).<br \/><br \/><\/li><li>Observe yourself when you enter a <strong>foreign field<\/strong>. I really like this self-created term. It means that you step away from yourself\u2014from your own space into another person&#8217;s space. This involves identifying with the other and <strong>leaving your own field<\/strong>. In contrast to empathic understanding from one&#8217;s own center, here we take on the problems and challenges of <strong>the other<\/strong> as our own. This is a point where many empathic individuals can fall into a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/10-steps-empathic-overstimulation\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><u>stress loop<\/u><\/strong><\/a>. By doing so, you open the door to the other person&#8217;s field, which can lead to overwhelm and confusion (mine vs. yours). It is possible at this point <strong>to stay with yourself<\/strong> (the gift behind implementing point 3). Recently, I read: Observe, don&#8217;t absorb!<br \/><br \/><\/li><li>Invite <strong>all your feelings<\/strong> and learn to be with them. <strong>Being<\/strong> with your feelings creates a solid foundation for <strong>staying with yourself<\/strong>. If you can embrace everything, nothing can compel you to <strong>escape<\/strong> to another space. Your field becomes your home, fostering a sense of <strong>clarity, acceptance<\/strong>, and <strong>security<\/strong> within yourself.<br \/><br \/><\/li><li>Take <strong>responsibility for your longings<\/strong>, desires, motives, and needs with sincerity and self-compassion. Taking responsibility means <strong>expressing<\/strong> your motives and needs <strong>openly and clearly<\/strong>, if necessary (instead of acting unconsciously). Some people may not meet your needs, may overlook them, or even deny them to you. That\u2019s okay. As long as you <strong>stand by yourself<\/strong>, you can make <strong>clear decisions<\/strong>. No one is responsible for you! Just as you are not responsible for anyone else (excluding children, elder ones). Here, you can truly remain with yourself.<br \/><br \/><\/li><li>You do not need to solve others&#8217; problems or fulfill their desires. When you act out of this mode, you may also (unconsciously) convey, <i>&#8220;You need my help. I don\u2019t trust you to care for yourself!&#8221;<\/i> Mutual support and assistance are entirely acceptable! After all, we are all connected (see point 10). I mean that you <strong>can start trusting your fellow human beings<\/strong>! They can meet their challenges individually and <strong>resolve them themselves<\/strong>. By doing this, you acknowledge their <b>power<\/b> &amp;\u00a0<strong>creativity<\/strong>. Nevertheless, you can be there for them\u2014if you want to and if they specifically ask for it.<br \/><br \/><\/li><li>Realize that as long as you remain in this mode, you are not truly connecting with your <strong>whole self<\/strong> in the relationship or encounter! You are there to perform a <strong>role<\/strong> that you think you must fulfill. This is unfortunate because you <strong>cannot be seen at all<\/strong> if you do not fully <strong>see &amp; show yourself<\/strong> (with your needs, values, desires) and <strong>contribute<\/strong> what you wish to share. You can increase the likelihood of your desires coming true by <strong>showing yourself<\/strong> fully.<br \/><br \/><\/li><li>For you, <strong>taking responsibility<\/strong> in <strong>self-empathy<\/strong> does not mean that you must completely isolate yourself from the outside world (<i>&#8220;only my needs matter!&#8221;<\/i>). On the contrary. Gradually, you will be able\u2014perhaps for the first time\u2014to <strong>fully express yourself in encounters<\/strong>. Also <strong>be empathetic<\/strong> when you genuinely desire it from your heart. Without a sense of obligation or a mandate breathing down your neck. Knowing that you have <strong>taken responsibility for yourself internally<\/strong>, see yourself, perceive yourself, and account for yourself. This allows <strong>your giving<\/strong> to come from a <strong>place of open-heartedness<\/strong>. It is a playful process in which you may immerse yourself patiently.<br \/><br \/><\/li><li>When another person <strong>comes close<\/strong> and wishes to <strong>offer you<\/strong> what you desire\u2014be it tenderness, attention, or perhaps just a prepared meal\u2014please try to let it <strong>land<\/strong>. Even if it feels <strong>strange<\/strong> or perhaps even wrong. It may be that your old patterns are surfacing, trying to convince you that you are only allowed to accept this if you have first accomplished something else.<br \/><br \/><\/li><li>Ensure that you do not become permanently trapped in a <strong>passive mode<\/strong>! When others see you, notice you, respond to you, and care for you\u2014yes! That\u2019s wonderful, a reason to rejoice, a <strong>gift<\/strong>. The love and care from another person is always a <strong>plus<\/strong>! Try to recognize this, embrace it, and let <strong>gratitude<\/strong> arise within you. <strong>Allow yourself<\/strong> to be cared for, loved, nurtured, and provided for. <b>Open<\/b>\u00a0your <strong>heart<\/strong> and invite it in! And then, be aware that your counterpart is also an <strong>independent person<\/strong>. Both are primarily <strong>responsible for themselves<\/strong>. Mutual enrichment, rather than enmeshed dependency or the conflict between care vs autarky.<br \/><br \/><\/li><li><strong>Do good for yourself<\/strong>! Whatever it may be. If you need rest and sunshine\u2014lie down in a hammock or lounge chair. Allow yourself to be cooked for or celebrated. Read a good book, take a trip. <strong>Care for yourself!<\/strong> Transform each <strong>must<\/strong> into: would like, can, may. Connect with your own desires and needs, and\u2014first of all\u2014allow everything that arises. <strong>Do not limit yourself<\/strong>. And then\u2014<strong>take action<\/strong>!<br \/><br \/><\/li><li><strong>Vision.<\/strong> Immerse yourself in how it will feel when you have <strong>nothing more to care<\/strong> for outside of you! A state of completion and peace. The fulfillment of your inner child and your soul. An inner <strong>stillness<\/strong> and <strong>balance<\/strong> in your soul, perhaps also combined with a <strong>dream<\/strong>\u2014your innermost dream. Maybe you can feel it. What would it be like? Invite the feeling into your heart. Let it emerge and <strong>stay<\/strong>. Observe what it evokes. This can be a guiding light for you.<br \/><br \/><\/li><li><strong>Lastly:<\/strong> <u>Let\u2019s not forget the importance of breathing<\/u>! Breathing in the moment. Breathing in joy. Breathing in harmony. Allow your body to feel good! To the extent that we experience positive bodily feelings, we are also capable of supporting and caring for others. Breathing helps us <strong>to feel alive<\/strong>! Also, you can help yourself and show yourself self-empathy, self-kindness, and a little self-acceptance. Be human.<\/li><\/ol>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1b77816 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"1b77816\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Balance | Care vs. autarky<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-468bef9 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"468bef9\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tFinally, I would like to add one very important thing: Taking <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">care of<\/span> other people <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">, caring, acting unselfishly, helping where we can &#8211; for the good of all is an incredibly high good!<\/span>\n\nEspecially at this time, we need a <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">conscious approach to human values<\/span> and a commitment to this <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">mutual co-creation<\/span> that <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">takes into account<\/span> the other in his or her <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">individuality<\/span>.\n\n<span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">We are all connected, and our humanity needs more than ever\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">mutual consideration and compassion<\/span><span style=\"font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\"> very, very badly.<\/span>\n\nThis article does <b>not<\/b> want to invite selfishness, but to make you aware that you need your own attention and consideration first before you can show this to the outside world.\n<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">Peaceful co-creation in openness and self-responsibility<\/span> can only become possible when we consider our relationship with ourselves. Conflicts on the outside can be prevented if we <span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">internally resolve<\/span> what is blocking.\n\n<span style=\"color: black; font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif; font-weight: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-weight );\">I hope that this article will help you on your way to a good balance between care &amp; autarky.<\/span>\n\nAll my love!\nNamast\u00e9,\nYours Kristina\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-65e42ca elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"65e42ca\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;,&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-99807dd\" data-id=\"99807dd\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-51564f5 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"51564f5\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Invitation<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-94ffc4b elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"94ffc4b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re considering being accompanied through the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/mirror-process-inner-universe\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>mirror process of inner work<\/strong><\/span><\/a>, you can book a <a href=\"https:\/\/psysoulogy.youcanbook.me\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>free preliminary talk in my booking calendar<\/u><\/b><\/a> at the top right of this page or below this entry.\n\n<span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">The <\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">model assumptions<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\"> are based on years of professional<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">observation<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, personal<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">experience<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, and knowledge from<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">psychoanalysis, psychodynamics, and developmental psychology<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">. For more information, please refer to the<\/span> <a style=\"text-decoration-line: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/copyright\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">Copyright<\/span><\/a><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\"> notice. The articles, including assumptions and hypotheses, may be<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">shared freely<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">, but please always provide<\/span> <span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: bolder;\">attribution\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--e-global-color-text); font-family: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-family), Sans-serif; font-weight: var(--e-global-typography-text-font-weight);\">(my name and the website).<\/span>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Overview Introduction The articles on individual conflicts are based on a\u00a0basic article for this series,\u00a0which you should ideally read first. In summary: We all carry<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12421,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_glsr_average":0,"_glsr_ranking":0,"_glsr_reviews":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[857],"tags":[997,944,976,984,999,1000,957,958,892,998,975,966],"class_list":["post-12772","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-toxic-relationships","tag-autarky","tag-boundaries","tag-conflict-resolution","tag-coping-mechanisms","tag-emotional-independence","tag-emotional-intelligence","tag-healthy-relationships","tag-personal-growth","tag-relationship-dynamics","tag-self-care","tag-self-esteem","tag-toxic-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12772","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12772"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12772\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12421"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12772"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12772"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12772"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}