{"id":12761,"date":"2021-06-14T21:38:48","date_gmt":"2021-06-14T19:38:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/empathic-boundaries-6-misconceptions-about-setting-boundaries\/"},"modified":"2024-11-01T15:31:28","modified_gmt":"2024-11-01T14:31:28","slug":"6-misconception-setting-boundaries-gentle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/6-misconception-setting-boundaries-gentle\/","title":{"rendered":"6 misconceptions in setting boundaries | the gentle warrior"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"12761\" class=\"elementor elementor-12761 elementor-4469\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-e0124b5 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"e0124b5\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-1f27f81\" data-id=\"1f27f81\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a6ce17f elementor-toc--minimized-on-tablet elementor-widget elementor-widget-table-of-contents\" data-id=\"a6ce17f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;headings_by_tags&quot;:[&quot;h3&quot;],&quot;exclude_headings_by_selector&quot;:[],&quot;no_headings_message&quot;:&quot;No headings were found on this page.&quot;,&quot;marker_view&quot;:&quot;numbers&quot;,&quot;minimize_box&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;,&quot;minimized_on&quot;:&quot;tablet&quot;,&quot;hierarchical_view&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;,&quot;min_height&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;min_height_tablet&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]},&quot;min_height_mobile&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;px&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]}}\" data-widget_type=\"table-of-contents.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__header\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<h4 class=\"elementor-toc__header-title\">\n\t\t\t\tOverview\t\t\t<\/h4>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__toggle-button elementor-toc__toggle-button--expand\" role=\"button\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-controls=\"elementor-toc__a6ce17f\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-label=\"Open table of contents\"><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-chevron-down\"><\/i><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__toggle-button elementor-toc__toggle-button--collapse\" role=\"button\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-controls=\"elementor-toc__a6ce17f\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-label=\"Close table of contents\"><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-chevron-up\"><\/i><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div id=\"elementor-toc__a6ce17f\" class=\"elementor-toc__body\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-toc__spinner-container\">\n\t\t\t\t<i class=\"elementor-toc__spinner eicon-animation-spin eicon-loading\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><\/i>\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-53bc17d elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"53bc17d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Prologue <\/b>| A day in the swimming pool<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7d082e6 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"7d082e6\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Setting boundaries is healthy &amp; necessary. Today I learnt how setting boundaries can be both: clear &amp; empathic. My teacher was my niece. But let me tell you in detail&#8230;<\/p><p>I went to the swimming pool with my <strong>five-year-old niece<\/strong>. It was an exclusive activity, full of quality time for both of us. She is very sensitive to smells, noises, bright lights, and can instantly sense when &#8220;something is off.&#8221;<\/p><p>She is incredibly <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/10-points-on-empaths-challenges-self-care\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>in tune with her own feelings<\/u><\/b><\/a>, very perceptive. That is something I deeply relate to, and in this way, we understand each other quite well. Today, I had the chance to learn something from her.<\/p><p>She had an amazing time throwing a ring into the children&#8217;s pool and finding it with her diving goggles. At one point, a boy entered the pool and started swimming behind her continuously. He kept watching her and even took the ring away from her two or three times. <strong>She took it back from him\u2014kindly, but firmly.<\/strong><\/p><p>I spoke with the boy&#8217;s mom, but her requests for her son to leave my niece alone were to no avail; she seemed a bit at a loss herself. While she was busy with her daughter, her son continued the game.<\/p><p>I spoke to the boy, explaining that I understood he wanted to join in, but that my niece wanted to play alone right now. That worked for a while, but soon he began again.<\/p><p>I wondered how best I could help her, but then she surprised me and everyone else around. She helped herself.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-dbbe003 elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"dbbe003\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-e3914d9\" data-id=\"e3914d9\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c06ecbf elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"c06ecbf\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Setting Boundaries<\/b> | My five-year-old Niece<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7e8a6eb elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"7e8a6eb\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>My niece came over to me at the edge of the pool, still in a good mood, and put the ring in my hand. Then <strong>she walked up to the boy and sat down with him<\/strong> in the water, looking him straight in the eye:<\/p><p><em>&#8220;Listen, <strong>this isn\u2019t against you<\/strong>, but <strong>I want to play by myself<\/strong> and <strong>it bothers me<\/strong> when you&#8217;re always following me around. <strong>Could you please stop doing that?<\/strong> Yes? Thank you!&#8221;<\/em><\/p><p>The boy was speechless. I repeat: my niece is <strong>five (!!!) years old<\/strong>. She continued playing by herself, and he left her in peace. <strong>Successful boundary-setting!<\/strong> And with genuine empathy for the boy who had been bothering her!<\/p><p>Later, she teamed up with another girl, and they played together. When she came back from the playground with her &#8220;new friend,&#8221; they both wanted to return to the kiddie pool. The other girl&#8217;s mom agreed. Once again, the boy was in the pool and immediately noticed the two girls, wanting to start again.<\/p><p>Before anything could happen, my niece went over to him, sat down in the water in front of him, and said:<\/p><p><em>&#8220;My friend and I want to play with the ring here now, and <strong>I don\u2019t want you swimming behind us<\/strong> or taking the ring from us. <strong>This isn\u2019t about you, but I want to play in peace<\/strong>. So, <strong>could you leave us alone? Can you do that?<\/strong>&#8220;<\/em><\/p><p>I was completely stunned, and the boy seemed equally impressed. His mother overheard and started keeping a closer eye on him. The two girls played\u2014and they had their peace.<\/p><p>Today, I learned something about <strong>setting boundaries<\/strong>. And not in a hard or defensive way, but with a <strong>level of sensitivity and empathy<\/strong> that is truly remarkable. <strong>Direct<\/strong>, yet in a sense of <strong>connectedness<\/strong>.<\/p><p>Later, when we talked about it, my niece very aptly remarked, <em>&#8220;There\u2019s no way he\u2019s going to be my friend.&#8221;<\/em> She was <strong>perfectly clear about<\/strong> where she stood in relation to the boy. She didn&#8217;t <strong>ignore<\/strong> him; instead, she made <strong>contact<\/strong> and <strong>established a relationship<\/strong> with him\u2014and <strong>defined her boundaries<\/strong>. My space, your space. Closure &#8211; distance. Five years old &amp; setting boundaries that smart &amp; natural!<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-a34bfdd elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"a34bfdd\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-12e5149\" data-id=\"12e5149\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-59782bd elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"59782bd\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>6 misconceptions <\/b>about <b>setting boundaries<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c46b171 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"c46b171\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><strong><u>1. I must <i>exclude<\/i> the other in order to set my boundaries<\/u><\/strong><\/p><p>When we talk about <strong>setting boundaries<\/strong>, many people immediately think of a wall going up, a strong <strong>stop<\/strong> or <strong>halt<\/strong>, and even punishing the other with a <strong>complete break of contact<\/strong>. <u>Excluding the other to protect oneself<\/u>. <br \/>And yes\u2014in some cases (when someone does not respect our boundaries at all), this may indeed be necessary. But it is by no means the healthy norm. <br \/>When we approach it this way and always walk out of a relationship, <strong>we don&#8217;t actually learn how to set real boundaries in relationships<\/strong>. We only learn to run away. Worse yet, <strong>we break the connection<\/strong>. The truth is that <u>we are all part of one human family<\/u>. Here, everyone is also allowed to take care of themselves. But we may learn to <u>communicate these boundaries with <b>respect<\/b> and <b>dignity<\/b><\/u>. If we succeed in this, then we do not separate ourselves from others and others from us. We stay in contact but determine the intensity and framework.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><u><b>2. I always have to get <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\"><i>loud<\/i><\/span><b> in setting my boundaries<\/b><\/u><\/p><p>For me that\u00b4s the biggest misconception. It\u00b4s even false!\u00a0<strong>We are allowed to <u>make sure that we are heard<\/u><\/strong>. That means speaking <b>clearly<\/b> and<b> distinctly<\/b>. But if we shout and get loud, in most cases, it expresses our own anger, hurt, self-doubt, feelings of inferiority or insecurity. Yet still, we aren\u2019t heard. <br \/>Because as soon as we raise our voice, the other person\u00b4s\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">reptilian brain<\/span>\u00a0gets immediately activated. That means they no longer <u>hear <b>what<\/b> we say, only <b>how<\/b> we say it<\/u>. So, the other person will not understand what we mean. <br \/>In such a case, it\u2019s as though two Stone Age people are facing off, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/survival-mode-trauma-co-narcissism-heal\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>fighting for survival<\/u><\/b><\/a> and reacting from the depths of their hormonal fog (see <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/survival-mode-trauma-co-narcissism-heal\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>post about the survival mode<\/u><\/b><\/a>).<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><u><b>3. Setting boundaries will make me\u00a0<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\"><i>lose people<\/i><\/span><b> important to me<\/b><\/u><\/p><p>Clearly <u>acknowledging<\/u>\u00a0&amp; sharing our perceptions and desires is <strong>self-expression<\/strong>. In fact, that\u2019s how we <strong>truly relate<\/strong> to one another. We let that\u2019s within us be seen. When people are important to us, don\u2019t they <strong>deserve our sincerity and honesty<\/strong>? And if the relationship is <b>truly important<\/b> to both parties, won\u2019t they appreciate that we <strong>show<\/strong> up <strong>as we are<\/strong>? Aren&#8217;t these people interested in our well-being? <br \/>It may well happen that some relationships change when setting\u00a0<strong>boundaries<\/strong>. And yes &#8211; sometimes it\u00b4s not easy to take an opposing opinion or perception. Some people may be lost along that way. But are those people really interested in you &#8211; if they only accept you when you\u2019re pretending or say, what they want to hear? <br \/>Are they interested in you, or simply a comfortable version of you?<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><strong><u>4. I have <i>to learn<\/i> to distance myself<\/u><\/strong><\/p><p>You don\u2019t have to learn anything. Yes\u2014you <strong>can <\/strong>learn different approaches or techniques. And you may choose your own way of setting boundaries, whatever feels right to you. I know many people who have <strong>never consciously learned<\/strong> boundary-setting, yet naturally express their <strong>true selves<\/strong> with a certain <strong>ease<\/strong>. <br \/>For example, a good friend of mine sets his boundaries by saying, with a smile, <i>\u201c<br \/>I&#8217;m just going to see a man about a dog.\u201d<\/i> He doesn\u2019t even think about \u201csetting a boundary\u201d\u2014he simply pays attention to his feeling, which tells him he doesn\u2019t want to talk about a certain topic right now. So, setting a boundary doesn\u2019t necessarily require <strong>learning<\/strong>. Sometimes it\u2019s just listening <strong>inward<\/strong> and then <strong>trusting<\/strong> what comes up. And then consequently doing so\u2014 un-learning everything else &amp; act without drama.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><b><u>5. If I have to set a boundary, the <i>other person<\/i> is a &#8220;bad person&#8221;<\/u><\/b><\/p><p>People are naturally self-centered to some degree, and a <b>healthy dose of self-interest<\/b> is important. Setting boundaries may be necessary <u>when someone\u2019s self-interest violates our <b>personal limits<\/b><\/u>. But this doesn\u2019t mean that the other person is \u201cbad.\u201d Some people may not even realize they\u2019re being inconsiderate. So, we can find a\u00a0<strong>gentle way of setting boundaries<\/strong>, remembering that our egocentric counterpart may simply be <strong>unconscious<\/strong> of their behavior. If we automatically label someone as \u201cbad,\u201d we miss seeing other, perhaps <strong>loving and vulnerable<\/strong> aspects of them. My niece saw <u>the boy\u2019s annoying side<\/u>, but spoke to him kindly and respectfully, not diminishing his worth. He simply bothered her.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p><u><b>6. If I set a boundary, <i>I am a <\/i><\/b><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\"><i>&#8220;bad person&#8221;<\/i><\/span><b> myself<\/b><\/u><\/p><p>This thought often leads us to label our own self-interested feelings as \u201cbad,\u201d creating a <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Shadow_(psychology)\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><u>shadow issue<\/u><\/strong><\/a>. <br \/>Here\u2019s where it gets complicated: If we label something within us as <u>\u201cbad,\u201d<\/u> we won\u2019t <strong>allow<\/strong> that part to express itself. This shadow then arises every time we feel <u>annoyed by another\u2019s self-interest<\/u>. But if we haven\u2019t allowed ourselves to act on our own egocentric impulses, we miss a valuable component of setting boundaries in a\u00a0<strong>healthy way<\/strong>. <br \/>We are not \u201cbad people\u201d for sometimes wanting our own way. And<b> if we express this <\/b>for ourselves, we are better able to<b> allow it in others<\/b>. My niece knew she wanted to play with her friend, and that was her truth.<\/p><p>Points 5 and 6 are connected. When we judge egocentrism (or <strong>self-care<\/strong>) in others or ourselves as inherently \u201cbad,\u201d we cut off a natural part of ourselves. Something human becomes divided into \u201cgood\u201d and \u201cbad.\u201d<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-adf505a elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"adf505a\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-7d049eb\" data-id=\"7d049eb\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-667e116 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"667e116\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\"><b>Epilog<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-0fc4342 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"0fc4342\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>After my niece and her new friend had played undisturbed for a while, they began glancing more often in the boy&#8217;s direction: <em>&#8220;Now he&#8217;s moving that way! Watch out!&#8221;<\/em> They dashed up the slide\u2014fast enough to avoid his gaze, which only made him notice them more. A &#8220;new game&#8221; was developing\u2014and the boy caught on.<\/p>\n<p>At that point, I asked my niece to come over for a moment and told her she had handled the situation well and with sensitivity. I explained that the boy would leave them alone now, and it would be good if they also played on their own and left him in peace. I suggested they could take turns hiding and searching for the ring on &#8220;their side&#8221; of the pool. She nodded, <em>&#8220;That&#8217;s right, Kris.&#8221;<\/em> Then she took her new friend by the hand, <em>&#8220;Come on, I&#8217;ll hide the ring, and you find it.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Our <strong>ego<\/strong> can tempt us, even after successfully setting boundaries, to keep revisiting the situation or to stay focused on what was actually an unpleasant topic. After setting a boundary, many people find their <strong>focus<\/strong> shifts <strong>too much onto the other<\/strong> person. What is my counterpart doing now? How are they reacting? The <strong>behavior of the other<\/strong> person can become a <strong>part of the event<\/strong> again\u2014despite just having established distance from it.<\/p>\n<p>The reasons for this are quite human: letting go can be difficult, and one might feel <strong>curiosity<\/strong> or even seek renewed <strong>&#8220;friction&#8221;<\/strong> to reinforce the sense of self-worth (boosting self-esteem). Many adults also experience feelings of <strong>guilt<\/strong>. Thus, what started as a successful boundary set with compassion can evolve into a small <strong>ego game<\/strong>, often leading to <strong>drama<\/strong>. Roles of <strong>pursuer, victim<\/strong>, and <strong>rescuer<\/strong> become established or switch, setting the stage for conflict and escalation. For more on this dynamic, read <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/co-narcissism-survival-struggle-recognize-and-leave-the-drama\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong>this article<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Here we may all learn to look mindfully and consciously.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-92eba5f elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"92eba5f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">The Gentle Warrior | Redefining <b>Boundaries<\/b> with <b>Compassion<\/b><\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-fcca32c elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"fcca32c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Many people have turned to me again and again with the topic of <strong>setting boundaries<\/strong>. Since I worked with many highly sensitive <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/10-points-on-empaths-challenges-self-care\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong>empathic people<\/strong><\/a>, it was necessary to develop an <strong>individual, sensitive<\/strong>, and yet <strong>clear way of setting boundaries<\/strong> in the course of our work.\u00a0That included the needs of <strong>connectedness, respect<\/strong>, and <strong>compassion<\/strong>.<\/p><p>In my coaching sessions, the topic of <strong>setting boundaries<\/strong>\u00a0is approached differently than usual. There is a form of\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: bolder;\">setting boundaries<\/span>\u00a0meant for all the <strong>gentle warriors<\/strong> among us who truly desire <strong>peace<\/strong> yet want to cultivate commitment to clear borders.\u00a0 There are those people willing to harness the <strong>power of loving clarity<\/strong> for themselves, and combine it with\u00a0encompassing wishes for\u00a0 well-being of all. In coaching, my clients gain a <strong>new, more sensitive<\/strong>, yet <strong>clear way of setting boundaries<\/strong>.<\/p><p>I cannot emphasize it enough: Allow the <strong>love<\/strong> in your life to <strong>include yourself<\/strong>. <strong>With ALL your facets!<\/strong> Even that self-centered aspect of you deserves to exist be acknowledged.\u00a0Everything has\u00a0<strong>its place in your inner colorful diversity<\/strong>. <br \/>May you be <strong>whole<\/strong>, complete, and <strong>present<\/strong>.<\/p><p>Namast\u00e9<br \/>Your Kristina<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-36e3c5f elementor-section-stretched elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"36e3c5f\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;,&quot;stretch_section&quot;:&quot;section-stretched&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-de51b00\" data-id=\"de51b00\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-efc9d40 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"efc9d40\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h3 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Invitation<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a729fd2 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"a729fd2\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p style=\"color: white;\">If you\u2019re considering being accompanied through the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/mirror-process-inner-universe\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>mirror process of inner work<\/strong><\/span><\/a>, you can book a <a href=\"https:\/\/psysoulogy.youcanbook.me\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><u>free preliminary talk in my booking calendar<\/u><\/b><\/a> at the top right of this page or below this entry.<\/p>\n\n<p style=\"color: white;\"><span style=\"color: white;\">The <\/span><span style=\"color: white; font-weight: bolder;\">model assumptions<\/span><span style=\"color: white;\"> are based on years of professional<\/span> <span style=\"color: white; font-weight: bolder;\">observation<\/span><span style=\"color: white;\">, personal<\/span> <span style=\"color: white; font-weight: bolder;\">experience<\/span><span style=\"color: white;\">, and knowledge from<\/span> <span style=\"color: white; font-weight: bolder;\">psychoanalysis, psychodynamics, and developmental psychology<\/span><span style=\"color: white;\">. For more information, please refer to the<\/span> <a style=\"text-decoration-line: underline; color: white;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/copyright\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: white; font-weight: bolder;\">Copyright<\/span><\/a><span style=\"color: white;\"> notice. The articles, including assumptions and hypotheses, may be<\/span> <span style=\"color: white; font-weight: bolder;\">shared freely<\/span><span style=\"color: white;\">, but please always provide<\/span> <span style=\"color: white; font-weight: bolder;\">attribution <\/span><span style=\"color: white;\">(my name and the website).<\/span><\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Overview Prologue | A day in the swimming pool Setting boundaries is healthy &amp; necessary. Today I learnt how setting boundaries can be both: clear &amp; empathic. My teacher was my niece. But let me tell you in detail&#8230; I went to the swimming pool with my five-year-old niece. It was an exclusive activity, full [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12441,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_glsr_average":0,"_glsr_ranking":0,"_glsr_reviews":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[856,857],"tags":[1005,1115,902,1112,1176,890,947,1000,1116,1111,1046,992,1110,1114,995,1113,1117,998,859,945,938],"class_list":["post-12761","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inner-universe","category-toxic-relationships","tag-assertiveness","tag-boundary-setting-strategies","tag-co-dependency","tag-compassionate-communication","tag-connection-en","tag-consciousness","tag-draw-boundaries","tag-emotional-intelligence","tag-empathy-in-boundaries","tag-gentle-warrior","tag-healthy-boundaries","tag-mental-health","tag-misconceptions-about-boundaries","tag-overcoming-misconceptions","tag-personal-development","tag-relationship-skills","tag-self-advocacy","tag-self-care","tag-setting-boundaries","tag-setting-boundaries-en","tag-violence"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12761","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12761"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12761\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12441"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12761"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12761"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.freieresleben.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12761"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}